I honestly never thought I would use that line *points to the title* but yeah. So here ya go.
So today started off like any normal day. Roadworks on the motorway made me almost late because it appears to be national rip up the road week in England, I found the department a pig sty from the late shift last night. I made a mental note to find everyone on last nights late shift and rip them a new one, I found one more piece of equipment that doesn’t fucking work...then we opened up the store.
Nothing exciting there.
about 10 o’clock rolls around. a few other TechDirect staff have come in and basically we’re just getting on with our work.
Then in walk these 3 guys. I barely even noticed them above the usual thinking of “why have 3 people walked into the store together? I hope they don’t come up to my counter. I am too busy to deal with a family load of crap.”
They walk past our desk and head towards the computing section. That’s when the problem started. They walk up to our manager. We shall call him Jamie. They are talking to him and he’s not exactly acting natural so I keep my eye on them for a second.
Then one of them, in the middle of the shop, in plain sight of everyone pulls out a damn GUN and puts it to his chest. I wasn’t close enough to see if it was a real gun or not but from where I was standing, it looked pretty damn real. I’m gonna be honest here; I wasn’t going to take a chance.
The only people nearby me where the people on our department so my first priority is their safety. I actually have a plan for if shit like this should happen. We have the secure cage is right next to our department. It’s basically a steel mesh BOX with a 3 inch thick steel door. We keep all the high value stuff in there. It used to be the office so it has a phone, panic button and a fire escape hatch on the roof of it that...actually just lets you straight back into the burning building but I suppose of you find yourself accidentally locked in there and the place is then on fire; you can get out.
I pick up the keys to the cage, quickly explain to them what is going on and usher them into the cage. My plan is to keep as many people as I can safe by locking us in there and phoning the police from inside the aforementioned locked, steel box.
As I get to it I remember that the door has an odd quick. It squeeks but if you move it at exactly the right speed, not too fast, not too slow, it won’t. I’m trying my best not to get noticed here.
Then someone from the shop floor yells “SHIT! HE HAS A GUN!”
Screw subtlety. I have never unlocked that door so fast in my life. The robbers notice us and one comes charging over. Getting there just in time for me and another guy who’s with me to slam the door in his face. He puts his full weight on it to hold it shut while I, Also leaning my full weight on it, because the robber is desperately trying the handle, am fubleing with the lock. The damn key just won’t go in it!
Eventually I get the key in, turn it which locks us away from danger and turn around to see 5 very frightened co-workers.
Now this guy is banging on the cage door threatening to shoot his way in if we don’t open it. Everyone just gets down on the floor. even me. Mark must have picked the next part of my plan directly out of my mind because he reached up and grabbed the phone down off the desk, Dialing 999 (well, 9-999 but there ya go) and explaining the situation to the dispatcher. In fairness to him; he was very calm. He spoke slowly and clearly when giving them our address and explained the situation.
Someone outside made a decision that I am as yet undecided whether it was very wise of very foolish. They hit the fire alarm. I figure this was to get anyone who was in the back and didn’t know what was going on out through the fire doors at the back of the building.
There’s quite the commotion going on out there, thankfully there was no gunfire.
Jamie looked through the peep hole on the door and saw the guys with the guns legging it out of the store. See, He does it the way a responsible person would. I do it the insanity wolf way, climb up the shelving to the escape hatch, pull myself up onto the roof of the cage and peer over the top. this means the only thing between me and a bullet in the chest is plasterboard.
It was roughly at this point that the police storm the building. I make sure to get down quickly before there’s a thousand red dots all over my body and we all cautiously exit our steel box.
There were 3 injuries in this whole escapade.
1 was our rather large stockroom manager, Dave. It seems in the commotion, he tried to play the hero and rush these guys. This was very brave but INCREDIBLY stupid. They punched him in the throat and ended up making his throat swell up so much he was struggling to breath. He was taken to the hospital but thankfully is okay.
If you’re in that kind of situation; NEVER do what Dave did. It could have ended up a lot worse.
Injuries 2 and 3 were the ladies that look after our price tickets. Maurine and Dorothy are both about 296 years old. When they heard “Gun” they made a similar escape to the tech department except they went for the safety of the big steel doors of the warehouse. They were in such a rush to get through the doors they tripped over one another, both went tumbling to the ground and ended up with cracked ribs.
The robbers got away with nothing. Apparently halfway through this robbery, they realised what a monumentally stupid idea it was to rob a store in broad fucking daylight during trading hours. The one time in which we are not only going to have a lot of staff in the building, but customers too and, Oh yeah, The CCTV will pretty much certainly be switched on and pointed right in your damn face.
For those curious; What was said to our manager by the robbers was “We know you’re the manager. You have the keys to the safe. We want the money. NOW”
unfortunately for them they came on the wrong day. An armoured van had come along and emptied the safe of all the takings about 3 hours before they turned up. Even if the safe wasn't a 2-part key and if the person with the other half was there and they somehow managed to get the safe open, they would have gone away with the change bags totalling a few hundred pounds at best.
I hope you will all excuse my plain speaking here;
Fuck you, you low life thieving scumbags. How about the next time you want to try some shit like that. you do it without the guns and just fucking watch what happens to you. I hope the police catch you and throw your dumb arses in prison.
For all the Dave’s out there in the world; Please don’t do that kind of thing. The insurance company can replace money and stock, they cannot replace you. I realise that in such situations, you feel the need to defend everyone and everything around you but you cannot defend people if you are dead. PLEASE stay safe.
So today started off like any normal day. Roadworks on the motorway made me almost late because it appears to be national rip up the road week in England, I found the department a pig sty from the late shift last night. I made a mental note to find everyone on last nights late shift and rip them a new one, I found one more piece of equipment that doesn’t fucking work...then we opened up the store.
Nothing exciting there.
about 10 o’clock rolls around. a few other TechDirect staff have come in and basically we’re just getting on with our work.
Then in walk these 3 guys. I barely even noticed them above the usual thinking of “why have 3 people walked into the store together? I hope they don’t come up to my counter. I am too busy to deal with a family load of crap.”
They walk past our desk and head towards the computing section. That’s when the problem started. They walk up to our manager. We shall call him Jamie. They are talking to him and he’s not exactly acting natural so I keep my eye on them for a second.
Then one of them, in the middle of the shop, in plain sight of everyone pulls out a damn GUN and puts it to his chest. I wasn’t close enough to see if it was a real gun or not but from where I was standing, it looked pretty damn real. I’m gonna be honest here; I wasn’t going to take a chance.
The only people nearby me where the people on our department so my first priority is their safety. I actually have a plan for if shit like this should happen. We have the secure cage is right next to our department. It’s basically a steel mesh BOX with a 3 inch thick steel door. We keep all the high value stuff in there. It used to be the office so it has a phone, panic button and a fire escape hatch on the roof of it that...actually just lets you straight back into the burning building but I suppose of you find yourself accidentally locked in there and the place is then on fire; you can get out.
I pick up the keys to the cage, quickly explain to them what is going on and usher them into the cage. My plan is to keep as many people as I can safe by locking us in there and phoning the police from inside the aforementioned locked, steel box.
As I get to it I remember that the door has an odd quick. It squeeks but if you move it at exactly the right speed, not too fast, not too slow, it won’t. I’m trying my best not to get noticed here.
Then someone from the shop floor yells “SHIT! HE HAS A GUN!”
Screw subtlety. I have never unlocked that door so fast in my life. The robbers notice us and one comes charging over. Getting there just in time for me and another guy who’s with me to slam the door in his face. He puts his full weight on it to hold it shut while I, Also leaning my full weight on it, because the robber is desperately trying the handle, am fubleing with the lock. The damn key just won’t go in it!
Eventually I get the key in, turn it which locks us away from danger and turn around to see 5 very frightened co-workers.
Now this guy is banging on the cage door threatening to shoot his way in if we don’t open it. Everyone just gets down on the floor. even me. Mark must have picked the next part of my plan directly out of my mind because he reached up and grabbed the phone down off the desk, Dialing 999 (well, 9-999 but there ya go) and explaining the situation to the dispatcher. In fairness to him; he was very calm. He spoke slowly and clearly when giving them our address and explained the situation.
Someone outside made a decision that I am as yet undecided whether it was very wise of very foolish. They hit the fire alarm. I figure this was to get anyone who was in the back and didn’t know what was going on out through the fire doors at the back of the building.
There’s quite the commotion going on out there, thankfully there was no gunfire.
Jamie looked through the peep hole on the door and saw the guys with the guns legging it out of the store. See, He does it the way a responsible person would. I do it the insanity wolf way, climb up the shelving to the escape hatch, pull myself up onto the roof of the cage and peer over the top. this means the only thing between me and a bullet in the chest is plasterboard.
It was roughly at this point that the police storm the building. I make sure to get down quickly before there’s a thousand red dots all over my body and we all cautiously exit our steel box.
There were 3 injuries in this whole escapade.
1 was our rather large stockroom manager, Dave. It seems in the commotion, he tried to play the hero and rush these guys. This was very brave but INCREDIBLY stupid. They punched him in the throat and ended up making his throat swell up so much he was struggling to breath. He was taken to the hospital but thankfully is okay.
If you’re in that kind of situation; NEVER do what Dave did. It could have ended up a lot worse.
Injuries 2 and 3 were the ladies that look after our price tickets. Maurine and Dorothy are both about 296 years old. When they heard “Gun” they made a similar escape to the tech department except they went for the safety of the big steel doors of the warehouse. They were in such a rush to get through the doors they tripped over one another, both went tumbling to the ground and ended up with cracked ribs.
The robbers got away with nothing. Apparently halfway through this robbery, they realised what a monumentally stupid idea it was to rob a store in broad fucking daylight during trading hours. The one time in which we are not only going to have a lot of staff in the building, but customers too and, Oh yeah, The CCTV will pretty much certainly be switched on and pointed right in your damn face.
For those curious; What was said to our manager by the robbers was “We know you’re the manager. You have the keys to the safe. We want the money. NOW”
unfortunately for them they came on the wrong day. An armoured van had come along and emptied the safe of all the takings about 3 hours before they turned up. Even if the safe wasn't a 2-part key and if the person with the other half was there and they somehow managed to get the safe open, they would have gone away with the change bags totalling a few hundred pounds at best.
I hope you will all excuse my plain speaking here;
Fuck you, you low life thieving scumbags. How about the next time you want to try some shit like that. you do it without the guns and just fucking watch what happens to you. I hope the police catch you and throw your dumb arses in prison.
For all the Dave’s out there in the world; Please don’t do that kind of thing. The insurance company can replace money and stock, they cannot replace you. I realise that in such situations, you feel the need to defend everyone and everything around you but you cannot defend people if you are dead. PLEASE stay safe.
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