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Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been around much lately. As in, at all. Of course, some of you may be wondering, "What's he talking about? And is that's why it's been so damn peaceful in here?"
In any case, I've been a bit lax in the CS.com department, and for that, I apologize. (Unless you enjoyed my absence. In which case, I apologize for my return.)
I won't give excuses for my long exile. I will, however, give some reasons.
1. Been busy at work. Really busy, long shifts, training new people, dealing with a management shakeup, etc. You know, all the fun stuff of working in a bar. Six plus years at this bar, and I am now dealing with my fifth general manager. On the plus side, this guy definitely seems to have a sense of humor. (See below.)
2. Been busy trying to kill myself, apparently. Oh, you want details? Well, it's quite hilarious, really. In a matter of less than a week, I:
--fell on my ass/tailbone when I went to sit down at a bar, not realizing my chair behind me had fallen over.
--crashed my bicycle on my way home, doing far more damage to my bike than myself, but doing enough damage to myself where I have regrown my goatee to cover up some of the cuts and bruises on my chin. People have asked if I was drinking. Not while riding my bike, no. But for several hours beforehand, certainly.
--electrocuted myself at work. No, that is not a typo. On a Sunday shift that I picked up for a coworker (I don't normally work Sundays at all, but I wanted money, and he wanted the day off to go fishing), I went into the keg room to change a keg. When I flipped the switch and the light didn't come on, I reached up to jiggle the bulb, figuring it was either loose or out. What I didn't do was look up, nor realize that there was no bulb there, and I stuck my finger RIGHT in the socket. And...the entire kitchen heard me scream. Worst electrical shock of my life. How bad was it? Well, while I am rather hyper, I am not in any way jittery, and I was superly jittery and fidgety after that, to the point of:
--my fingers on my right hand constantly being in motion, in a fidgety way;
--whenever I had a pen in my hand, I'd be clicking it on and off non-stop;
--whenever I poured a draft beer, my hand and arm would clench to a ridiculous degree;
--it felt like all my muscles were trying to jump out of my skin;
--my brain felt it like had been fried, to the point where I often had to stop and think about what I was doing, even if it was something basic that I'd done a million times as a bartender.
At one point, after this went on for over 20 minutes, I made a point of telling my manager that she should make a report about it.
ROCKIN' MANAGER: "Are you okay?"
ME: "No."
ROCKIN' MANAGER: "Do you need to go to the hospital?"
ME: "Hell no!"
ROCKIN' MANAGER: "But you just said..."
And I went about explaining to her that, no, I wasn't quite right, but I already knew that all the doctors would tell me would be that I just had to wait it out, let the electrical surge that was playing havoc with my system work its way out of my system, and that they wouldn't be able to do anything to help me. And while I was definitely experiencing discomfort, I had picked the shift up to make money, and damn it, I was NOT going to give up the shift just to go wait in the ER and hear what I already knew was he case. So I finished my shift, the entire time feeling that way, and it wasn't until about nine hours after I got zapped that my body stopped feeling that way...and the next day, while I was (predictably) sore, I was otherwise fine.
That week, I was a danger to myself, if not to others!
Side note: the day after the electrocution, we had a staff meeting/cleaning party. After the meeting party broke up, my new GM said to me, "Jester, the first thing I want you to do is check the light bulbs in all the walk-ins." To which I responded, "Let me be the first to tell you to go fuck yourself." To which he laughed.
When you can tell your brand new boss to go fuck himself, and he laughs, that is usually a good sign.
3. A new World of Beer opened up in Key West. If you've known me for more than five seconds, you know this occupied a LOT of my attention and time. And, if you're a fan of beer (or of me), you'll be proud to know that I am on the "Leader Board" at the WoB KW, which tracks who (of the Loyalty Card members) has tried the most different beers. Not only on the board, but in the top 5. Honestly, I would have been the first to 50, and the first to 100, but I was really ill for six days in the middle of it all, so I missed out on those honors. (The last day I was in WoB KW before I got six, I had my 49th different beer, so it was close.) Had I not gotten sick, I would have almost definitely been the first to 100, as I did my first 100 in just 19 days, sandwiched around those 6 days I was ill. (I don't drink when I'm ill.) And to be fair to me, 2 of the 3 people who beat me to 100 "cheated." One was teaming with his wife, and another's girlfriend came in and bought 35 beers to go on his tab to put him at 100, just hours before I came in and hit my 100th.
4. I've been getting laid. I love you, CS, I do, but when it comes to a choice between sex or CS, CS is going to lose out almost every time.
Since I know some of you are curious, and I am not known for keeping many secrets, I will tell you that the lady in question is the mother of a friend. Now, before anyone goes "EWWW!", I shall explain. The friend is in her late 20s, I am in 42, and the mom is in her late 40s...in other words, closer in age to me than her daughter. Also, I have known the mom for several years, as she's been coming down here for some time, and just recently moved here, after a separation. And we actually get along much better than her daughter and I do. So it's not as squicky as it sounds.
Also, the sex is ridiculously awesome. Just saying.
(Though I had no idea she was interested in me in any way beyond drinking buddies...but apparently this was an idea she had had in her head for quite some time, so obviously I am not the most observant person in the world!)
5. I've been busy planning for/shopping for/cooking for two upcoming chili cookoffs. The first of which is this Sunday, and which yesterday was canceled at the bar that was hosting it, and today, because of my postings on facebook, another bar in town jumped in and said they'd host it, which makes them rock stars in my book. (We won't mention what I think of the original host bar and their decision to cancel 5 days before the cookoff, after many people had already bought their groceries, and after I had already spent a whole day crafting my chili...but let's just say it sounds vaguely like "inconsiderate idiotic incompetent imbeciles.")
6. My iPad. Yes, I have a new iPad. Now, why would this keep me from CS? Well, I use it a lot, and I surf the web and facebook on it a lot, but I don't like to type on it extensively, because it can be a pain in the ass to do so, whether I use the touch screen or the keyboard in the cover I bought for it. Neither is as fast or as easy to use as the keyboard in my laptop....but the iPad is far more convenient for me to take everywhere in my backpack, or to use while laying in bed or sitting in my balcony hammock swing (another new and awesome addition in my life). But as you may realize if you've gotten this far, my CS posts are NOT generally short....so the whole thing kinda snowballed.
In any case, for better, for worse, and for everything in between....
I'm back.
In any case, I've been a bit lax in the CS.com department, and for that, I apologize. (Unless you enjoyed my absence. In which case, I apologize for my return.)
I won't give excuses for my long exile. I will, however, give some reasons.
1. Been busy at work. Really busy, long shifts, training new people, dealing with a management shakeup, etc. You know, all the fun stuff of working in a bar. Six plus years at this bar, and I am now dealing with my fifth general manager. On the plus side, this guy definitely seems to have a sense of humor. (See below.)
2. Been busy trying to kill myself, apparently. Oh, you want details? Well, it's quite hilarious, really. In a matter of less than a week, I:
--fell on my ass/tailbone when I went to sit down at a bar, not realizing my chair behind me had fallen over.
--crashed my bicycle on my way home, doing far more damage to my bike than myself, but doing enough damage to myself where I have regrown my goatee to cover up some of the cuts and bruises on my chin. People have asked if I was drinking. Not while riding my bike, no. But for several hours beforehand, certainly.
--electrocuted myself at work. No, that is not a typo. On a Sunday shift that I picked up for a coworker (I don't normally work Sundays at all, but I wanted money, and he wanted the day off to go fishing), I went into the keg room to change a keg. When I flipped the switch and the light didn't come on, I reached up to jiggle the bulb, figuring it was either loose or out. What I didn't do was look up, nor realize that there was no bulb there, and I stuck my finger RIGHT in the socket. And...the entire kitchen heard me scream. Worst electrical shock of my life. How bad was it? Well, while I am rather hyper, I am not in any way jittery, and I was superly jittery and fidgety after that, to the point of:
--my fingers on my right hand constantly being in motion, in a fidgety way;
--whenever I had a pen in my hand, I'd be clicking it on and off non-stop;
--whenever I poured a draft beer, my hand and arm would clench to a ridiculous degree;
--it felt like all my muscles were trying to jump out of my skin;
--my brain felt it like had been fried, to the point where I often had to stop and think about what I was doing, even if it was something basic that I'd done a million times as a bartender.
At one point, after this went on for over 20 minutes, I made a point of telling my manager that she should make a report about it.
ROCKIN' MANAGER: "Are you okay?"
ME: "No."
ROCKIN' MANAGER: "Do you need to go to the hospital?"
ME: "Hell no!"
ROCKIN' MANAGER: "But you just said..."
And I went about explaining to her that, no, I wasn't quite right, but I already knew that all the doctors would tell me would be that I just had to wait it out, let the electrical surge that was playing havoc with my system work its way out of my system, and that they wouldn't be able to do anything to help me. And while I was definitely experiencing discomfort, I had picked the shift up to make money, and damn it, I was NOT going to give up the shift just to go wait in the ER and hear what I already knew was he case. So I finished my shift, the entire time feeling that way, and it wasn't until about nine hours after I got zapped that my body stopped feeling that way...and the next day, while I was (predictably) sore, I was otherwise fine.
That week, I was a danger to myself, if not to others!
Side note: the day after the electrocution, we had a staff meeting/cleaning party. After the meeting party broke up, my new GM said to me, "Jester, the first thing I want you to do is check the light bulbs in all the walk-ins." To which I responded, "Let me be the first to tell you to go fuck yourself." To which he laughed.
When you can tell your brand new boss to go fuck himself, and he laughs, that is usually a good sign.
3. A new World of Beer opened up in Key West. If you've known me for more than five seconds, you know this occupied a LOT of my attention and time. And, if you're a fan of beer (or of me), you'll be proud to know that I am on the "Leader Board" at the WoB KW, which tracks who (of the Loyalty Card members) has tried the most different beers. Not only on the board, but in the top 5. Honestly, I would have been the first to 50, and the first to 100, but I was really ill for six days in the middle of it all, so I missed out on those honors. (The last day I was in WoB KW before I got six, I had my 49th different beer, so it was close.) Had I not gotten sick, I would have almost definitely been the first to 100, as I did my first 100 in just 19 days, sandwiched around those 6 days I was ill. (I don't drink when I'm ill.) And to be fair to me, 2 of the 3 people who beat me to 100 "cheated." One was teaming with his wife, and another's girlfriend came in and bought 35 beers to go on his tab to put him at 100, just hours before I came in and hit my 100th.
4. I've been getting laid. I love you, CS, I do, but when it comes to a choice between sex or CS, CS is going to lose out almost every time.
Since I know some of you are curious, and I am not known for keeping many secrets, I will tell you that the lady in question is the mother of a friend. Now, before anyone goes "EWWW!", I shall explain. The friend is in her late 20s, I am in 42, and the mom is in her late 40s...in other words, closer in age to me than her daughter. Also, I have known the mom for several years, as she's been coming down here for some time, and just recently moved here, after a separation. And we actually get along much better than her daughter and I do. So it's not as squicky as it sounds.
Also, the sex is ridiculously awesome. Just saying.
(Though I had no idea she was interested in me in any way beyond drinking buddies...but apparently this was an idea she had had in her head for quite some time, so obviously I am not the most observant person in the world!)
5. I've been busy planning for/shopping for/cooking for two upcoming chili cookoffs. The first of which is this Sunday, and which yesterday was canceled at the bar that was hosting it, and today, because of my postings on facebook, another bar in town jumped in and said they'd host it, which makes them rock stars in my book. (We won't mention what I think of the original host bar and their decision to cancel 5 days before the cookoff, after many people had already bought their groceries, and after I had already spent a whole day crafting my chili...but let's just say it sounds vaguely like "inconsiderate idiotic incompetent imbeciles.")
6. My iPad. Yes, I have a new iPad. Now, why would this keep me from CS? Well, I use it a lot, and I surf the web and facebook on it a lot, but I don't like to type on it extensively, because it can be a pain in the ass to do so, whether I use the touch screen or the keyboard in the cover I bought for it. Neither is as fast or as easy to use as the keyboard in my laptop....but the iPad is far more convenient for me to take everywhere in my backpack, or to use while laying in bed or sitting in my balcony hammock swing (another new and awesome addition in my life). But as you may realize if you've gotten this far, my CS posts are NOT generally short....so the whole thing kinda snowballed.
In any case, for better, for worse, and for everything in between....
I'm back.
, and good to see that despite your utmost efforts, you haven't managed to kill yourself. 
(Yeah, I know, if you could have foreseen those things happening to know how long it would be....)
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