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It’s NOT a virus, dammit!

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  • It’s NOT a virus, dammit!

    I provide IT support for a wide variety of clientele.

    One of the most common complaints I hear is: “I think my phone/tablet/laptop has a virus on it.”

    Sadly, many people who use technology regularly don’t really grasp how a virus actually works. I’d say 99 percent of the time these reports are not actual viruses but one of more of the following:

    1) Malware or crapware that jacks your system up and grinds it to a halt.

    2) A scammy ad that LOOKS like a virus alert but is really just trying to get you to download a shitty app or program that can sometimes be a trojan horse.

    3) Bullshit apps and programs that claim to be Antivirus or “cleaner” or “booster” apps that do way more harm than good.

    The really aggravating part is a lot of the time when I explain this to clients they refuse to believe me and insist their device actually does have a virus.

    No, you freaking idiots, it doesn’t. I’m the IT guy for a reason. I know how this stuff works so how about you shut the hell up and just let me get this fixed for you. Deal?
    "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

  • #2
    Curious question, does Du Battery Saver harm your phone?

    Comment


    • #3
      IT'S NOT A TUMAH!!
      PWNADE(TM) - Serve up a glass today! | PWNZER - An act of pwnage so awesome, it's like the victim got hit by a tank.

      There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because I choose to walk!

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      • #4
        Malware isn't a virus? (I really don't know the difference.) Yeah, people like me should listen to you or at least just leave you alone so you can work. There's a reason I don't do tech support. Clueless over here...
        "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

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        • #5
          Virus claim

          The worst Virus claim I had, the customer's computer stop printing and suddenly they became incapable of reading the dialog that pop up on their screen, Instead, they just hit return which made it go away.

          So they called us claiming there must be a virus since it was working fine yesterday.

          Had to go out on a service call because they refused to read the message on the screen.

          Problem turned out to be a paper jam error caused by a small piece of paper in the exit sensor just before the output tray. Even switching the paper output to the secondary tray would had got them working.

          And there never was a virus!

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          • #6
            Ah wuz trampin threw the wudz en ah'm all swole up n itchy. Gimme some of thet Tamiflu!
            I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
            Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
            Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth Food Lady View Post
              Malware isn't a virus? (I really don't know the difference.) Yeah, people like me should listen to you or at least just leave you alone so you can work. There's a reason I don't do tech support. Clueless over here...
              While I'm not a really big tech guy, my understanding is that a virus is a TYPE of Malware, with specific behaviors.

              But it's become a catch-all term for any time someone's computer isn't doing what they think it should.

              Comment


              • #8
                ^ I guess that makes sense. I am in general grateful for tech people.
                "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

                Comment


                • #9
                  My wife's default is "We've been hacked!" She works for McAffee for a couple of years (in a non-technical capacity) and all of a sudden anything that her computer does that she doesn't understand is instant proof that it has been hacked.

                  After three laptops, she finally bought a Mac. Now the problem is always the OS's fault. Especially the problems caused by her getting the small screen and then expanding the default text size so it is easier for her to read. (Makes some of the dialogs extend past the screen.) But at least she doesn't think it has been hacked 6 times per day...
                  “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged.
                  One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world.
                  The other, of course, involves orcs." -- John Rogers

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth Kittykat View Post
                    Curious question, does Du Battery Saver harm your phone?
                    A quick search online shows (sponsored) articles demonstrating a tiny improvement in battery life on Androids, mostly extrapolated from meagre datapoints. I also saw a link to a version on the App Store; purely due to how iOS sandboxes everything and prevents apps from intercommunication I would expect no benefit at all in that situation. No report of harm though.
                    This was one of those times where my mouth says "have a nice day" but my brain says "go step on a Lego". - RegisterAce
                    I can't make something magically appear to fulfill all your hopes and dreams. Believe me, if I could I'd be the first person I'd help. - Trixie

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                    • #11
                      Quoth Nunavut Pants View Post
                      My wife's default is "We've been hacked!" She works for McAffee for a couple of years (in a non-technical capacity) and all of a sudden anything that her computer does that she doesn't understand is instant proof that it has been hacked.

                      After three laptops, she finally bought a Mac. Now the problem is always the OS's fault. Especially the problems caused by her getting the small screen and then expanding the default text size so it is easier for her to read. (Makes some of the dialogs extend past the screen.) But at least she doesn't think it has been hacked 6 times per day...
                      If you really want to mess with her, let her know that Macs can still be susceptible to malware

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth Sulhythal View Post
                        While I'm not a really big tech guy, my understanding is that a virus is a TYPE of Malware, with specific behaviors.

                        But it's become a catch-all term for any time someone's computer isn't doing what they think it should.
                        Correct, a virus is considered a type of Malware.. The reason it's call a 'virus' is because they have the ability to replicate itself and 'infect' other systems, either by a network, or through sharing of disks, thumbdrives.. etc..
                        Just sliding down the razor blade of life.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth drunkenwildmage View Post
                          ... or through sharing of disks, thumbdrives, networks, etc..
                          Keep your floppy in a baggie at all times!
                          I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                          Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                          Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            A while back, my mother thought that emails that had been forwarded two or more times (with a subject line like "Fwd: fwd: Important News") were vectors for viruses. I explained to her that while such messages were generally not worth opening, it had nothing to do with any "virus" or other malware.

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                            • #15
                              Quoth LadyofArc View Post
                              If you really want to mess with her, let her know that Macs can still be susceptible to malware
                              I already know that, but no way in h**l am I going to point it out to her!!!!
                              “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged.
                              One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world.
                              The other, of course, involves orcs." -- John Rogers

                              Comment

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