I don't really mind helping people out with tech issues, but this one really has me scratching my head.
Client: "So, I got this huge packet of <ultra-sensitive financial papers> in the mail today, and I want to put them on my computer so I can look at them away from my desk. I've been trying for an hour, and I can't figure it out! I don't know what I'm doing wrong!"
Me: "Well, let's see. Are they things you need to put into Word or Excel, or are they more like receipts that need to be sent to the computer with your scanner?"
Client: "What's 'Word or Excel'? What's a scanner? Don't be using those technical terms with me!"
I explain what a scanner is. I follow that up with the briefest explanations of Microsoft Word and Excel ever given. The client still doesn't understand.
Client: "FOR GOD'S SAKE! I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE TECHNICAL TERMS!"
Me: *sigh* "All right. Let's start over. How were you trying to get these papers onto your computer? You tell me."
Client: "Well, that thing on my desk. You know, the big thing you look at with the words and pictures and Google on it?"
I kind of feel where this is going and brace for impact...
Me: "You mean your screen?" (I remembered not to say "monitor" this time.)
Client: "YES! Well, I held the papers up to the big thing on my de--er, screen--and..."
Me: "Were you trying to scan your papers in using your screen? Your screen can't do that. You have to either type them all in or use a scanner."
Client: "YOU MEAN I HAVE TO TYPE ALL THIS SHIT IN? FUCK YOU, YOU DAMN IDIOT!" *click*
Ah, the old, "swear at the tech to compensate for the user's lack of knowledge, and then hang up as quickly as possible afterwards," technique.
Sadly, this kind of thing is a common occurrence, it seems. I've bounced this off a few of my tech friends, and someone calls them with this "problem" once a day. After all the things like this that I have to support, it's a wonder I don't drink. If I did, I'm sure I could chug a whole fifth of scotch right now.
Client: "So, I got this huge packet of <ultra-sensitive financial papers> in the mail today, and I want to put them on my computer so I can look at them away from my desk. I've been trying for an hour, and I can't figure it out! I don't know what I'm doing wrong!"
Me: "Well, let's see. Are they things you need to put into Word or Excel, or are they more like receipts that need to be sent to the computer with your scanner?"
Client: "What's 'Word or Excel'? What's a scanner? Don't be using those technical terms with me!"
I explain what a scanner is. I follow that up with the briefest explanations of Microsoft Word and Excel ever given. The client still doesn't understand.
Client: "FOR GOD'S SAKE! I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE TECHNICAL TERMS!"
Me: *sigh* "All right. Let's start over. How were you trying to get these papers onto your computer? You tell me."
Client: "Well, that thing on my desk. You know, the big thing you look at with the words and pictures and Google on it?"
I kind of feel where this is going and brace for impact...
Me: "You mean your screen?" (I remembered not to say "monitor" this time.)
Client: "YES! Well, I held the papers up to the big thing on my de--er, screen--and..."
Me: "Were you trying to scan your papers in using your screen? Your screen can't do that. You have to either type them all in or use a scanner."
Client: "YOU MEAN I HAVE TO TYPE ALL THIS SHIT IN? FUCK YOU, YOU DAMN IDIOT!" *click*
Ah, the old, "swear at the tech to compensate for the user's lack of knowledge, and then hang up as quickly as possible afterwards," technique.
Sadly, this kind of thing is a common occurrence, it seems. I've bounced this off a few of my tech friends, and someone calls them with this "problem" once a day. After all the things like this that I have to support, it's a wonder I don't drink. If I did, I'm sure I could chug a whole fifth of scotch right now.
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