But what did the butler do?

[Kit-Ginevra]

Dear hearts,dearest hearts,we need your help.I-I have been invited onstage to Mr.Jay Gatsby's manor-performing 7.30pm every night this week.As being a party guest is a gregarious experience,you can't just stand there looking around waiting for something to happen or saying 'er...erm....how are you...having a good time?'

So to pep up the conversation whilst we mingle and avoid eavesdropping on the host's interesting titbits,our little group has been coming up with the story of the butler...-'e' were t'whippet breeder oop North and we dragged'im'up by t'scruff of his heels over 'ere when Gatsby brung'im over' and each night we meet a new member of his family.We've now had his mother-champion sausage fighter-beat a man senseless with a black pudding,the brother-shipped away for indecent sexual assaults with a haggis,and tonight it was the father-passed through the Great War wi not a scratch on him,to be bowled over by a runaway cheese-'crushed to a pulp by an out of control Edam at his homecoming party-it were reet tragic'.

So tomorrow-we need a new member of the family to introduce.... and a story for them.Please.You're all adorable,old sports,you really are.

[Seshat]

's Gran lives oot by Loch Ness, y'ken, an' she skins the sassenach ta' rent 'er hoose an try ta see tha monsta. Tha auld lassie's mintin' it.