Opening my mail?

[fireheart]

So my mum's picked up this extremely annoying habit lately of opening any mail for me either from the bank or from the library about overdue books. Is there a way that I can tell her to STOP opening my mail?! Without threatening the police?

[Amina516]

You mean besides telling her to stop touching your mail?!

I vote for telling her straight out , nonconfrontationally @ first. But if you need to, remind her that its illegal and your business is none of hers.

Do they have P.O. Boxes where you are? One of those might be an option too.

[fireheart]

I'm looking at a PO Box as an option. I honestly don't know why she does it.

I'm more afraid that if I do tell her, she'll come out with something along the lines that I hurt/disrespect her...

[Amina516]

I'm more afraid that if I do tell her, she'll come out with something along the lines that I hurt/disrespect her...

I understand that. No one wants to hurt their parentals, but at the same time, shes hurting you. I find it disrespectful to open anothers mail, especially if they obviously mind!!

Try telling her to *firmly* cut it out.

[r2cagle]

Wait... she's only opening mail from the bank or the library? Maybe she is concerned that you're going to be hitting them up for money. But, I have been known to be wrong... I'd go with the PO Box option myself, but you'd still have to be cautious about bringing it into the house. If you set it down, she might consider it fair game.

Definitely wouldn't hurt to ask why she feels the need to look at your mail. Use the "I'm curious, not offended" approach.

[Jester]

"Mom, I have to tell you something. Your opening of my mail feels like an invasion of my privacy to you, and it is bothering me. Please, stop it."

Or....

"Mom, stop opening my mail!"

You worry about hurting her, but she is hurting you by doing this, invading your privacy and making you feel like less than an adult.

I have never had a problem telling my mother when something she is doing is bothering me, but I have always been very straightforward (some would say downright brusque), and I realize not everyone is comfortable doing that.

But if you don't tell your mom to stop, she is going to keep doing it. She may be slightly miffed at you for it, but you have to stand up for yourself. The only other option is to lay down and take it.

Your choice.

[Evil Queen]

How about what I did;

"Hey Mom, did you know it's a federal offence to open someone's mail without their permission? Thank you!"

*take mail and go away*

[fireheart]

I checked with her. She says that it was a mistake on her part....

riiight....

but now she knows, she'll be more careful checking in future. As I'm usually the only one at the moment who gets the mail, it's become less of an issue.

[BookstoreEscapee]

So my mum's picked up this extremely annoying habit lately of opening any mail for me either from the bank or from the library about overdue books. Is there a way that I can tell her to STOP opening my mail?! Without threatening the police?

"Mom, please stop opening my mail."

I'm more afraid that if I do tell her, she'll come out with something along the lines that I hurt/disrespect her...

"Mom, I am an adult, and you are disprespecting me by opening my mail without my permission."

Do you have the same first name? My mom and I have had that problem on occasion (she goes by her middle name, which is my first name; most of her mail is addressed to her real first name, but stuff from friends and family, and occasionally other stuff, usually has her middle name...which is my first name...but when she does open something of mine by accident, she puts it back in the envelope as soon as she figures out it's not hers*). But if it happens frequently (especially if you don't share a name), I don't buy that it's accidental.

*and yes, I have on occasion opened her mail as well.

[RayvenQ]

That used to happen a lot with my dad, didn't help that we had nearly the same name, the only difference being our middle names, but not by much, his is John, mine is James, So yeah really was a bingo if they just had first and last name or just initials.

[Greenday]

Nope, if you've already told your mom to stop and she hasn't, unless you call the cops or stop having mail sent to the same house as your mother's, you're pretty screwed. My friend has the same problem. In fact, she DID threaten to call the cops but her mom kept doing it anyway.

[MadMike]

My mom did that to me once, and only once. It was when I was away at my dad's, and something arrived from the school that I was applying to. When I got home from my dad's and found out it had been opened, I went off.

I could have thrown the whole "federal offense" thing in her face, but I didn't. I'm not sure how it works if you open a letter belonging to your child, but I was already 18 at this point, so that didn't even matter. But I did tell her in no uncertain terms that she had no right to be opening my mail like that.

She tried to justify it by saying she thought it might be something important. I pointed out that even if it was, nothing could have been done until I got home anyway. After that, she never did it again.

[depechemodefan]

My mom does that shit to me (well, not now because she can't walk, she is too weak, and she has dementia) but no matter how I tell her, that it hurts my feelings, that I feel she doesn't trust me, that it's my stuff- she shouldn't be getting into my stuff, she doesn't listen. She says I'm hiding stuff from her, I'm ungrateful, she wants to make sure I'm not in a problem.

We really don't have a healthy relationship. Also, she's makes me suicidal. Oddly enough, I don't feel that way lately.

Er, sorry about the thread jack. If she is the overprotective type, you will have to get a p o box. If she is a person who is reasonable, or just clueless, talking to her about how you want her trust but she should also trust that she raised you right, might help.