Interfaith Relationships

[Antisocial_Worker]

Hello, fellow, CSers!

As some of you know, I'm in school at the moment. The end of the semester is approaching rapidly, and in one class I'm having no luck. This class is intercultural communications, and for my final paper I decided to study just what it is that happens when the two partners in a relationships are of different faiths. After all, I know one couple where one partner is a Druid and the other a Baptist, and a couple in which one partner is a witch and the other a Catholic. You'd think it would be easy.

But no. Getting ahold of these people is impossible and when I can get ahold of them, someone is sick, the baby is throwing up, or both.

Therefore, I turn to you. If any of you out there are in interfaith relationships where your faith is totally different from that of your partner, call the Maury Show...

Wait, no. Don't call Maury. Tell me about it instead. Especially if you have kids, because that adds an entirely new wrinkle to the situation. How do you balance your faith with someone whose faith disregards or disagrees with yours? If you have kids, which faith, if any, are you going to raise them in?

In other words, how do you make it work? I want to know!

[Kheldarson]

I'll get Kabe to post on here later for his side, but since I can't sleep, I'll help ^^

I'm Roman Catholic (make that Irish-German Roman Catholic. I think the Irish overwhelms everything though :P) and Kabe's agnostic. I should probably note that my parents were also interfaith, with mom being RC and dad being more or less non-denominational Christian (grew up Baptist, was never baptized, didn't like church; he converted to RC several years ago though).

What this means for us? Well, before getting married, I made it very clear that any kids we had would be raised RC, and was he okay with this? He said yes.

I don't try to push things on him (although I do insist he comes to church for Easter and Christmas, but that's partly because I sing in the choir and we do special stuff and I want him to hear it). The only thing I've really asked is that he eventually goes to RCIA to get a better background in RC to help with raising our children. I'm not looking for him to convert.

And I think that's the big thing. We communicate the differences. I'm a bit more of a hard head about it than he, but I still listen. I also think that having the parental background I do helps.

[iradney]

My parents are kind of inter-faith. My Mom is a Roman Catholic, and my Dad is agnostic/highly skeptical.

I think they make it work through communication, respect and trust.
Dad doesn't do church - funerals and weddings, that's about it. Mom used to go to church weekly when she was still in South Africa, I don't think she does in Canada. She probably worships in her own way and has her conversations with God where ever and whenever she can.

The RC church required that I be raised RC as my Mom was RC. We had a nice church, but now I'm completely disinterested in organized religion. They both agreed when I was an adult, I could decide if I wanted to continue, and they did their best to answer my (sometimes) difficult questions from both sides.

The cool thing about being raised the way I was, I learned that you don't necessarily have to be religious to be a good person, and you don't necessarily need a church to be close to God.

[AccountingDrone]

Hubby is episcopalian [and self refers as a 'Scots Heretic' ] and is not particularly observant, basically Christmas and Easter.

I am rather ecumenical. I was raised baptist, mom was anabaptist [amish] and I jokingly refer to myself as a heretic or pagan mainly because I feel that there is no single right way and am just happy when people are nice just because they want to be and not because their religion has terrorized them into behaving on pain of hell, damnation or whatever. I think most people would call me an agnostic.

One of our best friends is hard core catholic, almost a fundamentalist kind, and we jokingly tell each other that if he wont burn me at the stake I won't throw him to the lions

I am able to more or less get along with my assorted episcopalian and baptist/anabaptist relatives by nodding and smiling. If someone offers to pray for me, I thank them for thinking about me. I have gone to catholic masses and gone down to be blessed because it was important to the person I was with at the time [there is a way to do it without getting communion.]

[PepperElf]

and a couple in which one partner is a witch and the other a Catholic

I laugh cos... that's us! I have a Crucifix on the bedroom dresser and he has a broom on the dining room wall.

How do we make it work?

1) We are open to discussing what we believe in - but without attempting to convert each other. So he's taught me some of the beliefs of Wicca and I've told him some of the practices of Catholics.

2) We agree on politics. Until I met him, I never realized that having similar political views would be more important than being the same faith.


No kids though. I think I'm getting too old to have them anyway, so it's more of a "avoid the topic cos it's moot" situation. We have a dog but the dog hasn't told us what she believes in yet (other than how much she loves Mommy & Daddy).

[Aethian]

I used to be in one, want input?

[KhirasHY]

Wish I could help...my partner and I don't necessarily believe the same things, but our beliefs don't really fall into specific dogmas, so there's not as much to believe in. I'd say he's a Pagan to my Agnostic...but it's more complicated than that.

That said, we get along just fine, mainly because he's figured out by now that I'm a horrendous troll, and I refuse to take anything seriously. It's hard to talk to someone about religion when they spend the conversation trying to drool on your head.

No, I am not exaggerating. He gets so flustered (not to mention annoyed) that he just gives up

[Gravekeeper]

It depends entirely on

A) How seriously both parties take their faith

and

B) How seriously both parties want to shove said faith on any children.

If either side is too serious, things will get rocky pretty quick. >.>

[Antisocial_Worker]

I used to be in one, want input?

By all means... I need as much input as I can get.

[Kara]

I'm a Christian and my love is a Pagan. How do we make it work? I'm anti-dogmatic. I don't follow all the conventions of my religion, primarily anything that has to do with any church. I've found churches to be far too politically motivated. And church leaders, at least the ones I've had, are too self-important and self-absorbed. So I started keeping my relationship with my faith a personal matter. I have my beliefs and interpretations of my faith, and it works for me. And my girl is pretty relaxed about her own beliefs as well. We don't argue about which of our faiths is "right" or "wrong" (or what aspects of them may or may not be), we just do our own things and respect each other's beliefs.

I don't even know much about Paganism. There's something about dancing naked in a forest, I'd be happy to watch her do that any time. But every Pagan I've ever known has been really sweet an awesome and I can't find a single reason to think there's anything "wrong" with the religion itself, though I've heard it talked about in a negative light in those churches I avoid. But I'm good with it, and I'm comfortable with us. A couple weeks ago, I noticed her eyeballing a ritual dagger (I can't for the life of me remember what she called it, but there's a name for it), and I had no qualms about buying it for her.

[Crossbow]

I wish I could put you in touch with my friends back in NY. He's Lebanese Christian and she was Kabbalistic Jewish, raised in the West Bank. They made it work for many years until she passed away a few years ago from multiple health issues. They joked that they were married in a Southern Baptist church as it was the closest thing to neutral territory.

[slipknotpsycho]

<SNIP>

I don't even know much about Paganism. There's something about dancing naked in a forest, I'd be happy to watch her do that any time. But every Pagan I've ever known has been really sweet an awesome and I can't find a single reason to think there's anything "wrong" with the religion itself, though I've heard it talked about in a negative light in those churches I avoid. But I'm good with it, and I'm comfortable with us. A couple weeks ago, I noticed her eyeballing a ritual dagger (I can't for the life of me remember what she called it, but there's a name for it), and I had no qualms about buying it for her.

it was probably an Athamé

[PepperElf]

A couple weeks ago, I noticed her eyeballing a ritual dagger (I can't for the life of me remember what she called it, but there's a name for it), and I had no qualms about buying it for her.

My BF got quite the surprise our first Yule together when he found that I'd ordered him a cast iron cauldron. And his coworkers were rather displeased at having to carry a 9-pound box from the hanger bay to his workshop.

[kaherbert]

We are on our 4th generation of interfaith family.

My maternal grandmother was Scottish/Protestant maternal grandfather was Irish Catholic. They eloped. She converted. For a while her family disowned her. His family accepted them. For a while my grandmother and the 4 oldest kids lived on the 3rd floor for his parent's home while he was serving in WWII. At some point my maternal grandmother's family accepted the situation. THey moved to her hometown - and raised their 10 kids there.

There was some osterisim from other community members. In particular my uncles and a group of other boys from a similar family were often taunted. At one time they responded by tying the girls doing the taunting to a tree. When the girls' families found out they made the girls apologize for saying a pornographic version of the Hail Mary that provoked the boys. Honestly I think the fact my Maternal grandmother's grandfather, father, and uncle were the only doctors in the area made the other people more "accepting".

My paternal Uncle (Protestant) married a Catholic lady and converted. This was in Houston as far as I could care no-one cared.

The next generation -
My parents, several aunts and uncles married people of other Christian groups. Honestly no-one cared. The biggest issue was telling the Protestant family members they can't take communion during the Catholic services. Oh and one time I was 7 and sister was 4 we went to a funeral in a Southern Baptist church. We crossed ourselves out of habit. 2 old church ladies (not relatives) flipped out and called us names. The minister made them leave and made sure we were ok. Thankfully the immediate family of the deceased relative did not hear/see the exchange.

My generation and next one
Probably 3/4 of the marriages are interfaith to different extents. Kids tend to be exposed to multiple faiths and make their own decisions. All faiths are respected as are those of us who are not religious.

[kansasgal]

I am Pagan, and my husband is Southern Baptist and we have been married for 30 years.

We do talk about our religion, mostly he is interested in what I do and why, and I ask him about specific things he does. We don't discuss who's god (or goddess) is better, bigger, badder, etc.

Normally we agree to disagree, although he finds it hilarious when some Christian starts giving me trouble about the paganism, and then I recite how Christianity got it's holidays, and then recite multiple verses of the Bible, because I enjoy reading all religions holy documents.

My children are raised to believe in what they feel is right for them. My oldest son is a Baptist with Pagan leanings, my youngest is a Methodist but is interested in all religions. I have always told them that every path is correct for the person who chooses it, and that they need to feel comfortable with what they believe.