Anyone feel like this too, or am I the only one?

[ShadowBall]

A vast majority of the time, I sincerely feel as though absolutely no one is ever going to hire me to do anything...so I figure, "Why even bother trying?" Why apply when most employers will just throw my application in the trash when they see I'm a 25-year-old with virtually no work history? Or I get an interview and then I just happen to not get hired once the employer hears I'm in college. Or when I get out of grad school - if I last that long without leaping off the nearest bridge - I'm going to have to hide a $50,000 degree because it makes me overqualified for 99 percent of all jobs anyway? I will be overqualified and underqualified for every possible job at the same time.

That's all I ever get is fail fail fail. Not a lick of success. Having things work in my favor once in a while might prompt me to keep trying, but all I've experienced as far as job applications and interviews (and actual jobs) is failure - no calls, no getting hired, and when I did get hired for the first time, I was bullied by the manager on a regular basis and then fired for daring to complain to HR about it.

I know I need to work, but I simply have zero desire to even try anymore because I know it will all just end in failure. If I get hired, management will be hunting for reasons to can my ass like dogs hunting for a fox. Does anyone else feel this way too, or am I the deviant?

Too bad cancer runs in my family - I'd consider making a living being a human guinea pig or donating my eggs or something.

[ArcticChicken]

I know exactly how you feel.

[Victoria J]

It gets better, or at least it can.

I had a lot of problems when it came to looking for my first job. I was someone who had been considered academically gifted, but had underachieved due to a hatred of school, an abusive home life and when I went to university my first serious period of depression (which I only understood well enough to name later). So I left university with a less than impressive degree, nothing else anyone had ever said I was good at, and almost no work history. The more desperate I got to find work to prevent having to move back home the less chances I had as I wasn't really coping, and I got to move home to my abusive mother. Who having previously told me I couldn't live at her house when I was working (though on the couple of occasions I did find some short term work she hadn't actually followed through with this, though the loss of control did obviously upset her) was now constantly abusive because I couldn't find work.

I was claiming unemployment benefit for a long time, and maybe I should have been claiming as sick (though I think the pressure of unemployment was ultimately better). And I know how absolutely useless and hopeless that can feel.

I got my first work through volunteering. I was very lucky because I know lots of people who had less positive volunteer experiences but for me it changed my life, and near enough saved my life. (My mother had attacked me, and I had first lived with my uncle in the middle of nowhere and then moved to the nearest town where I lived in a tiny dismal bedsit and knew literally no one).

Volunteering helped get my confidence back. It also helped me prove I could do the job, I think working in the voluntary sector there are an above average number of the "weird" people, who do have trouble making that first impression. I found a job I hadn't known existed and turned out to be a great match for me. THe pay was maybe a bit low for graduate, but high for a non-graduate job, and people had a wide mix of backgrounds. I was neither over nor under qualified.

This being real life this wasn't a happy ending.

I worked for about 8 years, 6 with my last employer. BUt I worked for a small charity and funding got cut. I haven't been working since April.

And I have felt pretty hopeless at times. I am also very confused - I liked MY job and I am not sure that job will even exist in a few years for anyone. I don't know what else I can do that suits me as well. In the mean time I have had trouble finding anything at all.

This month I had some interviews for jobs like mine, and did not so well at all but one and I didn't get that. Lots of the not-mine jobs won't even look at me because I don't have experience doing exactly that work. I did get an interview for something that isn't ideal (and isn't the pay I hope to be getting again in the long term) but would have been nice for now. And I made an absolute fool of myself at interview. Interviewed by 2 managers and a resident of the homeless shelter I think they all liked me (I made the resident laugh which felt good), and thought I was a decent person. Unfortunately they also thought I was a bit crazed. First question I went blank, next question I talked at double speed, third I rambled. Then I randomly mixed up all my worst nervous-interview mistakes. Highlight was being asked to talk about a time when I'd had a disagreement with a manager or coworker, I swear I gave an insane laugh and said "Well I've had some disagreements with managers" before telling a not very impressive story about resolving something with a coworker. For the record I was one of the union representatives at my last job while jobs where being cut - i attended meetings as an equal with board members and management and helped at least one person keep their job and get retrained. Why the hell I couldn't have said that I don't know...

So after this I was feeling really hopeless. This was about 2 weeks ago.

The people at this organisation had been very kind to me, but no one sensible would have employed me based on that interview. But they really are nice (and possibly desperate) and seemed to have a fairly accurate few of the good and the bad I displayed. I missed a call for them and called back knowing they could only say I hadn't got the job.I hadn't. But they talked about the good things I'd shown, and the concerns they also had from the interview and have offered me casual work. ANd if I can show up and seem relatively sane on an ongoing basis I have a good chance of getting a proper job there. I'm waiting for my police check etc. at the moment, hoping to start work next month.

(I'm also looking to start a side business with 3 of the women I used to work with, and looking to start selling some of my crafts. I felt too hopeless to do that until this news came out).

I'm sharing this in the hope that a concrete example is better than just telling you there is hope. Some people do give you a chance sometimes, and if you are ready to take it you can do well from even a single chance.

If you can get over feeling so useless then you may be able to make some extra opportunities though. I am kicking myself for not doing anything in the last 8 months when I had lots of free time to set up the business.

I also used to be involved in local barter schemes (keep meaning to look for my current area), which were all about recognising that just because there isn't money to facilitate trade doesn't mean there is nothing of value. You can have communities where people have all kinds of skills (baking and sewing and carpentry and EVERYTHING possible) but are all sitting miserable and broke behind closed doors because they don't have any money to pay each other. Your skills and value exist independently. I still believe that a lot of individuals and poor communities alike would benefit so much if we all recognised this.

I'd also strongly recommend volunteering for references and work experience, learning, self-worth and cutting down the amount of time you can spend feeling sorry for yourself.

Good luck, and if you ever want to talk please feel free to PM me.

Victoria J

[Javarod]

I know how you feel, this is why i'm self employed, and worried about what's going to happen as i'm being forced to move to StL next year.

[ShadowBall]

If I thought I could actually make more than a double-digit income every month from being self-employed, I would consider it. But even with freelance writing, eBay sales and the very rare art project, I still don't make nearly enough to even support myself if I had a roomie helping with rent. And I'm not good enough at anything in particular to be self-employed - sure I have skills and hobbies, but nothing that could produce livable wages.

And I really don't know if I will ever get over feeling useless. Typically, "useless" is my default emotion, and depending on many factors, it may change to "really useless" and, at the worst, it goes to "I want to die now." But useless in general is kinda my automatic setting. I just worry that since I don't give a crap about myself, I may have a hard time giving a crap about complete strangers...especially without pay, which is why I have never considered volunteering. My transportation is also very limited, especially in the winter, so I'm not sure if I could even regularly volunteer anywhere anyway.

It just really seems that no one is willing to give me a chance to do anything, and I even find my so-called passions feel like chores anymore. I used to love to draw, but now I may go weeks without doing any art. And I find I force myself to engage in my own hobbies just so I can still feel human, but deep down I think I'm just becoming more and more engulfed by sadness and hopelessness and I think the day will come when I am nothing but an apathetic shell of my former self. That'd be great for working with the general public, but part of me is scared I may lose myself even more by working for the man. If that makes any sense at all.

I'm terribly confused - I know no one will ever give me a chance to show what I can do, but if they DID, I would probably reject their offer because I would feel I couldn't live up to their expectations, so why embarrass myself trying?

Maybe I'm just more emotional right now due to...uhh...the time of the month. I just wish I knew how to feel alive again. I don't think I'm cut out to be a retail slave, but at the moment, it's either that or unemployment and I need money.

Thanks for all the input, everyone. While I don't want to wish how I feel on others, it is comforting knowing I'm not suffering alone.

[ArcticChicken]

I used to love to draw, but now I may go weeks without doing any art.

Welcome to depression. The first thing that happens to me when my depression starts getting bad is I stop reading.

The most important thing right now is that you find someone to talk to. I know you can't afford a counselor, but do you have a pastor you could talk to? The depression sticky has a lot of links, they're not all for suicide hotlines, and I hear that the suicide ones are also willing to talk to people who're not ready to take drastic steps. I'm also willing to chat, from the point of view of someone else who suffers from depression. At the very least, journaling may help you to get the feelings out and take a step back from them.

I'm currently nerving myself for a plunge back into the world of job applications, and I am not looking forward to it, but I think I'm finally capable of not going completely nutso in retail.

[Solumina]

And I really don't know if I will ever get over feeling useless. Typically, "useless" is my default emotion, and depending on many factors, it may change to "really useless" and, at the worst, it goes to "I want to die now." But useless in general is kinda my automatic setting. I just worry that since I don't give a crap about myself, I may have a hard time giving a crap about complete strangers

I started volunteering because I knew it would look good on my university applications and I just picked what was the most convenient thing for me to do, it turned out to be one of the most meaningful things I have ever done and completely changed my outlook and perspective on life. It honestly changed me to my very core and made me a better person.

My transportation is also very limited, especially in the winter, so I'm not sure if I could even regularly volunteer anywhere anyway.

This isn't as big of an issue as you may think, a lot of places need volunteers for one time projects or on a regular, yet infrequent basis (like twice a month). Also keep in mind that even those one time things could lead to work, it isn't likely to lead to a permanent job, at least not right away, but it could easily lead to something, and something is definitely better than nothing.

[ShadowBall]

Even if I did want to volunteer, I don't know if there's anything around here that I could actually do. I don't think there's a need for candy stripers anymore or I'd do that...there's no animal shelter, no homeless shelter, no soup kitchen, no women's clinics, I don't know if there's any kind of volunteer work with seniors, and I can't stand little kids, so any kind of Big Sister or Girl Scout nonsense would be out of the question. I don't even think anyone would let me shadow them around here either. An art idol of mine got started down his highly successful career path job shadowing at a shirt shop and I wouldn't mind doing that around here, but I just don't think people do that anymore where I live.

Job shadowing was what the brainy kids would do in high school when they felt like getting the day off from class, much like how the remedial students took vo-tech all day so they wouldn't have to work. I think someone's going to look funny at someone my age trying to shadow anyway.

I guess you could say I volunteered when I was a teenager to be a caregiver, but that was more along the lines of me and my cousins were forced to care for my grandmother because a relative felt she wouldn't get adequate care in a nursing home. And we were in no way equipped to care for her.

Also, I think I would be reluctant to seek out a pastor to dump my emotional baggage on because I don't want to be told I'm depressed because I'm a sinner who has not found God. I was forced to do the God thing my whole life and it just wasn't for me, so I don't want to have to pretend to convert so a priest will tell me to say 500 prayers and that will make me feel better. And I actually do have an online journal where I would just kind of vent, but I don't use it as much now because 1) LiveJournal takes forever to load and often makes Firefox crash, and 2) I mostly used it to rant when my mother's idiotic "boyfriend" was still living here making my life about a hundred times more miserable. I don't know...I don't feel depressed. I had a bad episode of depression that lasted the classic two weeks in college a few years ago and I have never felt that hopeless for that long, but I knew for a fact I was depressed then. But how do I tell the difference between being plain old sad and being genuinely depressed when I don't feel that bad? I just figure I'm just plain old unhappy but not so much that I would require medication.

Gack I hate this town...nowhere to work or even volunteer. No wonder so many people are on welfare around here.

[Ree]

If you talk to the right priest or pastor, you won't have to face any of the crap you have offered up as an excuse no to talk to them.
I have yet to receive that type of lecture from any of the caring priests or nuns with whom I have talked and discussed my life issues.

Quite honestly, all that stuff you wrote almost sounds like an excuse for avoidance because it's too hard to do the legwork to face the problems.
In fact, most of what you offer up as reasons not to accept any of the advice given in any of your threads comes off as avoidance and excuses.

I understand it. I am not condemning.

As much as you hate your situation, you have grown comfortable with it, and the thought of actually doing anything other than sitting behind a computer screen and venting scares the hell out of you because that means upsetting the status quo and taking steps to change things.
That's pretty damn scary.

Change causes uncertainty and not knowing what will come of it can be very unsettling.

Your crappy, depressing life is familiar to you. The ongoing emotional abuse by your mother has become your constant and the fallback excuse when things don't turn out.

If you actually take the advice of everyone who has offered it, then you will have to stand on your own feet and take the consequences of your own decisions and actions because the fallback scapegoats will no longer be there.

It's just you.
If you fall on your face, there's nobody to point at and blame for the fall.

Not Mom.
Not your useless college education and degrees that you were forced into.
Not your shitty hometown.

The thing is, you could succeed!
You could get that dream job and dream life.

How great would that be to look back and say, "I did this! I made things change. I created my own happiness."

There are a lot of options open.
You can sit there and shoot them all down saying it can't be done, or you can use your computer to look up options available to you to start making positive changes.

Check out local community services and options to volunteer.
I don't know about the area where you live, but there must be some types of community and social programs that are looking for help.

Go to a senior's center or home and offer to help out with an arts and crafts class of some type. Offer to read to them.

Our local hospital has a program where volunteers bring tea and toast to the patients. Anything like that available in your area?

Pretty much every nursing home or hospital has someone in charge of recreation and volunteer services for the residents and patients.
All it takes is a phone call or email.

Big Sister programs don't always end up having you paired with a snot-nosed brat. Many people who participate find it really quite rewarding. You can ask to be paired with someone in their teens if you aren't comfortable around young children.

The thing is, these programs aren't going to just fall into your lap. You have to be motivated enough to go looking.

[ShadowBall]

I know you're right, though what you would call excuses I would call reasons. What others may see as me trying to avoid doing something is what I see as a genuine obstacle I cannot overcome.

Honestly, I have considered possibly seeing if I could teach an art class locally. I went to one many years ago that was taught at my high school late at night by a local painter and something like that would be neat, but I don't know if I'd have to pay for it (don't want to teach strangers enough to pay to teach them) or if anyone would go. And I don't know if I'd be confident enough in myself to try and educate others. I passed up the opportunity to teach someone life drawing a couple years ago (offered to pay) because I don't think I am good enough at it to teach someone else about it.

Personally, I feel there is no such thing as a dream job - there are jobs you can stand and jobs you cannot stand, and a vast majority of jobs are of the "can't stand" variety but people take them anyway because they need money. Also, it's highly possible my previous job experience at the call center has tainted my view of all work and I worry if I get a job now, it'll just be a repeat of the abuse I suffered there.

But this isn't so much about my living situation as much as it is just trying to find the urge to work like a normal person. I should want to work so I can have money, but I would honestly rather stay poor and unemployed than work and have a little cash because it would mean I won't have to worry every single day what I'm going to fail at like when I had my old job. Getting screamed at several days a week that I'm doing something wrong doesn't help me feel like I'm capable of working.

What others may see as possibilities for positive progress I see as merely more ways in which I can discover I am an utter failure. So maybe you can see why I have no motivation whatsoever to volunteer or work if, in my mind, I feel that it will just end in failure, rejection, and embarrassment.

[Teysa]

I may be wrong, having no artistic ability whatsoever, but it seems to me that teaching someone else how to draw might actually help improve your skills. After all, you will have to think about what you are doing and why you are doing in that way so you can explain it.

Also, does your town have any carnivals or festivals? Maybe you could get some pocket money doing caricatures. It might even give you some leads on more permanent opportunities.

But, no, you are not the only one feeling like you are. I felt like a complete failure after I lost my temper and quit my last job. While I was lucky enough to get an interview or two, I mostly got the don't call us, we'll call you responses. That was discouraging to say the least.

The day after I came home and cried my eyes out because I'd spent all day pounding the pavement with no real progress, I got a call from the amusement park I'd applied to. In fact, if you had an amusement park anywhere near you, I'd suggest trying to get a seasonal job there. They usually don't require experience and they're more willing to work around a school schedule considering the majority of their workforce is made up of students.

Anyways, good luck. I think you're stronger than you give yourself credit for and you will make it through this.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Not that I adore working at the call center, but since I knew people who'd worked there previously, when they were hiring seasonals in late 2010 I went for it. It was pretty easy to get in, and it pays well. I am surprisingly good at it despite my depression, anxiety, and phone phobias I didn't know if I'd last past the season but fortunately another client in the call center was hiring regulars so that's where I've been for almost a year now.

The economy is a huge part of the problem right now. You are definitely not alone...I know quite a few people who are not finding any work, or just enough to squeak by, and they feel pretty useless too. But they're not...they're smart, talented, good people who just need a break. I hope you will get yours soon. Hang in there, OK?

[Geek King]

When I got laid off from my IT job back in 2001, I was where you are now, ShadowBall. I started reverting to my weird sleeping patterens (20 hours up, 10 sleeping), which often put me at odds with the rest of the waking world, and I just didn't feel like doing anything. Sometimes I even just sat in a dark room and stared at the wall/ceiling, thinking. I often didn't leave the apartment for entire weeks.

I finally took a really crummy job that didn't even pay my rent, just to get me out of the apartment. Oddly, even in that crappy job at Odd Lots, I felt better about doing something. I did finally switch jobs several times, getting better and better positions. Sometimes it was brutal, back-breaking labor positions, but I did get back to my chosen profession (IT) after five years. Sometimes, just getting that feeling of worth back is a great motivator.

Think seriously about doing something, even for free, that gets you moving again. Another place to think about: vets who do "on the side" rescue work, who might need someone to come in and help keep the animals socialized. My cat's vet keeps rescue animals on-site, even though he's not an official rescue, and has people come in for socialization, feeding, and just to keep an eye out for possible trouble with the animals.

[Hyndis]

Doing something really is the only way to get out of depression. I experienced it for years myself, just sort of trapped and unable to do anything.

And honestly, the little green muppet had it right.

Do or do not, there is no try.

Seriously. It seems trite, but in the end you just need to do something. Don't try and do it, don't plan on doing it, don't think about doing it. Just do it. It doesn't matter what it is either. It could just be cleaning up the building or doing some yard work to start with.

At first it will be immensely difficult, but you'll accomplish something. Then you'll feel better, and then you'll want to do something else. Then you're well on your way to living a life rather than hiding and letting things pass you by.

When I finally hit rock bottom and forced myself to get moving, it was so immensely painful that I was actually stopping to vomit into every trash can down the city street just out of sheer nerves while facing down all of my past I had run from.

It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It felt like walking right into a wall of fire. But I did it, and passed through it just out of sheer willpower. Because I had forced myself through that out of sheer willpower, I suddenly realized that I'm actually kicking arse, and went on to do more and more stuff.

At rock bottom I was probably over 300lbs, never went outside, sometimes didn't even leave my room for days on end, had no friends, and was even gun shopping, though I only needed a very limited supply of ammunition...

Now I'm much, much better. I'm working in an office, regular 8-5 job, I'm well respected in the office and I'm the go-to guy in my department. I've lost 100lbs and am jogging every day to get back into shape, and I've become far more social, even picking up friendly conversation with people I've never even met before, and making new friends right there on the spot.

But you gotta walk through that pure agony first. It will hurt like hell to force yourself to change. While other people can help you, they cannot do that for you. You need to want to change, and you need to have the will to make that change happen. You might be in tears or physically ill from the stress while doing this, but change never is easy, but in the end, either you will change, or you will rot away to nothing.

[Solumina]

I know you're right, though what you would call excuses I would call reasons.

You haven't given us a single good reason, you have only given excuses. I get it: change is really frelling hard but you aren't happy and if you ever want a chance to be happy then something is going to have to change and you are the one who is going to have to make it happen.

What others may see as me trying to avoid doing something is what I see as a genuine obstacle I cannot overcome.

You may see them as obstacles that cannot be overcome but that is only because you haven't even tried to overcome anything. How do you know what your limits are if you don't push them?