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People seem to have this belief that they can't get nabbed for illegal parking if they don't actually park between the lines in a stall within the confines of the parking lot itself. These deluded few firmly and resolutely believe that if the lot in question has a small entrance drive, say about 20 yards worth, between the lot and the road, then leaving a vehicle here in the netherealm between public street and private lot, is NOT parking it.
Rule of thumb: Is anyone in the vehicle right now? no? then you are parked!. The particulars are only academic, you are still parked, be it on street, on the lot, the grass, on the dark side of the Moon, or inside a giant barrel going over Niagra Falls.
Now, never was an issue before, but in the past month there have been three odd occasions where people have done just that at one particular lot that sits well below street level, and accessing it (in a manner that would leave your vehicle able to drive out under it's own power anyway) can only be achieved by means of driving down a short ramp-like exit road. Now, as soon as you turn off the street to use this ramp, there's a sign stuck in the ground that says
Clear enough? Well, sure, if you haven't suffered repeated blunt force cranial trauma lately. Apparently, the people who park here either have, or possibly their minds are being affected by this complex's truly HORRID architecture. I'm serious! This place was probably very modern and sylish when it was built circa 1972, but you and I both know that what passed for "Futuristic" alongside such high tech things as 8 track players and bell bottom pants hasn't really stood the test of time very well. And to think, there was a time when people inexplicably wanted to live in apartments that look like a cross between a McDonalds restaurant and a Federal Penitentiary, with the result of that then slathered in enough stucco to choke a whole wagon team of clydesdales. It's the kind of place that I'd imagine George Orwell thought we'd all get to live in one day, but with fewer telescreens and more moss growing on the improperly-draining roofs. but now I'm once again, getting off track.
Anyway, three separate people pulled into this lot and parked RIGHT NEXT TO THE DARN SIGN in about a 5 day window and didn't see a problem with it until one of our trucks showed up.
Violator 1 - The Visiting Team
-Hey! What the hell are you doing?
-You are illegally parked, you don't have a permit
-But I'm in visitors parking!
-Uh, no you aren't, this lot doesn't have visitor parking
-But I'm just visiting!
-There is no visitor parking in this lot , you must have a permit to park here. If you don't have one, as soon as you pull off the street, you're in violation.
- *Grumble grumble grumble thanksfornothing howwasIsuppostaknow?*
Violator 2 - The Grammar Nazi
-Hey! What the hell are you doing?
-Sorry, you can't park here.
-But I was just stopping for a minute or two!
-I'm sorry Sir, but this is a private lot, it says so right on the sign that you parked next to *points at sign in ground, literally six inches from his fender*
-That says PERMIT parking, not private!
-Okay, my mistake, it's PERMIT not PRIVATE, so, do you have a permit?
-Uh... no
-Then you're illegally parked
-Uh.... WHATEVER!!! THANKS A LOT!!!
-Sure, anytime.
Violator 3 - Make it official
This one went on far longer than it should have, so I'll spare you most of the record-skipping repetitive commentary. ("You can't do that!" "Yes I can" "No you can't", ad infinitum.) Just like the two above, he parked in the entrance road, and then came running out when the truck hooked him. Now, once the initial pleasantries were exchanged, his whole argument (that required the real police to be called before he abandoned it and paid) boiled down thusly:
Even though our "Friendly Neighborhood Towing" sign is right next to where he parked...
Even though a truck with the name "Friendly Neighborhood Towing" on the doors was now next to that sign, hooked to his car. ..
Even though an employee of "Friendly Neighborhood Towing" with a tag declaring such stitched to his uniform was standing next to above mentioned truck next to above mentioned sign...
Well, in spite of all that, if the driver couldn't produce written documentation that he was allowed to tow that one specific car, then what he was doing was illegal! And furthermore, if he doesn't carry any written documentation of WHO he is, how is this guy supposed to know our driver is LEGIT?! And not just PRETENDING to have authority?!
Our driver tried in vain to avoid wasting the police's time on this one, but Mr Official just couldn't be persuaded otherwise, until our driver dialed up the cops, at that point, Mr Official caved rather quickly and paid up before they got there.
Here's another sidenote, why do the people who claim to know "the law" the loudest and most stridently always decline an offer to chat with the cops and put that knowledge to the test?
Furthermore, why is there that small yet vocal minority who believe everyone around them they don't recognize is a spy from planet Pluto?*
* It's not a planet anymore? Ha! That's what they WANT you to think!
And what's with the consistent demand for official documentation? They always demand that too. Ironic, seeing as they go bonkers at the idea of unique "tracking" documents they have affixed to them and have to carry, like birth certificates, and social security numbers, and, *GASP* LICENSE PLATES!!! Them having to ID themselves is crime, Yet, you being unable to is also a crime!
It's amazing that I've met at least 3 of these folks in my career here who honestly believed that myself or another one of our drivers was not, in spite of all evidence, a tow truck driver, doing what tow truck drivers do, towing cars unless I could produce documentation of that, WHILE TOWING NO LESS. Particularly weird since the forms he demands DON'T EXIST (there's no database of approved towing companies in this city, unless the yellowpages count), while at the same time, there are PLENTY of unique identifiers on the truck that he could look up on his own time and prove our legitimacy, yet they never seem to notice.
For example, on my truck, a casual glance will turn up
-It's truck number in our fleet (1013) and our business name and phone number. (Unless you are a repo agent, this MUST be visible on the truck per borough law, so he's kinda ignoring the "written proof" right there)
-It's registration with the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania DOT (License plate that starts with "RT" as all towing vehicles in this state do)
-It's registration number with AAA for motor club services
-It's registration number with the FEDERAL-level authorities, two in fact for different applicable commercial vehicle laws/taxes/non-taxes.
-It's registration with the County Solid Waste Department (This one is tricky, all "salvage and disposal" companies must register with said local department to ensure EPA compliance with laws aimed at trash disposal. However, since we also have to be a "salvage" company to legally tow in and dispose of abandoned cars, then we count even though we've never thrown away anything at the dump. Ain't bureaucracy grand?)
So there we go, six unique identifiers that are easily traceable in public record, yet, none of them count because I can't produce the nonexistent one he wants?
Is anyone standing outside his apartment picking their nose breaking the law unless they carry written documentation that they've been allowed to stand on the sidewalk and pick their nose? He seems to think so, despite the fact we know that there is no such thing as a nose picking license in the first place! Furthermore, if you DID produce said documentation, how much you wanna wager they'd claim it was a clever forgery, or that it doesn't specifically list which nostril it's okay for you to pick?
Conspiracy, it's a hell of a drug, don't try it kids! You'll only end up in a bunker in Montana with the others, drinking rainwater, safe in the knowledge that your precious bodily fluids haven't been tainted by government-supplied fluoride. (Silly guy! You think that will save you? That's why they started spraying mind-altering chemicals from commercial jetliners a few years back!!! But perhaps I've said too much?)
All in all, it's quite a fascinating trip through the twisted hall of mirrors that is the defective human psyche whenever this happens. I chuckle at how their suspicion-addled minds that are supposedly ever-vigilant against the slightest hint of conspiracy can see the "hidden messages" on the $1 bill, and know the President is really a lizard-mutant from the way he schedules his press conferences, yet fails to notice me right behind them in traffic when we stop at the same light 2 days later....
Yeah, you're quite the bright one.
If there really WAS a conspiracy to hide the truth from those who know too much, these clowns would get liquidated so fast you'd feel the air rush when it happened..... And that's why the whole notion that some grand Illuminati-led cabal is really running the world behind the scenes is pure bunk! Ha! Conspiracy! How cute!
END COMMUNICATION 35-255-01 (DESIGNATE: X-RAY) 1300 HOURS EST: AGENT AUTHENTICATION: LRS30001
Oops, silly me, how'd that get in there?
Rule of thumb: Is anyone in the vehicle right now? no? then you are parked!. The particulars are only academic, you are still parked, be it on street, on the lot, the grass, on the dark side of the Moon, or inside a giant barrel going over Niagra Falls.
Now, never was an issue before, but in the past month there have been three odd occasions where people have done just that at one particular lot that sits well below street level, and accessing it (in a manner that would leave your vehicle able to drive out under it's own power anyway) can only be achieved by means of driving down a short ramp-like exit road. Now, as soon as you turn off the street to use this ramp, there's a sign stuck in the ground that says
"PERMIT PARKING ONLY"
NO EXCEPTIONS
Violators towed
Friendly Neighborhood Towing XXX-XXXX
NO EXCEPTIONS
Violators towed
Friendly Neighborhood Towing XXX-XXXX
Clear enough? Well, sure, if you haven't suffered repeated blunt force cranial trauma lately. Apparently, the people who park here either have, or possibly their minds are being affected by this complex's truly HORRID architecture. I'm serious! This place was probably very modern and sylish when it was built circa 1972, but you and I both know that what passed for "Futuristic" alongside such high tech things as 8 track players and bell bottom pants hasn't really stood the test of time very well. And to think, there was a time when people inexplicably wanted to live in apartments that look like a cross between a McDonalds restaurant and a Federal Penitentiary, with the result of that then slathered in enough stucco to choke a whole wagon team of clydesdales. It's the kind of place that I'd imagine George Orwell thought we'd all get to live in one day, but with fewer telescreens and more moss growing on the improperly-draining roofs. but now I'm once again, getting off track.
Anyway, three separate people pulled into this lot and parked RIGHT NEXT TO THE DARN SIGN in about a 5 day window and didn't see a problem with it until one of our trucks showed up.
Violator 1 - The Visiting Team
-Hey! What the hell are you doing?
-You are illegally parked, you don't have a permit
-But I'm in visitors parking!
-Uh, no you aren't, this lot doesn't have visitor parking
-But I'm just visiting!
-There is no visitor parking in this lot , you must have a permit to park here. If you don't have one, as soon as you pull off the street, you're in violation.
- *Grumble grumble grumble thanksfornothing howwasIsuppostaknow?*
Violator 2 - The Grammar Nazi
-Hey! What the hell are you doing?
-Sorry, you can't park here.
-But I was just stopping for a minute or two!
-I'm sorry Sir, but this is a private lot, it says so right on the sign that you parked next to *points at sign in ground, literally six inches from his fender*
-That says PERMIT parking, not private!
-Okay, my mistake, it's PERMIT not PRIVATE, so, do you have a permit?
-Uh... no
-Then you're illegally parked
-Uh.... WHATEVER!!! THANKS A LOT!!!
-Sure, anytime.
Violator 3 - Make it official
This one went on far longer than it should have, so I'll spare you most of the record-skipping repetitive commentary. ("You can't do that!" "Yes I can" "No you can't", ad infinitum.) Just like the two above, he parked in the entrance road, and then came running out when the truck hooked him. Now, once the initial pleasantries were exchanged, his whole argument (that required the real police to be called before he abandoned it and paid) boiled down thusly:
Even though our "Friendly Neighborhood Towing" sign is right next to where he parked...
Even though a truck with the name "Friendly Neighborhood Towing" on the doors was now next to that sign, hooked to his car. ..
Even though an employee of "Friendly Neighborhood Towing" with a tag declaring such stitched to his uniform was standing next to above mentioned truck next to above mentioned sign...
Well, in spite of all that, if the driver couldn't produce written documentation that he was allowed to tow that one specific car, then what he was doing was illegal! And furthermore, if he doesn't carry any written documentation of WHO he is, how is this guy supposed to know our driver is LEGIT?! And not just PRETENDING to have authority?!
Our driver tried in vain to avoid wasting the police's time on this one, but Mr Official just couldn't be persuaded otherwise, until our driver dialed up the cops, at that point, Mr Official caved rather quickly and paid up before they got there.
Here's another sidenote, why do the people who claim to know "the law" the loudest and most stridently always decline an offer to chat with the cops and put that knowledge to the test?
Furthermore, why is there that small yet vocal minority who believe everyone around them they don't recognize is a spy from planet Pluto?*
* It's not a planet anymore? Ha! That's what they WANT you to think!
And what's with the consistent demand for official documentation? They always demand that too. Ironic, seeing as they go bonkers at the idea of unique "tracking" documents they have affixed to them and have to carry, like birth certificates, and social security numbers, and, *GASP* LICENSE PLATES!!! Them having to ID themselves is crime, Yet, you being unable to is also a crime!
It's amazing that I've met at least 3 of these folks in my career here who honestly believed that myself or another one of our drivers was not, in spite of all evidence, a tow truck driver, doing what tow truck drivers do, towing cars unless I could produce documentation of that, WHILE TOWING NO LESS. Particularly weird since the forms he demands DON'T EXIST (there's no database of approved towing companies in this city, unless the yellowpages count), while at the same time, there are PLENTY of unique identifiers on the truck that he could look up on his own time and prove our legitimacy, yet they never seem to notice.
For example, on my truck, a casual glance will turn up
-It's truck number in our fleet (1013) and our business name and phone number. (Unless you are a repo agent, this MUST be visible on the truck per borough law, so he's kinda ignoring the "written proof" right there)
-It's registration with the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania DOT (License plate that starts with "RT" as all towing vehicles in this state do)
-It's registration number with AAA for motor club services
-It's registration number with the FEDERAL-level authorities, two in fact for different applicable commercial vehicle laws/taxes/non-taxes.
-It's registration with the County Solid Waste Department (This one is tricky, all "salvage and disposal" companies must register with said local department to ensure EPA compliance with laws aimed at trash disposal. However, since we also have to be a "salvage" company to legally tow in and dispose of abandoned cars, then we count even though we've never thrown away anything at the dump. Ain't bureaucracy grand?)
So there we go, six unique identifiers that are easily traceable in public record, yet, none of them count because I can't produce the nonexistent one he wants?
Is anyone standing outside his apartment picking their nose breaking the law unless they carry written documentation that they've been allowed to stand on the sidewalk and pick their nose? He seems to think so, despite the fact we know that there is no such thing as a nose picking license in the first place! Furthermore, if you DID produce said documentation, how much you wanna wager they'd claim it was a clever forgery, or that it doesn't specifically list which nostril it's okay for you to pick?
Conspiracy, it's a hell of a drug, don't try it kids! You'll only end up in a bunker in Montana with the others, drinking rainwater, safe in the knowledge that your precious bodily fluids haven't been tainted by government-supplied fluoride. (Silly guy! You think that will save you? That's why they started spraying mind-altering chemicals from commercial jetliners a few years back!!! But perhaps I've said too much?)
All in all, it's quite a fascinating trip through the twisted hall of mirrors that is the defective human psyche whenever this happens. I chuckle at how their suspicion-addled minds that are supposedly ever-vigilant against the slightest hint of conspiracy can see the "hidden messages" on the $1 bill, and know the President is really a lizard-mutant from the way he schedules his press conferences, yet fails to notice me right behind them in traffic when we stop at the same light 2 days later....
Yeah, you're quite the bright one. If there really WAS a conspiracy to hide the truth from those who know too much, these clowns would get liquidated so fast you'd feel the air rush when it happened..... And that's why the whole notion that some grand Illuminati-led cabal is really running the world behind the scenes is pure bunk! Ha! Conspiracy! How cute!
END COMMUNICATION 35-255-01 (DESIGNATE: X-RAY) 1300 HOURS EST: AGENT AUTHENTICATION: LRS30001
Oops, silly me, how'd that get in there?
SIGN YOU PARKED RIGHT NEXT TO!!!
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