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867
C: "Hello, I need to order [product]."
Me: "Ok, may I please have your name?"
C: "Firstname Lastname."
Me: "And your shipping address please?"
C: "PO Box 123, Khjqqqqqqcookiegak5, Nunavut, X0A 0E0"
Me: "Thank you very much; that comes to $xx. How would you like to pay?"
C: "Visa, please. xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx expires xx/xx."
Me: "Very good; that transaction has been approved. Your order will ship today, and your Canada Post reference number is flastname."
C: "Ok, thank you. Have a nice day."
Me: "You as well. Goodbye."
NOW SEE HERE! I saw 867 on my Caller ID and expected a call worthy of a Gravekeeper post. It was in fact totally anticlimactic. I am tempted to demand compensation.
867
Me: "May I please have your postal code?"
SC: "X0C, one vagina six."
This is much better.
We accept Visa, MasterCard, and Honky Honky, apparently.
SC: "I just need to find my credit card."
Me: "Sure, no problem."
SC: "Let's see, I think it--" [HONKY, HONKY! HONKY, HONKY!] "--oh, my! Why, here it is!"
...you keep it next to your fanfare horn?
It's Good to be Suspicious in the Morning
[The customer called to place an order, but said she would call back to speak to somebody else. Keep in mind she called us, not the other way around.]
SC: "Where do you work?"
Me: "Pardon?"
SC: "Like, what do you do for your job?"
Me: "...I work here. For [company she just called]."
SC: "Oh."
Me: "..."
SC: "Well I'm sorry, but I don't have verification of that."
I...er...ok. I don't know what to say to that one. I'm sitting here answering the company's phone, and last time you came to the store I was there wearing the company's uniform and helping the company's customers, and I KNOW you remember that because you mentioned it earlier in the call.
Some might say you just didn't want to talk to me and came up with a lame excuse. But I believe you. It's good to be suspicious in the morning.
Philip
SC: "Hello, sir. How do you do?"
Me: "Just fine; thank you for asking."
SC: "My name is Philip. Good-bye." [click]
Me: "..."
If they decided to create an award for the most polite crazy person to ever call me, you Philip, would win that award. Now, Philip, there is no such award at this time, but let's not let that stop us. Let's create an award, Philip, an award so prestigious that it will soon be spoken in the same breath as the Nobel Prize. And its first recipient will be you, Philip. I hope you're prepared for the press conference, Philip, which I've taken the liberty of scheduling for tonight at six o'clock. Then, Philip, we'll follow with book signings, talk shows, and a national tour. You see, Philip, being the most polite crazy person to call me, ever, is quite the commitment. But I'm sure you're up to the task. Philip.
(Note: Sarcasm.)
Oh yeah; that actually was me
Me: [via email] "Hi Tony, it's Mango from [Company]. I have the quote you asked about this morning; that would be $xxx and includes blah blah blah..."
SC: "you sent this to the wrong email address"
I assumed I wrote the customer's email address down wrong and called him to ask for it. He said:
SC: "Oh yeah; that actually was me. The email you have is correct."
So let me get this straight. Your name is Tony. You've asked me, Mango, who works for [Company], for a quote. Later that same day you receive an email, from someone named Mango, with pricing information for a [Company] product. It's addressed to you by name. What is it that they say? "The simplest explanation is always the best"? Ah yes. There must be someone ELSE named Mango, who also works for [Company], and is providing someone ELSE named Tony with the exact same information that you asked for. That is certainly quite the coincidence. Why, the odds of that happening must be frightfully astronomical. I'd even say positively astronomical! But yes, it is without a doubt the simplest explanation.
Come on, man! Put two and two together! I'll wait!
Skytrain
[I moved out of Vancouver some time ago; my friends still there make sure I "remember my roots" as it were.]
F: "At the Skytrain station this morning, there was this guy, about 6'4", dressed in steel-toed work boots, short-shorts, and a feather boa. And that was it. Literally it, as in no socks or shirt. It was like six degrees out, but he didn't seem cold. He was also - if you can believe this - rapping Shakespeare.
Me: "Wow."
F: "Yeah. It was a little hard to understand, but I'm pretty sure I caught bits of Twelfth Night. It looked like something right out of..." [he pauses to think]
Me: "...Vancouver?"
F: "It was even too non-sequitur for Vancouver."
I asked him what Skytrain station it was. In one of these weird twists of fate, it so happens to be the one nearest to Gravekeeper's house!
__________________
Buddy Holly meets Smooth Jazz
867
C: "Hello, I need to order [product]."
Me: "Ok, may I please have your name?"
C: "Firstname Lastname."
Me: "And your shipping address please?"
C: "PO Box 123, Khjqqqqqqcookiegak5, Nunavut, X0A 0E0"
Me: "Thank you very much; that comes to $xx. How would you like to pay?"
C: "Visa, please. xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx expires xx/xx."
Me: "Very good; that transaction has been approved. Your order will ship today, and your Canada Post reference number is flastname."
C: "Ok, thank you. Have a nice day."
Me: "You as well. Goodbye."
NOW SEE HERE! I saw 867 on my Caller ID and expected a call worthy of a Gravekeeper post. It was in fact totally anticlimactic. I am tempted to demand compensation.
867
Me: "May I please have your postal code?"
SC: "X0C, one vagina six."
This is much better.
We accept Visa, MasterCard, and Honky Honky, apparently.
SC: "I just need to find my credit card."
Me: "Sure, no problem."
SC: "Let's see, I think it--" [HONKY, HONKY! HONKY, HONKY!] "--oh, my! Why, here it is!"
...you keep it next to your fanfare horn?
It's Good to be Suspicious in the Morning
[The customer called to place an order, but said she would call back to speak to somebody else. Keep in mind she called us, not the other way around.]
SC: "Where do you work?"
Me: "Pardon?"
SC: "Like, what do you do for your job?"
Me: "...I work here. For [company she just called]."
SC: "Oh."
Me: "..."
SC: "Well I'm sorry, but I don't have verification of that."
I...er...ok. I don't know what to say to that one. I'm sitting here answering the company's phone, and last time you came to the store I was there wearing the company's uniform and helping the company's customers, and I KNOW you remember that because you mentioned it earlier in the call.
Some might say you just didn't want to talk to me and came up with a lame excuse. But I believe you. It's good to be suspicious in the morning.
Philip
SC: "Hello, sir. How do you do?"
Me: "Just fine; thank you for asking."
SC: "My name is Philip. Good-bye." [click]
Me: "..."
If they decided to create an award for the most polite crazy person to ever call me, you Philip, would win that award. Now, Philip, there is no such award at this time, but let's not let that stop us. Let's create an award, Philip, an award so prestigious that it will soon be spoken in the same breath as the Nobel Prize. And its first recipient will be you, Philip. I hope you're prepared for the press conference, Philip, which I've taken the liberty of scheduling for tonight at six o'clock. Then, Philip, we'll follow with book signings, talk shows, and a national tour. You see, Philip, being the most polite crazy person to call me, ever, is quite the commitment. But I'm sure you're up to the task. Philip.
(Note: Sarcasm.)
Oh yeah; that actually was me
Me: [via email] "Hi Tony, it's Mango from [Company]. I have the quote you asked about this morning; that would be $xxx and includes blah blah blah..."
SC: "you sent this to the wrong email address"
I assumed I wrote the customer's email address down wrong and called him to ask for it. He said:
SC: "Oh yeah; that actually was me. The email you have is correct."
So let me get this straight. Your name is Tony. You've asked me, Mango, who works for [Company], for a quote. Later that same day you receive an email, from someone named Mango, with pricing information for a [Company] product. It's addressed to you by name. What is it that they say? "The simplest explanation is always the best"? Ah yes. There must be someone ELSE named Mango, who also works for [Company], and is providing someone ELSE named Tony with the exact same information that you asked for. That is certainly quite the coincidence. Why, the odds of that happening must be frightfully astronomical. I'd even say positively astronomical! But yes, it is without a doubt the simplest explanation.
Come on, man! Put two and two together! I'll wait!
Skytrain
[I moved out of Vancouver some time ago; my friends still there make sure I "remember my roots" as it were.]
F: "At the Skytrain station this morning, there was this guy, about 6'4", dressed in steel-toed work boots, short-shorts, and a feather boa. And that was it. Literally it, as in no socks or shirt. It was like six degrees out, but he didn't seem cold. He was also - if you can believe this - rapping Shakespeare.
Me: "Wow."
F: "Yeah. It was a little hard to understand, but I'm pretty sure I caught bits of Twelfth Night. It looked like something right out of..." [he pauses to think]
Me: "...Vancouver?"
F: "It was even too non-sequitur for Vancouver."
I asked him what Skytrain station it was. In one of these weird twists of fate, it so happens to be the one nearest to Gravekeeper's house!
__________________
Buddy Holly meets Smooth Jazz
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