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(b/g) Mom is in a nursing home. She is in a wheelchair all day because she can no longer stand or walk (I believe it's more a case of muscle atrophy than any particular disease). Her memory ... sputters. It's clearer now than it has been in the past two years but it's by no means 100% and barring a full-blown miracle is unlikely to ever be so again. Her judgement and her ability to be proactive in anything -- including day-to-day activities, such as taking her medications -- has been severely affected. (end b/g)
I went to visit Mom today and towards the end, while I was waiting for staff to get her into bed, I was chatting with one of the activities staff people, a young guy who's training for a nurse. I had mentioned that I had only 4 hours of paid work last week (which was fine as it was Finals week) and I'm only scheduled for 4 hours this week (not so fine). A few minutes later, after some unrelated chatter, Young Activities Guy suddenly said, "Wait, you're only working four hours a week now, right?"
Me: "Well, yes ..."
Young Activities Guy (brightening): "Well, why don't you take your mother home and care for her there?"
I managed NOT to say, "Are you fucking KIDDING me?!?" but it was a near thing.
Item: Yes, I'm working four hours THIS WEEK. I am hoping to pick up more hours as the weeks go on and in fact am looking for a second job. I'm hoping to get as close to 40 hours a week as possible. I'm hoping to go back to school in September. If I am successful in either or both of these, even if we got PSWs in, that would still mean long hours with a wheelchair-bound, not-entirely-compos-mentis senior left alone in the house.
Item: She would very likely start smoking again. See above about not-entirely-compos-mentis senior. If her cigarette fell and ignited, say, the carpet, she could not get herself out of the house. I would not even want to bet the rent money that she would recognize the situation as an emergency, nor that she would think to dial 911 if she did.
Item: This house is in no way accessible. There's no ramp at the front or back doors. The interior would need renovations on a grand scale if she were to have access to the bathroom ... unless he thinks a suitable alternative would be for me to take her out in the backyard and hose her down once a week.
Item: How do you get a wheelchair into a Toyota Corolla?? Short answer: You don't. I'd need a new vehicle and it would need modifications.
Item: Finally, not to sound callous, but there is a reason I'm not a PSW or a nurse. In fact, there is a veritable legion of reasons, starting with the fact I do not have the temperament, the patience or the slightest wish to do that type of work -- not even for my mother.
I am giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming that he thought I felt bad about Mom being where she is. I don't. She is getting excellent care. She is getting good meals AND she's getting her medications -- on time! She has the mental stimulation that comes from interaction with other people ... whether she wants it or not sometimes.
(Her default answer to any "Would you like to ..." question is "No!" so staff sometimes just say, "Okay, J, we're going downstairs now for [activity]." Usually that works and she actually enjoys the activity.) She's also welcome to sit in her room when she wants peace and quiet; staff say they've seen her flipping through large-print books or magazines at those times. I visit three to four times a week, usually for three to four hours per visit. Despite her insistence over the years that she would never, ever go into a nursing home, not once has she said, "I want to go home."
Young Activities Guy is good at what he does, and really works hard at coming up with activities ... but I was dumbfounded that he would think that the work being done by a multitude of nurses and other staff to provide round-the-clock care for someone could be done by one person, with the parttime help of some PSWs.
I went to visit Mom today and towards the end, while I was waiting for staff to get her into bed, I was chatting with one of the activities staff people, a young guy who's training for a nurse. I had mentioned that I had only 4 hours of paid work last week (which was fine as it was Finals week) and I'm only scheduled for 4 hours this week (not so fine). A few minutes later, after some unrelated chatter, Young Activities Guy suddenly said, "Wait, you're only working four hours a week now, right?"
Me: "Well, yes ..."
Young Activities Guy (brightening): "Well, why don't you take your mother home and care for her there?"
I managed NOT to say, "Are you fucking KIDDING me?!?" but it was a near thing.
Item: Yes, I'm working four hours THIS WEEK. I am hoping to pick up more hours as the weeks go on and in fact am looking for a second job. I'm hoping to get as close to 40 hours a week as possible. I'm hoping to go back to school in September. If I am successful in either or both of these, even if we got PSWs in, that would still mean long hours with a wheelchair-bound, not-entirely-compos-mentis senior left alone in the house.
Item: She would very likely start smoking again. See above about not-entirely-compos-mentis senior. If her cigarette fell and ignited, say, the carpet, she could not get herself out of the house. I would not even want to bet the rent money that she would recognize the situation as an emergency, nor that she would think to dial 911 if she did.
Item: This house is in no way accessible. There's no ramp at the front or back doors. The interior would need renovations on a grand scale if she were to have access to the bathroom ... unless he thinks a suitable alternative would be for me to take her out in the backyard and hose her down once a week.
Item: How do you get a wheelchair into a Toyota Corolla?? Short answer: You don't. I'd need a new vehicle and it would need modifications.
Item: Finally, not to sound callous, but there is a reason I'm not a PSW or a nurse. In fact, there is a veritable legion of reasons, starting with the fact I do not have the temperament, the patience or the slightest wish to do that type of work -- not even for my mother.
I am giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming that he thought I felt bad about Mom being where she is. I don't. She is getting excellent care. She is getting good meals AND she's getting her medications -- on time! She has the mental stimulation that comes from interaction with other people ... whether she wants it or not sometimes.
(Her default answer to any "Would you like to ..." question is "No!" so staff sometimes just say, "Okay, J, we're going downstairs now for [activity]." Usually that works and she actually enjoys the activity.) She's also welcome to sit in her room when she wants peace and quiet; staff say they've seen her flipping through large-print books or magazines at those times. I visit three to four times a week, usually for three to four hours per visit. Despite her insistence over the years that she would never, ever go into a nursing home, not once has she said, "I want to go home."Young Activities Guy is good at what he does, and really works hard at coming up with activities ... but I was dumbfounded that he would think that the work being done by a multitude of nurses and other staff to provide round-the-clock care for someone could be done by one person, with the parttime help of some PSWs.
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