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Ugh, accursed Vancouver weather. It was nice and mild last night so I checked the forcast for today: Partially clouding with chance of showers later in the day. So I figured yay, I can wear my shorts and sandals to work since its nice and mild out. Then I'll be home before it spits rain anyway.
So I get off work this morning and guess what! Its a monsoon outside downtown. Its literally like standing under a shower faucet and here I am in my shorts and sandals. People are looking at me like I'm insane ( More so then usual. ). I'm just pretending nothing's amiss... ;p
Stuff I've Had Randomly Yelled At Me in the Last 12 Hours
"HEY CUTIE!~" (......)
"Dude, nice haircut! Can I have some change?" (......no.....)
"(in reference to my attire in the monsoon)...<snort>...ahahahhaha" (Die in a fire.)
Achievement
SC: "My friend's car is stuck in the parking lot at blah blah. The gate was locked and his car is still in there."
Me: "Ok-"
SC: "The sign says the gate is locked at 6pm, but it was still open at 9pm when they got there. So they parked there and now its locked."
Wait…the sign says its suppose to be locked. It wasn't locked when you got there. So you figured you'd park there anyway even though you knew it was suppose to be locked. Now you're surprised its locked when you came back? I need to start keeping gold star stickers at my desk here so I can award you ditch monkeys appropriately when you pull off fantastical feats of critical thinking like this. Gold star!
Exploits
Me: "Good morning, <company>."
SC: "Oh, hi. Let me get my wife to talk to you about last night."
….um….I don't think I want to hear what she's about to elaborate on….though I'm curious as to why you feel that I ( or indeed anyone ) need to know of such things. Do you often call random companies at 4am to share your…..exploits? Are you just going through the phone book calling them up? Am I nothing but another notch in your Yellow Pages?! I thought you loved me! <sob>
Achievement....
Me: "Good morning, <blatantly a roofing company>. Are you calling about our roofing systems?"
SC: "Hi, I locked my keys in my car."
Intriguing. How did you come to the conclusion that this has anything to do with me? Did you wish me to roof your car? Are roofing tiles particularly well known for their ability to jimmy a Honda Civic? That was sufficiently idiotic on your part. So you know what that means, right? Gold star!
867
Me: "and what would you like to order?"
SC: "xxxx-xx"
Me: "I'm afraid that item is completely out of stock."
SC: "You guys are out?"
Me: "Yes."
SC: "What about black then?"
Me: "That's out of stock. I don't have any of that item in any size or colour."
SC: "But it says both colours."
Me: "Yes, both are out of stock."
SC: "It's suppose to be both colours!"
I'm knocking on the front door of your skull. Let me in. Its cold out here and there are wolves.
Purpose
SC: "Yeah, can I order?"
Me: "I'll have to give you another number to place an order at."
SC: "Oh, ok. What's this then?"
Me: "This is the corporate line, not the order line."
SC: "What's that?"
Me: "…..this is the main office's corporate line."
SC: "What do you do then?"
Suffer the fools of humanity. You?
867
( Name's changed. )
Me: "and your last name?"
SC: "Riteder."
Me: "Can you spell that, please?"
SC: "Riteder."
Me: "Yes, but can you spell it for me?"
SC: "Riteder."
Me: Yes, but can you spell it?
You can't, can you? It’s a miracle you even managed to dial the phone, isn't it? How long did you spend randomly prodding the key pad with your cheddar encrusted monkey paws before you managed to get to me? Oh well, on the upside if you were just randomly dialing around Nunavut trying to reach us there was a 50/50 chance of being related to whomever you got instead.
Deja Vu
"Yeah hi, my truck is stuck in your parkade. The sign outside clearly says its open from 9pm to 1am. Well its past 1 now and my truck is stuck."
Yes, he actually said "clearly". The hours were clearly displayed outside on a sign, which he read and understood then proceeded to leave his truck there past 1am anyway. I do not have an explanation for his jaunty skip down the pothole laden dirt road known as Failure. I can only award him the coveted gold star sticker.
Celebration
Me: "and what's your phone number?"
SC: "Oh, geez, I don't know. Hang on…."
Me: "……."
SC: "umm…..hmmmm…….er….."
Me: "……."
SC: "You'd think we'd have it written down."
Yes, you'd think that, wouldn't you? Then I'd congratulate you on having your first coherent thought of the day and we would have a right smashing good time at Chuck E Cheese to celebrate. Tally-ho!
Day Three and Four: Complete.
Days off achieved!
So I get off work this morning and guess what! Its a monsoon outside downtown. Its literally like standing under a shower faucet and here I am in my shorts and sandals. People are looking at me like I'm insane ( More so then usual. ). I'm just pretending nothing's amiss... ;p
Stuff I've Had Randomly Yelled At Me in the Last 12 Hours
"HEY CUTIE!~" (......)
"Dude, nice haircut! Can I have some change?" (......no.....)
"(in reference to my attire in the monsoon)...<snort>...ahahahhaha" (Die in a fire.)
Achievement
SC: "My friend's car is stuck in the parking lot at blah blah. The gate was locked and his car is still in there."
Me: "Ok-"
SC: "The sign says the gate is locked at 6pm, but it was still open at 9pm when they got there. So they parked there and now its locked."
Wait…the sign says its suppose to be locked. It wasn't locked when you got there. So you figured you'd park there anyway even though you knew it was suppose to be locked. Now you're surprised its locked when you came back? I need to start keeping gold star stickers at my desk here so I can award you ditch monkeys appropriately when you pull off fantastical feats of critical thinking like this. Gold star!
Exploits
Me: "Good morning, <company>."
SC: "Oh, hi. Let me get my wife to talk to you about last night."
….um….I don't think I want to hear what she's about to elaborate on….though I'm curious as to why you feel that I ( or indeed anyone ) need to know of such things. Do you often call random companies at 4am to share your…..exploits? Are you just going through the phone book calling them up? Am I nothing but another notch in your Yellow Pages?! I thought you loved me! <sob>
Achievement....
Me: "Good morning, <blatantly a roofing company>. Are you calling about our roofing systems?"
SC: "Hi, I locked my keys in my car."
Intriguing. How did you come to the conclusion that this has anything to do with me? Did you wish me to roof your car? Are roofing tiles particularly well known for their ability to jimmy a Honda Civic? That was sufficiently idiotic on your part. So you know what that means, right? Gold star!
867
Me: "and what would you like to order?"
SC: "xxxx-xx"
Me: "I'm afraid that item is completely out of stock."
SC: "You guys are out?"
Me: "Yes."
SC: "What about black then?"
Me: "That's out of stock. I don't have any of that item in any size or colour."
SC: "But it says both colours."
Me: "Yes, both are out of stock."
SC: "It's suppose to be both colours!"
I'm knocking on the front door of your skull. Let me in. Its cold out here and there are wolves.
Purpose
SC: "Yeah, can I order?"
Me: "I'll have to give you another number to place an order at."
SC: "Oh, ok. What's this then?"
Me: "This is the corporate line, not the order line."
SC: "What's that?"
Me: "…..this is the main office's corporate line."
SC: "What do you do then?"
Suffer the fools of humanity. You?
867
( Name's changed. )
Me: "and your last name?"
SC: "Riteder."
Me: "Can you spell that, please?"
SC: "Riteder."
Me: "Yes, but can you spell it for me?"
SC: "Riteder."
Me: Yes, but can you spell it?
You can't, can you? It’s a miracle you even managed to dial the phone, isn't it? How long did you spend randomly prodding the key pad with your cheddar encrusted monkey paws before you managed to get to me? Oh well, on the upside if you were just randomly dialing around Nunavut trying to reach us there was a 50/50 chance of being related to whomever you got instead.
Deja Vu
"Yeah hi, my truck is stuck in your parkade. The sign outside clearly says its open from 9pm to 1am. Well its past 1 now and my truck is stuck."
Yes, he actually said "clearly". The hours were clearly displayed outside on a sign, which he read and understood then proceeded to leave his truck there past 1am anyway. I do not have an explanation for his jaunty skip down the pothole laden dirt road known as Failure. I can only award him the coveted gold star sticker.
Celebration
Me: "and what's your phone number?"
SC: "Oh, geez, I don't know. Hang on…."
Me: "……."
SC: "umm…..hmmmm…….er….."
Me: "……."
SC: "You'd think we'd have it written down."
Yes, you'd think that, wouldn't you? Then I'd congratulate you on having your first coherent thought of the day and we would have a right smashing good time at Chuck E Cheese to celebrate. Tally-ho!
Day Three and Four: Complete.
Days off achieved!
I AM the evil bastard!
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