Is that Ham?

[edible_hat]

I had one lady demand that I sell her our Kosher Ham. I was just cleaning a spill on the floor at the fartnest point from deli. I told her that Ham CAN NOT BE KOSHER AS IT IS FROM A PIG. About 10 minute later the deli pages the MOD for customer assistance. She argued with the MOD and eventually left. A few days later we got a complaint that we didn't warn her, a life long Jew, that ham is not Kosher.

I know a pizza joint that offers a halal pizza with "halal ham" and 6 other toppings. It's a joke, there are only 5 toppings on the actual pizza.

[Cyphr]

i dont get it...

[rvdammit]

pork, and porcine products, are haraam (forbidden) rather than halal (permitted) So "halal ham" is something that does not exist.

Explanations curtosy of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halal

[Dreamstalker]

Let me answer your question before moving on or making stupid assumptions! Argh!

Boss does that...stop trying to finish my sentences because that trick never works!

I actually managed to start saying random, nonsensical stuff in response to one woman's inane interrogation (like "That's a USB coffee port," or "Cow says moo," or "You're ignoring everything I say, aren't you?"), and she never noticed.

I want a USB coffee port! Plug a cable in, get coffee

I used to do that a lot with The Twit. Also the ex when he gets in an equally pointless rant/ramble mode. Neither one has noticed.

[Hawkguy]

Best Monty Python ever!

Wait, if ducks are fish, and ducks float because they're made of wood, and then ducks and witches both weigh the same...that would make you...

She turned me into a newt...

A newt?

I got better!

[Cyphr]

if your a which and got turned intoa newt that means your a newt that can cast spells heres to setting kids that chase newts around on fire \0/

[Becks]

She wanted the kosher kind of ham.

And that is one reason why I hate having to help out in the deli.


It reminds me of a story that I might've mentioned once...

The then-catering coordinator told me once about a woman who wanted a sandwich platter. No biggie.

No cheese on the roast beef sandwiches, because it's not kosher.

"OK," says the former bossman. "No ham, either, I suppose?"

"NO. We WANT the ham!!!"

Color him confused.

[Rapscallion]

Oh, this has brought back memories. When I was in retail, the area had a large population of reform jews, but the next area along (no real boundaries - they had merged) was orthodox.

Requests for 'white beef' were uncommon, though it was always the other half of the marriage who was more devout and checked things carefully. However, I was asked for kosher ham by a notably jewish woman - it was a prank, since she'd been put up to it by the apothecary next door.

"It's not kosher, but it came from a very pious pig," I told her.

The other guy in the shop collapsed laughing at that point - he'd been next door when the plot was hatched and had only come in to listen in. She took the ham anyway, as she always did - it didn't bother her. It never had done. Always shopped and ate during Yom Kippur (granted, she was old enough to be exempted, but she was careful to shove it in everyone's faces).

One of the salesmen at the wholesale market told us about how he'd stopped whilst driving through the orthodox area. He'd stopped at the bakery, not taking any note of the star of David above the door. He asked for a ham sandwich, whereupon the temperature dropped about forty degrees celcius or so.

Rapscallion

[Geek King]

I want a USB coffee port! Plug a cable in, get coffee

Ask and ye shall recieve:

http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/USB_20Coffeepot ...in theory, anyway.

The Computer Gods are as Benevolent as They are Terrible.

[edible_hat]

One of the salesmen at the wholesale market told us about how he'd stopped whilst driving through the orthodox area. He'd stopped at the bakery, not taking any note of the star of David above the door. He asked for a ham sandwich, whereupon the temperature dropped about forty degrees celcius or so.

eep! Sounds embarrassing. Or not depending on the proprietor's attitude towards people of other religions. The cheapest corkage in my town is 50 cents a bottle at a restaurant owned by Muslims. They say they're not allowed to drink but that doesn't mean their non-Muslim customers aren't allowed to. (then again they have a BYO license and don't serve non-halal food, because they have to touch it when they make/serve it)

[ShockQueen]

Sorry........I just had to:

Ham? Did I say HAMMMMM?

Reference this vid for the reference.

[TryNotToBeThatOne]

However, I was asked for kosher ham by a notably jewish woman - it was a prank, since she'd been put up to it by the apothecary next door.

I was talking to a gent from Georgia who told me about his Jewish family. They were brewers and had arrived to settle in Georgia fairly early. Having settled so early (18th C he said), they *ahem* acclimated a little too well. They frequently had traditional Southern barbecues, complete with pulled pig. But it was killed in the kosher fashion.

[Ironclad Alibi]

All the talk about kosher ham reminded me of this joke.

A priest and a rabbi were chatting one day. The priest asked the rabbi if he had ever broken kosher by eating ham. The rabbi admitted that he had on one occasion, not knowing what it was, eaten some rather tasty ham. In return he asked the priest if he had ever, shall we say, been indiscrete with a young lady. The priest replied that before he had decided to enter the priesthood he had enjoyed the favors of a young lady. The rabbi responded, "Beats pork, doesn't it?"

[Anriana]

Hmmm,
Corned beef, flakey dark brown substance with corns of salt within.

Ham, pale meat perhaps with marbling effect also within.

Remind me again, how do you get those confused?

I probably wouldn't be able to tell them apart. Of course, if I was buying meat for someone else I would shut up and listen to the person helping me instead of interrupting them with stupid questions.