Naked - huh?!

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

The SCs continue to come out of the woodwork to torture me with their "flawless" logic and "perfect" understanding of what it is I do...

I don't like this phone, therefore you shall refund me

Now on the surface hey, this seems like a reasonable request. You don't like a phone you got? No problem, go and get your money back or exchange it for something you do like.

Of course when you've had the phone for SIX MONTHS this isn't really a viable option, but that didn't stop our would be hero.

Oh no, you see she decided that since she no longer liked the phone she got on our SHARP installment plan half a year ago we should either A) Let her get a new one at no charge or B) Just cancel the installment plan and let her go on her merry way.

Why sure Mrs. SC! My company doesn't care about money at all, let me just go ahead and waive the $772 you still owe on that phone because you don't like it anymore...NOT!!

Seriously, can you imagine me calling my mortgage provider and saying: "I've decided I no longer like this house so I think you should waive my outstanding loan balance so I can go get another one. I'm pretty sure they'd laugh at me through the phone...which is what I VERY nearly did to this woman.

But anywho, Cue Mrs. SC throwing the usual FCC/BBB/I'm gonna sue your ass tantrum I hear about fifteen times a day...

Yeah, good luck that with that sweetheart. Your installments payments are going NOWHERE and if you decide of your own avail to stop paying, no problem. I'm sure your credit report be thrilled to hear it.

Fatal Exposure

One of the things we do is troubleshoot phones. We have a tool that shows us a view of the customers screen on our monitor to make it easier to verify and fix the problem.

Now it should come as no surprise that we get to see some...interesting things on the phones we troubleshoot. We don't have access to the photos app but we can see wallpapers, browsing history, picture messages and so forth. Awhile back I had a guy whose wallpaper was a professionally done photo of a naked woman.
OK, not that I would ever personally choose to have something like that as my wallpaper but being a red blooded male myself, I get it.

This guy though....oh lord.

I shouldn't even been on this call but initially the guy refused to troubleshoot the problem and just wanted us to send him another phone. Unfortunately for him this isn't 'Nam, we have rules around here.

Well he continued to be douchey about it and demand a manager. Enter me.

So I finally get him to agree to troubleshoot and get connected to his phone. His wallpaper is a naked photo...of himself! How do I know this? He told me. At one point he went into his picture messages and apparently this guy is some kind of sexting freak. Just photo after photo after photo of him in all his glory and let me tell you, this individual is NOT what I'd call attractive in ANY sense of the word.

Not wanting to put up with the peep show any longer, I suffered a convenient "system glitch" and closed the remote connection. Fortunately I was able to get him fixed without needing it anymore.

He was almost cordial at the end to the point where I didn't think him as an SC anymore...then he demanded a credit because the first rep was "unhelpful".

Uhhh no, dumbass YOU were the unhelpful one because YOU wouldn't let her even TRY to fix your phone. No credit for you!

This AGAIN?!?!

I can't get over these people who think that there should be absolutely NO need for a security policy of any kind.

A guy called to activate a line on his account. No problem!
He can't verify the account. Problem.

And we go through all the usual stuff:

1) No, a social isn't good enough
2) No, the address isn't good enough
3) No, my manager can't do it.
4) No, HIS manager can't do it
5) No, I will not let you speak to the CEO

Then he drops a bomb on me. He says that he went to a <red checkmark> store earlier today and why don't I just call the store, have them verify he was in there and that way I'll be able to let him access the account.

Oh sorry, champ. Two problems:

1) I highly doubt the store will remember you, unless you were memorable for all the WRONG reasons
2) Even if they did, there is still nothing I can do for you.

Cue the raging, cue the screaming. Oh you want to cancel? Sorry, you need to verify to do that too.

He finally clued in that he wasn't going to get anywhere and hung up. The sad thing is the code he was giving me was only one number off from the real one. For example if he gave me 2676 and the real code was 2376.

I know that sucks and per policy I can't give him hints or tell him he's close but if you forget your password that's not our problem.

Mission Impossible VI: Douche Protocol

Me: My name is CC, I'm a manager here at <red checkmark>, what can I do for you?
SC: Look jerk (wow, I've got a winner here!). I'm sick and tired or your stores, your company and your employees.
Me: I apologize for that but--
SC: Shut up! I need you to help me and I need you to help me NOW!. She has a Galaxy S6. The phone will power on but the screen won't. Now I was told by someone in your store that even though the screen is out you guys could connect to it and back up her contacts and photos. That's all I want done. She needs her contacts and photos.
Me: We do have the ability to connect to a phone, but the connection can't be completed without interacting with the screen. Does she have the contacts or photos saved to any cloud services?
SC: What the hell is a cloud service?!
Me: Things like Google Drive, Drop Box, Google Photos, that kind of thing.
SC: No, she doesn't have any of those.
Me: Hmm, then I'm afraid the only way to recover the data would be to connect to it a computer and transfer it that way.
SC: I don't have a computer, just a tablet.
Me: Then I'm sorry to say I don't think there's any way to back up the information.
SC: Unacceptable! We will find a way to do this, I'll stay on this phone all night if I have to!
Me: It's not a question of determination sir. What you are asking is just not technologically possible. Unless you find a computer to connect to you won't be able to save the data.
SC: But the store said you could do it!
Me: And they gave you some incorrect information. I will definitely follow up with them on that but that still won't resolve your issue.
SC: So what do we do?
Me: There's nothing we can do.
SC: UNACCEPTABLE! DO SOMETHING!
Me: I can't.
SC: DO IT!
Me: I can't sir.
SC: DO IT!
Me: I'm only going to say this one more time, I CANNOT do what you are asking me to do. No way. No how. Can't be done. Not by me, not by anyone else here.
SC: Fine! You just LOST some customers, we're going to Death Star Wireless!*click*

The funny thing is that if he does go to Death Star, he'll be on the hook for oh, about $2300 in installment plan fees.


Greater Expectations

I think I may have met the queen of entitlement whores this past weekend. She demanded to speak to me because my rep wouldn't cave to her demands.

This woman lives in a rural, hilly area of Virginia and - shock of shocks - her service isn't great. Well, yeah that tends to happen when you're way the hell out in the boondocks. She's about five miles from the closest tower.

We've run two technical tickets for her before but they've come back to basically say: Network fine, rural area, natural obstructions and signal challenges.

So the reality is here that because Mrs. SC lives a considerable distance from much of civilization, she's going to have issues with her services out there, especially indoors.

But, oh this is not acceptable. She tells me this will be fixed and it will be fixed NOW.

She wants:

1) A free upgrade
2) A free lifeproof case for said upgrade
3) A years worth of bill credits

And I saved the best for last:

4) A cell tower built within a mile of her home...wait for it...by the end of NEXT WEEK!

I admit I nearly fell out of my chair when she said that. For those who may not know, putting up a tower is not exactly a quick and easy process. First we have to survey the land, then we have to get a signed agreement with the land owner to use and pay for the land (which involves lawyers), then we have to allot budget to build the tower (which can run anywhere from $300 000 to more than a $1 million). Then we have to build the tower, then we have to integrate it into the network and test it.

Bottom line: Emergency situations aside, making this happen in less than a few MONTHS is a nothing short of a miracle. Even in emergencies, we usually just roll out temp towers to the affected area until things calm down.

So I (nicely) tell her that she won't be getting any of that. I can offer a $75 credit and that's it.

Then she demands again I put a tower in her backyard by next Friday or she'll go to Short Run Wireless.

I tell her straight up there's pretty much no chance of another tower going up in her area for at least a year. She hangs up.

The funniest part of this whole thing? Right after she hung up, I checked the Short Run coverage maps and they don't even have service where she lives. Neither does D-Mobile. Death Star Wireless does it but it looks as soft as ours if not even more so.

[Tee]

Assuming that I haven't had a critical logic glitch in decoding company names.

I've had a few problems with the system and computers at red checkmark, but they've always been fixed, and the representatives have always tried to help, not up-sale me, not try to shove me places, but help me. I recently had a representative tell me alternative ways to get cheap new phones, and another point out that I had an extra service tacked onto my payments, that I've never needed, and offer to remove it to save me a hundred or so bucks a year.

You guys are awesome, and those of us who aren't complete asshats appreciate it.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

OMFG!!!!

You hit the jackpot of losers today, didn't you? Not sure which one came in First Place there.

As far as the Naked Guy . . . why is it always the ones you DON'T want to see nekkid doing this crap? Seriously, that sexting stuff is for 15 year olds, not grown folks.

And Ms Greater Expectations . . . I think she's in an area where no matter what service provider you have, the service is going to be spotty. Have an ex who lives in the boonies and he's tried Short Run and Death Star . . . neither one works within a half mile in either direction of his property. Only service that works is Red Checkmark (and I know this b/c I've been to his home some time back and my Death Star service barely worked . . . only time I had a single bar was when I was sitting on the roof of the house while he was trying to figure out how to re-attach two pieces of tin roofing that had come loose, but I digress.)

Point is that in my experience, if Red Checkmark's signal isn't going to work well enough, not even Death Star (which IMHO runs a close 2nd in terms of coverage quality) or Short Run doesn't have a chance.

And as far as getting a tower up: that's a long process from what I've heard. And property owners make quite a bit from leasing their land for these towers, as I've heard from my youngest sister - her grandad (ie, stepmom's dad) has an agreement w/one of the wireless companies for a tower on his property, as well as a couple of towers for Big Electric company.

Too bad you couldn't tell her to crap in one hand, want in the other and see which one gets filled first.

[TheSHAD0W]

This woman lives in a rural, hilly area of Virginia and - shock of shocks - her service isn't great. Well, yeah that tends to happen when you're way the hell out in the boondocks. She's about five miles from the closest tower.

Doesn't Red Checkmark wireless have picocells for people with this problem? So long as you can get wired internet, you can get a "wireless network extender" that'll let you route your phone calls over the net.

[Mr Hero]

Doesn't Red Checkmark wireless have picocells for people with this problem? So long as you can get wired internet, you can get a "wireless network extender" that'll let you route your phone calls over the net.

My phone provider does that. As I understand, it does require upgrading the SIM card, but I was able to get that done for free at my nearest provider store.

Got it done before I went to visit my then gf as I knew her place doesn't get phone service, but they do have wifi.

[TheSHAD0W]

Got it done before I went to visit my then gf as I knew her place doesn't get phone service, but they do have wifi.

That's wifi, and yeah, some phones/providers do that, but Red Checkmark (IIRC) has a device that costs a couple hundred dollars that acts as a mini cellular tower.

[otakuneko]

Greater Expectations

Does Red Checkmark not have personal cell spots (Microcells, femtocells, etc.)? T-Mo gave me one just for asking.

Granted, at 5 miles from the tower, even that would probably be... dodgy at best.

And if she has internet of any kind--and satellite is available anywhere, mind--wifi calling, anyone?

Mission Impossible VI: Douche Protocol

The store could've connected the phone to one of their computers, but he was probably a jerk to them too.

Also if it's Android chances are Google has his contacts anyway...

[Shyla]

Once we took a family vacation in West Virginia. Beautiful place but my sister totally freaked out because she couldn't get a decent signal on her phone to check on her work. All those wireless maps seem to have bad coverage there. We couldn't even use satellite radio all the time in the car. Rural lady seems stupid.

[raudf]

Also if it's Android chances are Google has his contacts anyway...

That's assuming that the idiot remembers the password and such. That's a whole slog of calls, when the person "didn't set the phone up and doesn't know the password." Those are a whole new level of amazing. And not the good kind.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

Doesn't Red Checkmark wireless have picocells for people with this problem? So long as you can get wired internet, you can get a "wireless network extender" that'll let you route your phone calls over the net.

We do but unfortunately EW lady lives in an area so rural she can't get wired internet, only satellite.

[earl colby pottinger]

Funny to me

What I find funny about the rural woman is that until I sold it this year I used to boast about the fact that my cabin up north COULD NOT be reached by cell phone.

To me that had two benefits:

1) People who thought work was more important than enjoying life while on vacation refused to come, so the few people who did go with me were people who really enjoyed being up north.

2) While I had a job, when I was on vacation there was no way for work to call me in the middle of one just because some customer was freaking out.


For those people who are asking about what if something really important came up, well when the guy across the lake from had a dying grandfather, the local RCMP canoed (yes they needed a canoe) to tell him he was needed at home.

Really, if it is not important enough to get the local police involve, then it probably was not that important.

[wolfie]

Fortunately I was able to get him fixed

Please tell me this is in the same sense of the word as getting a dog fixed.

This woman lives in a rural, hilly area of Virginia and - shock of shocks - her service isn't great. Well, yeah that tends to happen when you're way the hell out in the boondocks. She's about five miles from the closest tower.

Then she demands again I put a tower in her backyard by next Friday or she'll go to Short Run Wireless.

The funniest part of this whole thing? Right after she hung up, I checked the Short Run coverage maps and they don't even have service where she lives. Neither does D-Mobile. Death Star Wireless does it but it looks as soft as ours if not even more so.

She needs to go with Osmium. They'll have coverage where she lives, but she WON'T like the cost of the service.

Once we took a family vacation in West Virginia. Beautiful place but my sister totally freaked out because she couldn't get a decent signal on her phone to check on her work. All those wireless maps seem to have bad coverage there.

Was this near Green Bank, by any chance? There's a big radio telescope in the area, and to avoid interference with it the FCC has declared the area a wireless-free zone. NO radio transmitters are allowed in the area.

[Gilhelmi]

Really, if it is not important enough to get the local police involve, then it probably was not that important.

Amen. Reminds me of one Annul Training (US Army Reserves) where we had a Red Cross Message come in. Red Cross Messages were only used if someone was dead, dying, or greatly needed to come home 'now'.

This was in a Transportation (truck) Company, and none of the soldier in that unit were allowed to use cellphones while near the vehicle. NO EXCEPTIONS (they were hauling munitions. cellphone+explosives=B.A.D.)

Yea, I felt like the "Angle of Death" driving the Chaplain in the Sargent Majors car to pick up the soldier when the convoy arrived. (very nice rental car, rank has privileges)

[Argabarga]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand another person who thinks that customer service means doing things that, can't be done.