minor family issues

[KellyHabersham]

*not especially looking for advice on this, mostly just needed to rant. But, I definitely wouldn't turn down suggestions on how to handle this *

One of the concerns/I've had about working as the church secretary has been people assuming that because I have keys and an alarm code, that I'm able and available to open/lock up buildings whenever needed.......even if it's outside of office hours. This HAS been a minor annoyance at times, but nothing too problematic has come up yet.

However, the latest issue involving this is a bit different - my brother and his girlfriend are getting married in March, and according a phone conversation with my mom earlier tonight, they are planning to decorate the "Meeting Hall" building the day before the wedding, and are depending on me being available to help them get into the building.....basically, I'd have to take the day off from the library just to open/lock up whenever it's convenient for them. And while I don't mind helping out family members, I do feel this is kind of taking advantage of me, and it's exactly the sort of thing which I did NOT want to happen when I'd agreed to work at the church.

And to be fair, I've not talked to my brother and his girlfriend about this, and they are NOT sucky....I think it's just the way my mom tends to word things. Still though, I wish people would ask me before assuming I'd be willing/available to do something.

[MaggieTheCat]

I would probably start by asking your brother and his fiance if it's true. I don't know about your family, but in my family, when news travels, it tends to change...quickly and drastically. It's really kind of amusing (and sad) to hear a story first-hand from my brother, and then hear my mother's version of how she interpreted the same story when he told her. They are usually two rather different stories. Not saying that's what's going on with your bro, but just a casual, "By the way, Mom said something about you guys wanting to decorate the church the day before the wedding?" to at least ease in to the topic.

I can definitely understand your frustration. Good luck and I hope things work out, and congrats to your brother and his fiance.

[KellyHabersham]

Oh, I definitely plan to talk to my brother and his girlfriend about whats going on....mostly my concern right now is having to take an extra day off from the library. (was only planning on taking the actual wedding day off) And I know that may sound self-centered, but it really hurts my income when I have to take time off for any reason, and I'd rather not have my mom assume on my behalf that I'm willing to do that.

[AdminAssistant]

Is there anyone else at the church that can let them in to decorate ahead of time? It shouldn't fall on you to do that.

[Soulstealer]

And I know that may sound self-centered, but it really hurts my income when I have to take time off for any reason, and I'd rather not have my mom assume on my behalf that I'm willing to do that.

It's not selfish for you to be concerned about your job and finances. Your mom assumed something without consulting or thinking about how it would impact you. That is selfish and you have every right to say no. You're not the only one with keys so they can ask the church to let them in.

[KellyHabersham]

It's not selfish for you to be concerned about your job and finances. Your mom assumed something without consulting or thinking about how it would impact you. That is selfish and you have every right to say no. You're not the only one with keys so they can ask the church to let them in.

Well, now that I've had some time to cool off/think about it......I think my mom was looking at things from along the lines of help being needed with decorating, figured I'd want to be involved, and that it might be easier to have me along rather than having to rely on someone else with building access. But if I was just needed to open and lock up things, then I do have problems with having to take an entire day off just for that purpose.

[Soulstealer]

Well, now that I've had some time to cool off/think about it......I think my mom was looking at things from along the lines of help being needed with decorating, figured I'd want to be involved, and that it might be easier to have me along rather than having to rely on someone else with building access.

That's still volunteering your time instead of asking for help.

[KellyHabersham]

My mom does have a habit of doing that, unfortunately.......my sister's complained about that often enough. But anyhow, this is a solution I've come up with (at least on my mom's end) - offer to arrange my schedule at the library so that I can work an earlier shift there, and still be able to help out with wedding stuff. (because in all honesty, I WOULD feel bad if I wasn't able to get involved with anything, my brother's been really cool about helping me with things)

[BookstoreEscapee]

If it comes down to it, just say you can't take the day off work. Unless you are the one in charge of scheduling usage of the space, it shouldn't be your job to make sure the people using it have access. (I'm assuming this is not your job - the person whose job it is should be the one to arrange with them when they can get in to decorate.)

[KellyHabersham]

If it comes down to it, just say you can't take the day off work. Unless you are the one in charge of scheduling usage of the space, it shouldn't be your job to make sure the people using it have access. (I'm assuming this is not your job - the person whose job it is should be the one to arrange with them when they can get in to decorate.)

That's where it kind of goes into a gray area - I'm responsible for maintaining the church's event calendar, but it's the Trustees Committee which has authority to actually "book" people/events, and give out keys/alarm codes. As far as making sure people have access to buildings goes, that's really only my responsiblity if it's during office hours - outside of that, people would need to make arrangements with the custodian, who'd be paid for time spent on the property.