On Bulls---ing Customers

[BookstoreEscapee]

Or pretended to look for something in "the back" which you know isn't there, just to make an SC happy?

Absolutely. They don't know that I just went back there and said hi to the receiving guys and bitched about the customer. If the computer says 1 and it's not on the shelf I would usually check the back, unless it was something I had already checked for earlier. Then I would just tell them the truth...someone else was looking for it and it wasn't there.

The other thing I would do was "exaggerate" delivery times. Most of the time the computer says 2-3 business days (sometimes 3-5). I would generally go vague and just say "within the week" (especially if it was almost the weekend) or "in a few days" (if it was Monday or Tuesday) because no one hears the words "business days."

Other things I wouldn't lie about. There's really no point most of the time.

I have to wonder about the wisdom of bullying someone to whom you are about to hand your car keys for the next few (or several) hours...

[ArenaBoy]

I have to wonder about the wisdom of bullying someone to whom you are about to hand your car keys for the next few (or several) hours...

Hmm, well I just escaped parking but if I wanted to I could've sent people to the boonies in the parking lot if they were harassing me. Boonies = Long long walk to the arena, even better if it's a typical Michigan winter.

[powerboy]

I used to go in the back to look for things. Now I still do too. When I was working at OfficeMax, I had a customer follow me back into the back room, as I was just about to look up on the computer to see if we did have some in back or not. He told me to stop checking my email. Told his sorry ass, that he cannot be back there, and he threw a fit over it. Not my fault if it is employees only. When I found what he wanted, I grabbed an application for him also. He asked what that was for, and I told him since he wanted to go into the back so much, that he should fill it out.

[Dips]

I realized I hadn't yet answered my own questions...

I get a lot of pressure from pharma companies in the EU. Due to new laws they've been contacting us to find out if our software will help them comply.

The short answer is that it will, BUT the output still has to be proofed by a human expert to be sure it is 100% accurate. There's really no getting around that any more than using Word's spelling and grammar checker will guarantee that your final draft won't need to be proofread.

They don't want to hear that. They are looking for a guaranteed, effort-free solution which doesn't exist.

And I won't give it to them. I NEVER lie about the capabilities of our product and I ESPECIALLY am not going to lie to people using it in pharmaceutical packaging and documentation.

But do I lie in other areas? Yes.

When something isn't the SC's business...

My boss is in the bathroom. I'm not going to tell you that if you refuse to take "he's away from his desk" as an answer and insist I go looking for him? I'll pretend to look and then tell you that it seems he's just left the office for the day and you won't be able to get ahold of him until tomorrow.

When I don't want to embarass a customer...

That suggestion for a improving our product is one of the stupidest things I've heard in weeks. I could explain why it won't ever be done, but it's far better for all of us if I just thank you for the suggestion and tell you we'll consider it.

When the caller lies to me first...

No. You do not go way back with my boss. No. He is not expecting your call. No. Eugene did not tell you that we would give you (and only you) tech support without verifying your serial number. No. Mark did not promise you a discount. I'll pretend I'm scared of being fired for breaking policy and refuse to honor your wishes. Sure. I'll be all apologetic and stuff, but you won't get past me, you won't get support without a serial number and you won't get that discount.

[Polenicus]

Heh... back when I was working my first job out of high school, I used to work in a Lotto booth. People would always ask me for a winner, or ask me to somehow give them an edge, or for 'insider info' or whatnot.

My answer was always the same: "Listen, BC Lotto allows its employees to buy tickets. If I had the ability to pick a winner, or had some insider info, do you think I'd still be working here? Trust me, my luck is crap, you'll have a better chance picking your own.

That way they wouldn't get mad and complain to my manager when I picked them a loser. (Yes, they would do this. Most of my customers were crotchety old people with nothing better to do than play lotto and complain)

[Dips]

Heh. I'm not at all surprised that people with lottery customers are getting the same thing as Steve did. The truth is that for everyone except a very few lucky individuals, the only way to ensure you "win" at gambling is not to play.

I have to wonder how receptive to that truth these "pick me a winner" fools would be?

I'd bet not at all, but I don't think I'd win anything because nobody would take that bet.

[Khana]

We have to lie to customers all the time: some of it required by the company, some of it required by the customers.

I'm a customer service rep, and though I despise lying, sometimes you have to.

According to the company, for instance, we're never allowed to admit there's a problem or a glitch on our side. I told a caller the truth once, "This is some system bug they're working out, I know it's a pain, but it's not that difficult to get around at all, don't worry I'll handle it all myself, but it's just taking longer than usual." My supervisor railed on that and was supremely pissed at me. I admitted my company wasn't perfect! Wow! The callers could have told you that. Anyways, they say we can't admit the system crashed, or there's some flaw or problem on our side, nothing like that.

On the personal side, sometimes I just agree with the customers, even though it's false.

For instance, per federal law, if you have Any state or federal medical OR prescription coverage, you're not eligible for certain programs. Like our discount cards.

That includes Medicare, which means no old people or disabled people. That includes Medicaid, so lots of really poor people are disqualified. That includes state or federal employee benefits, so that includes teachers. That includes the VA, which means our armed forces aren't eligible. Basically, middle-class, young-middle aged, normal-job people are eligible.

So, when I get a medicare patient and tell him/her this, they often respond, "Oh, so only really poor/underpriviledged people can get your cards?" Me, I just say, "Yes." That's not true, but it makes them feel better about not getting the card, because they have some money and can afford Medicare and it's supplements, they can't get "poor people stuff."

It's definitely a lie to admit this to customers, but to try to tell them the truth pisses them the hell off. It'll go from quietly and somewhat sadly getting off the phone thinking that this is a some-lesser-group benefit to yelling at me with things like "You're discriminating against old people! You're just trying to kill us off!" and things like that.

So with that, and certain similar issues, yeah I'll lie to customers. Really, what else can be done?

[cinema guy]

Cinema customers often ask if I've seen a particular film. I usually say I have and tel them it's 'pretty good', or 'very funny', just so as I don't discourage them.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I never really lied to customers, mainly because I have a very thick skin and don't care if they get pissed off.

Believe me, telling the truth at Kinko's works out much better in the long run. I have no real problem with lying to them as a moral issue so they'll shut up and go away and let you work. My problem with it stems from the fact that at least at Kinko's, the truth has a way of coming back like a badly disposed of body and biting the liar in the butt.

I mean, I can tell you your order will only take 15 minutes, but if it's a lie, you're going to be really mad when it takes 45. On the other hand, if you get mad when I truthfully say "it will take an hour", you'll be thrilled when I call you at 45 minutes to tell you it's done. So instead of leaving mad, you leave happy. I'm all for customers leaving happy.

However, I have no problem with people who do lie to them in cases like the OP told about.

[Khana]

Eh, I only lie to patients when it's mandated (Of course our system never "crashes"!). As far as when it's not mandated, I never actually tell them the wrong info, but if after hearing the right info, they have a self-fulfilling delusion, like the cards are only good for poor people, then I just agree and let it be over with.

[Shabo]

Heh, I would make up some really stupid, obvious "insider tip" like, "You want to pick the fastest horse." or "You want to pick the horse that's going to win, and it's going to be one of the horses in each race." The best part about this is they would never be able to complain to your manager that they were trying to get you to give them inside tips! Oh, and I wouldn't take their bribes. That might get you into trouble.

I mean, come on! There is absolutely no way you could ever stage or fix a race, even if you drugged all the horses but one. There's still always the chance that the one un-doped horse could have a freak accident and not even cross the finish line! What is with these people?

[Andara Bledin]

If I worked a place that did Lotto or lottery tickets, and someone asked me about how to win, I'd tell them to put the money in a savings account. That's a guaranteed winner right there. You never lose and over time, you end up with more than you started with.

I've been known to tell people that I am paging someone when I'm not becuase the someone happens to be in the same room and completely uninterested in actually taking the call. Then I just tell them the person isn't picking up (the truth) and offer to take a message, transfer them to voicemail, or have them send a fax or email.

^-.-^

[BookstoreEscapee]

Has it occurred to anyone else that it's somewhat ironic to ask for "insider" tips from the parking guy, who by definition of his job, works outside the place...?

[ArenaBoy]

It's somewhat ironic to ask for "insider" tips from the parking guy, who by definition of his job, works outside the place...?

I snickered quite a bit as I know how that OP felt. Granted I never worked a gambling show (Never had one) people would take out their anger at me for the basketball team losing. I also found it funny when people would say "Box office said we can do this" and all that. I also like being yelled at for whenever the game time changed due to TV broadcasting.

Side story: A few years ago, we had a NCAA hockey tournament at Whiskeyclone. Due to the wonderful stupidity that is box office they accidentally double-printed tickets for this tournament. This meant a lot of problems and angry customers and no employee who had a nametag on was safe. My mom decided to take hers off just so she can avoid the whole chaos.

[Starlord]

What do we want?
Bullshit!
When do we want it?
Now!
What do we want?
Bullshit!
When do we want it?
Now!