Things Customers Shouldn't be Allowed to Say

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

In a voice that makes them sound like they ACTUALLY know you
"Oh HI there *looks at name tag* So-and-so!"


I hate name tags. Creepy guys knowing my name just because I work retail irks me off.

The corporate suits at my company are good at that.

The only reason name tags exist in a store where the employees wear the same easily-identified uniform is to give customers a name to go with the face they're going to be complaining about later.

[Ironclad Alibi]

21. (seeing me yawn; I have chronic insomnia) Wake up! HAHA!

Darn! I read that and started yawning.

[McGoddess09]

When I hand them the food and have my other hand out for cash in drive thru: "Oh. I have to pay?"

"But they ring it up this way (really weird way) at the otherrr McDoooonnnaaaalllldddd'ssss"

I really don't care how they rang it up at the other one. I'm doing it the way I was trained. Participation may vary.

[Jay 2K Winger]

How about this one?

"I pay your salary!"

A coworker of mine came up with the perfect response to this, when a SC kept getting on her case.

SC: "My membership pays your salary!"
Coworker: "Can I have a raise?"

And no, my coworker didn't get in trouble over it, even after the SC went and complained to management. But then, said coworker took no crap from ANYONE, and habitually fired off responses like that to people who ticked her off.

[RetailWorkhorse]

The thing I did ONCe with a $100 bill and a customer said they just printed it that morning. I walked over to the phone looked up a number in the blue section (government section in our book) of the phone book and started dialing. the SC asked what I was doing and I replied I am calling the local police and the Secret Service to report a counterfit bill was being passed at my location and I have the bill and the alledged couterfiter here waiting. he got white as a ghost and shut up really quick. I then told him not funny at all seeeeeeeeeeeee

I am SO gonna do that now! I need a camera!

Darn! I read that and started yawning.

Dang you, Alibi! You got me yawning now, too!

[Racket_Man]

I am SO gonna do that now! I need a camera!

I did that at the gas station because a couple of years ago some stupid teenagers in my area printed up about 2 or 3 THOUSAND (maybe a lot more) or so in conterfit money (old $50's I think) and paid off their drug dealer and HE and THEY attempted to pass the money at local businesses. we did not get any but the local law enforcement did blanket the area with information to all businesses

[elysia]

As a hostess and server, a variation of the following scene is a constant:

Enter SC, with or without sucky companion(s).
Hostess: Hello, how many in your party tonight?
SC: Twenty-five of us!!
Hostess: Alright....
SC: JUST KIDDING!! HAHAHA!

Now, whenever a customer says *14* or *25* I ask, "really"? Before counting out 25 menus or going to set up the table or inform the kitchen.

[elysia]

Apparently I can't wear my work uniform into the grocery store witch is directly across the parking lot when I'm on break or leaving work in peace because someone will ALWAYS say one of the following:

"UPS huh? Can't you just have your groceries shipped to you?"
"I don't need to ship anything!! Hahahaha!"
"I didn't know there were women UPS drivers!" (I'm not a driver, thanks, I work in a retail store that ships UPS, but, even if I WERE, they do exist. Quite common, in fact, jackass.)
"Back to work! I'm expecting a package!"

[Nayeli_Sabia]

6. "I've worked in retail and..." (or in grocery/as a cashier/as a manager)

I've said that.... sort of. I've had retail workers apologize to ME for a sucky customer who was being a jerk. My response for that is "I've worked in retail and I understand. It's not your fault, you were great/fine/better than I would have been"

[Listerfiend]

12: (after the cashier checks a bill for authenticity) "I just made that today!"...

I had some idiot yesterday, who after handing me her shining new PENNIES loudly proclaimed, "I just printed those today!"

[crazylegs]

I'm sorry, I didn't see you there.

What the hell do you need, a 20 foot flourescent flashing sign?