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  • #1

    Friends...?

    I seem to gathering a large amount of various fair weather friends lately. And it's a bit confusing to me, so you want to make plans? Great says I, I can do something on any of these days... Oh another time then? Ok... Plenty of rain checks for movies, going for coffee, meals... Actinides requiring travel... Really I have a lot of free time after work right now. I can do lots ofthings and yet never can seem to make plans.

    I have Y!M and MSN on my phone...nope no messages. Have tons of minuets I can use and nope... Nothing. Have txt messages I can use and still on the last day of my cycle haven't used 196 of my 200 given.

    Now I know when it seems like others are in the wrong to look at the common mark in everything and yea... I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Did I slight a diety? Did I miss out on emails? Or am I just being insecure? I dunno anymore. Just know that my steadily declining number in friends is killing my self esteem levels. Even the shrink I'm seeing for something else has brought up that I don't talk about friends. Well how can I when I try to join in on fun and find out it's only for certain people... Or it's only "real friends" well I'm sorry but when someone sends facebook messages asking how someone is and the messages get deleted I stop trying afterwhile.

    Okay I'm whining and I know that I have no place to do so... So yea, guess the problem is me, eh?
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  • #2
    Not necessarily. ... For my own part, when I cancel, it's because I either don't feel well, am busy with stuff like school (the stuff that seems to randomly swamp without care to my wants or needs), or are not feeling 'up to people' mentally, which I suppose could be under not feeling well...
    I know what you mean about lack of calls and communication and fun. I'll probably have more use when I'm awake...
    Hugs?
    "Is it the lie that keeps you sane? Is this the lie that keeps you sane?What is it?Can it be?Ought it to exist?"
    "...and may it be that I cleave to the ugly truth, rather than the beautiful lie..."

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    • #3
      When I was in highschool I was quite popular, tons of friends, and I never had time to hang out with them. Now that I'm married, I have like three friends, and we don't hang out much, but we're there for each other.
      Have you found a niche or club or something to be involved in? I know it's hard to go out and start something not knowing there will be someone there for you, but maybe if you get out to that point (going out and finding something you'll enjoy if someone is there or not) then people will find you?

      I'm sending you lots of good thoughts and hugs.
      Oh wook at teh widdle babeh dwaggin! How cyuuute babeh dwag-AAAAAAAUUUGGGHHHH! *nom*
      http://jennovazombie.deviantart.com

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      • #4
        It's not that I get cancelled on, it's that plans get dropped as they are being made. Tried to go see Julie and Julia with a friend... That's still a rainchceck. Was supposed to go to the fair with a group of friends "oh we went on *day you couldn't go* because we were together" or a friends surprise party I sent money to so that a favorite cake could be bought... Nope was singled out as *not doing a thing* but hey I paid for the cake and a bit extra... Guess that counts as nothing. Try calling someone up and I'm rushed off the phone because they are doing *big important thing with group of friends* but hey I wasn't asked because... No one knew if I even liked *thing*. I can tell you favorite pizza toppings people have, favorite colors, favorite movies... Not one of them know that about me, no one asked. Course I didn't either... I just made mental notes... Got things for people on their birthdays... Last gift I got was something I bought myself. Only cards or even emails for holiday greetings come from here and another forum I'm on.

        I just don't like the rejection anymore. Don't like the worthless ess anymore. I head out to city gatherings and seem to stick out as the lone person. Go to comic and card shops and seemed to even get pushed away there. So I guess the cold hard truth is that it is me. Something is wrong and other people pick up on it.

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        • #5
          I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm not sure what to say other than keep trying to be social, even if you aren't trying to make friends. Maybe something will come up and be for the better.
          Oh wook at teh widdle babeh dwaggin! How cyuuute babeh dwag-AAAAAAAUUUGGGHHHH! *nom*
          http://jennovazombie.deviantart.com

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          • #6
            Quoth Aethian View Post
            Got things for people on their birthdays... Last gift I got was something I bought myself. Only cards or even emails for holiday greetings come from here and another forum I'm on.

            I just don't like the rejection anymore. Don't like the worthless ess anymore. I head out to city gatherings and seem to stick out as the lone person. Go to comic and card shops and seemed to even get pushed away there. So I guess the cold hard truth is that it is me. Something is wrong and other people pick up on it.
            Just maybe, you're trying too hard, like they always say when looking for love, stop looking, then it'll start happening.Id you stop buying things for other people and trying to fit in, and turn it round so it's you who arranges these things maybe they'll change as well?

            Something definate "i FANCY GOING TO THE NEW BAR THAT'SJUST OPENED, SHALL WEMEET AT 7 ON WEDNESDAY?"
            Customer "why did you answer the phone if you can't help me?"

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            • #7
              If it makes you feel better, I've lost a lot of friends in recent times because I've grown up a bit and realized there were more fun things to do than get drunk all the time. I have a hard time relating to a lot of people my age anymore.
              You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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              • #8
                See that's part of it Blas, it seems like my married friends dissapeared first, apparently me being not married was a source of...something? *shrugs?* And then the ones with the kids really got me cause I would say something about picnic in a very kid friendly park and...gah wasn't good enough. A kid movie during the day? Nope. An offer to give parents some time off...oh heck no I might not have anything their kids can do. Um...hello I have over 50 different games between three systems and only five of them I wouldn't let anyone under 20 play.

                Maybe I do try to hard in trying to keep friendships alive...

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                • #9
                  Quoth Aethian View Post
                  See that's part of it Blas, it seems like my married friends dissapeared first, apparently me being not married was a source of...something? *shrugs?* And then the ones with the kids really got me cause I would say something about picnic in a very kid friendly park and...gah wasn't good enough. A kid movie during the day? Nope. An offer to give parents some time off...oh heck no I might not have anything their kids can do. Um...hello I have over 50 different games between three systems and only five of them I wouldn't let anyone under 20 play.

                  Maybe I do try to hard in trying to keep friendships alive...

                  Well, some freindships just aren't meant to be, and it's very very difficult for singles to be friends with marrieds, and childless to be freinds with people with children just because they have such different priorities.
                  Customer "why did you answer the phone if you can't help me?"

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                  • #10
                    But I'm not asking anyone to change their priorities for me, I've been trying to be flexible for them.

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                    • #11
                      But they don't want to be flexible with you. In all honesty, that's not fair.

                      If only we all lived closer to one another and could hang out other than just online together.
                      You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Aethian View Post
                        But I'm not asking anyone to change their priorities for me, I've been trying to be flexible for them.

                        It'snot a question of asking anyone to change their priorities, it's just that the two ways of life don't sit comfortably together, with a few exceptions.

                        For example, try being friends with people who drink to excess if you shun alcohol, or the opposite, or try being friends with people who hold extreme religious views if you don't believe any religion, what I'm trying to say is that it's difficult, no matter how flexible you try to be, to find middle ground for a friendship.
                        Customer "why did you answer the phone if you can't help me?"

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                        • #13
                          forgive me if this is harsh but it seems like you are putting in all this effort and they cannot be bothered or they just don't think of you or at worst you aren't that important to them and if you are a good friend they sure aren't treating you the same way flexible or not

                          the one thing that got me is that you weren't considered to be asked if you wanted to come to something said friend was holding and that you would keep them in mind yet they wouldn't keep you in mind and proceed with events without you.

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                          • #14
                            Lexia, exactly.

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                            • #15
                              Quoth Aethian View Post
                              See that's part of it Blas, it seems like my married friends dissapeared first, apparently me being not married was a source of...something? *shrugs?* And then the ones with the kids
                              I've not managed to keep any friendships from - say - ten years ago. Even five years ago, there's only one or two.

                              If there's something wrong with you, you're not alone.
                              Seshat's self-help guide:
                              1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
                              2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
                              3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
                              4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

                              "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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