I have 9 antivirus programs, 10 spyware and 15 adaware and I'm still infected

[Comp_geek]

So I get a call today from a guy, says his computer is infected even though he's got Norton Internet Security (YUCK) installed and the call went something like this...

Me: STORE, computers.
DUMMY: Yeah I've got Norton Internet Security installed and it tells me my computer is infected but it won't clean it.
Me: Ok well that usually happens because it's very difficult to keep up to date with everything that's out there.
D: I scanned with adaware but it tells me that I have to buy it in order for it to clean it up. Is there anyway I can get it to clean the infection?
Me:..Uhmmm .... you can register it..
D: Oh, is there any program that can fix this "NAME OF INFECTION DETECTED HERE"
Me: well there are a number of programs but they may or may not work. (i list off some programs)
D: Oh ok, but shouldn't adaware get rid of it. (WELL DUH, you've already f'in tried it)
Me: It should but sometimes it can't. *cue in store tech talk up* We do have an in store tech and he can look at it for you and remove any infection you've got there.
D: What if I buy THIS would it work? (ummm were you paying attention just now???)
Me: It might, I'm not going to say yes for sure.
D: Well can't you?
Me: No. The best, easiest and most reliable way is to bring it in and our tech will remove the infenction.
D: Well what would he use?
Me: He's probably going to go online, find how to fix it and then do it.
D: Well couldn't I do that?
Me: You certainly can. But I do recommend having someone take a look at it, not necessarily us, but at least another tech.

And around we went another few times him trying to get more info on how to clean the specific infection...Ummm I don't F'in know. I told you this already. Have someone who knows what their doing look at it.

I am THROUGH with offering free tech support on the phone. Bring the DAMN machine in or GFU. I've got other people to help and your dumb @## is not my worry.

I hate people who try to get us to solve their problems over the phone. WE'RE A STORE. The only reason we know our ass from our elbow around computers is cos we have a bit of COMMON SENSE. I HATE CUSTOMERS!!!!

[Moirae]

I don't get why people figure that just because they have an antivirus program and adaware, the programs will get rid of anything thrown at them. Well no they won't because new things are invented every day and the programs can only keep up with them so quickly.

Bloody stupid people.

[cpux]

"Hi, can you help me with this computer problem? I have this anti-malware tool you don't support or even sell in your store, and I'm too stupid to use it properly. Could you wave your magic wand and fix it over the phone so it'll make all the bad things go away?"

Yeah, that's what I pretty much got out of it. Sometimes I wonder how some of these people manage to turn their computers on.

[technical.angel]

On campus, students have to go through a program that verifies they have all the necessary Window Updates, and current antivirus definitions. Somehow, most of the students believe that this program will magically keep their computers clean and happy, and spy and adware will bother them no more.

HA!

The commandment came down from on high that I am not allowed to clean student computers anymore. I'm of two minds of this. It's great to be able to tell the kiddies NO, but when I'm bored, a nice malware removal entertains me.

Jenni

[lordlundar]

I'm of two minds of this. It's great to be able to tell the kiddies NO, but when I'm bored, a nice malware removal entertains me.

Jenni

Until they take it back, do the same thing to it again, then blame you.

(have seen this WAY too much with our techs)

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Even more proof that there should be a minimum IQ requirement to buy a computer.

I bet that schumck must've been looking at porn or something to get his computer screwed up.

[Mr. Rude]

Until they take it back, do the same thing to it again, then blame you.

(have seen this WAY too much with our techs)

Gahhh!! *runs around as if on fire*

Me too

[Comp_geek]

I bet that schumck must've been looking at porn or something to get his computer screwed up.

I wish we could just ask them "What were you doing before it was infected?"
SC: "Nothing I just turned it on and that's how it was"

YEAH....and I'm the easter bunny.

on the porn note, I was hanging around in the tech room one day after my shift was done and our tech, "I", calls me over to show me something. He was doing a transfer of files from an old comp to another and the guy must have had like 25 gigs of porn on the old comp. Deeeeesgusting!

[LostMyMind]

He was doing a transfer of files from an old comp to another and the guy must have had like 25 gigs of porn on the old comp. Deeeeesgusting!

Wow, a underachiever. I've had co-workers that were proud of the fact they had 60+ gigs of porn.

[Comp_geek]

Wow, a underachiever. I've had co-workers that were proud of the fact they had 60+ gigs of porn.

Sorry I didn't mean my coworker, the customer he was doing the transfers for had that much. It was really weird stuff too.

[LostMyMind]

I understood that, I just said it was my co-worker because that is the only person I've met that would boost about having that much porn.

[Dips]

This was the bit that caught my attention:

Me: It should but sometimes it can't. *cue in store tech talk up* We do have an in store tech and he can look at it for you and remove any infection you've got there.
D: What if I buy THIS would it work? (ummm were you paying attention just now???)
Me: It might, I'm not going to say yes for sure.
D: Well can't you?
Me: No. The best, easiest and most reliable way is to bring it in and our tech will remove the infenction.
D: Well what would he use?
Me: He's probably going to go online, find how to fix it and then do it.
D: Well couldn't I do that?
Me: You certainly can. But I do recommend having someone take a look at it, not necessarily us, but at least another tech.

This is a common tactic taken by extremely cheap customers who need something fixed, but don't know how to fix it. It has been used on auto mechanics, home improvement contracters, seamstresses, lawyers, not-doctors,* etc. Computer techs are just the newest victims.

The customer, under the guise of "asking for advice," is trying to get you to provide him with a list of parts he needs and instructions for doing the job himself. All for free, of course.

If you refuse, you "aren't being helpful." If you suggest he hire you or another expert, you are "trying to take advantage" of his ignorance.

If you give in and your free advice turns out to be wrong, he can dodge blame because he did what you told him to do.

This kind of customer is a pest and needs to go away. The best way to do it is exactly what Comp_geek did, just keep telling them they need to pay for for you or someone else to look at it. They'll eventually give up and leave once they realize you are onto them.

[*By not-doctors I mean folks who work or study in the medical field, but aren't doctors: Pharmacists, nurses, pre-med students, medical office staff, etc. Folks who don't want to pay a real doctor will pester not-doctors for free medical advice. Of course, the only "correct" advice was "see a doctor."]

[phillippbo]

I get this every, single day with spyware, adware, viruses, etc. That's why I love the fact that issues like this are "unsupported".

Me: "I'm sorry sir/ma'am, but I am not allowed to assist you with this. I would suggest looking in the yellow pages under 'PC Repair' for someone who could help with it, or you might want to contact <a-virus vendor> for further assistance."

That rarely works the first time, though, and I have to keep repeating it until they hang up because I'm "not being helpful" like Dips pointed out, or threaten to cancel their services. It's the rare customer that will actually go through with a disconnect when I explain: "I'm sorry to hear that, but this particular issue will not go away because you go with a different ISP, nor will any ISP actually help you remove a virus/adware/etc. But, if you are intent on disconnecting, I can do that for you right now, and your services will drop out immediately."

They start backpedalling worse than a politician on the day after an election when I say that...

[Comp_geek]

I would love to be able to say it's unsupported. I think my new policy will be if you've got A/V, A/S and A/A software and it doesn't work (read: you don't know how to make use of it) then I'm just going to be repeating:
"I suggest you have someone look at it. I suggest you have someone look at it. I suggest you have someone look at it. I suggest you have someone look at it."

[BlaqueKatt]

My sister killed my old pc downloading virii with her e-mail-I was ticked(I had left it for my mom to use), she claimed she didn't know how it happened, she just turned it on and it wouldn't boot up... um sure. Then she tried telling me her OS1(yes one that is not a typo), running Mac was sooo superior to my old P3 PC-"because Macs don't get viruses". Um they can, and if you didn't download every stupid e-mail(including spahm) the PC wouldn't either!!!!

BlaqueKatt-who has had her windows based computer tested for security, and all you can do is ping it-nothing else-the beauty of having a Network Systems and Security student for a husband*

*My 4 room apt has a wireless network, a wired network, my desktop is acting as a server for said networks due to the firewall from heck....