Well, it's Christmas time, which always means we are crazy busy at <Red Checkmark> and the SCs get even more intense. Ready for some Holiday hell? Here we go!
Domestic dispute dispute
I feel bad for this guy to A POINT. Apparently his wife was not who he thought she was and after several years of marriage she bailed on him for another dude. While they were together, he decided to put wifey on his cell phone plan and even get her a tablet too.
Perhaps you can see where this is going...
He's mad at his ex because she was apparently supposed to transfer the phone and tablet lines into her name so he didn't have to pay them any more...but she hasn't yet. My SC is very unhappy about this wants me to, get this, MOVE THEM FOR HIM. As in, set up an account in HER NAME and switch those lines over to it!
After politely explaining to him how fraud works, he seemed to get it but then asked me again to move them.
Move them...where? A black hole? Jupiter? The Grand Canyon? I can't just up and make two lines disappear for you buddy, it doesn't work that way. I know this situation sucks but you chose to add these lines to an account in YOUR name which means YOU are financially repsonsible for them. I feel for your personal situation, but there's not a lot you can do about your wireless account unless you're willing to eat the cancellation fees.
Oh and did I mention he spent pretty much the ENTIRE call referring to his ex by every nasty name in the book? I was MORE than happy when he finally hung up on me.
Another one for the "Ruined Christmas" scorecard...
You currently owe use around $623, some of which is already past due. Your due date is the 11th and here you are asking me to change your due date to the 27th because you want to make sure little Johhny can get his new bike for Christmas.
Now, we do offer promise to pay, the problem is, the length of time we can give you is solely dependent on the system. I can only give you what it says I can give you and unfortunately for you, I can only give you until the 21st.
Yes, I realize that's BEFORE Christmas and I realize that will make it difficult on your budget but that doesn't change the fact that we can't set it any later than that.
No, I can't override the system.
No, my manager can't override the system.
What are you supposed to do now? I don't know, talk to your family members, get a second job, budget more reasonably?
He ended the call by saying he was going to tell his kids that <Red Checkmark> will be the reason they don't get any presents this year. Score one for the Grinch!
This is one Christmas miracle you won't be getting
Me: Thank you for calling <Red Checkmark>, how --
SC: I NEED AN IPHONE X TOMORROW!
Me: That's going to be difficult. Stock is very limited right now. I may be able--
SC: I DON'T CARE!! FIND ME ONE!!
Me: Unfortuantely I'm showing all the <Red checkmark> stores in your area are sold out.
SC: THEN SEND ME ONE!!
Me: We have none available for immediate shipment online and even if we did, you wouldn't have it by tomorrow.
SC: OVERNIGHT IT!
Me: I just said we have no available.
SC: FIND ME A DAMN IPHONE X. I NEED ONE BY TOMORROW!
Me: Is there some reason you're in such a rush to get one?
SC: NONE OF YOUR DAMNED BUSINESS!
Me: (this is going well...) Okay sir, if you absolutely need one by tomorrow you'll have to find somewhere besides <Red Checkmark> to get it. May I suggest Best Buy, Target or Apple?
SC: CAN YOU CALL THEM AND SEE IF THEY HAVE IT?
Me: I'm afraid not. That's on you sir.
SC: YOU'RE F***ING USELESS! *click*
Let's (NOT) make a deal
I get it, everyone is looking for deals around this time of year and while <Red Checkmark> is running some holiday promos, there's a certain class of SC that seems to think there are some super secret, super fancy deals we offer that are NOT advertised.
Sorry to break it you, SCs, but no, there aren't.
Occasionally we do make special offers to customers who are threatening to cancel service, but not to the point of offering steep discounts for the latest and greatest.
And no, we don't have to honor this offer of a Galaxy S8 that you found from some BS coupon site on the internet. Your threat to sue us over that is equally laughable.
The deals are what the deals are, folks. I'm just a phone jockey, not a magic man.
If I had any faith left in humanity, you just killed it
It took a lady TEN MINUTES to find her home button, then it took me another five minutes to teach her how to use it. A 38 minute call all because she couldn't figure out how to change the text size on her phone...
That sucks but it's not our problem
This is kind of the flip side of the first story. Father gives his adult son the PIN number on the account so he could do something at a store, I don't remember what it was.
While he was there, the store rep talks him into upgrading to an iPhone 8 and picking up a few accessories, which he conveniently can bill to daddys account.
Daddy calls in after getting his bill and is currently ripping me a new one demanding I reverse the upgrade and credit all the related charges.
Sorry dude, no dice. The problem is you WILLINGLY and VOLUNTARILY gave your son the code to gain full access to your account. That he did something you didn't want him to is not our problem. May I suggest asking your adult son to, I don't know you, pay you back?
Annnnd now I'm getting cussed out.
Once again, this is NOT fraud, you GAVE HIM THE CODE. Think of it this way, If I give you my debit card and PIN number I don't get to go whine to the bank if you drain my account unless I want to be laughed out of there. Same concept. I can suspend the line to get your sons attention and I would HIGHLY recommend changing your PIN IMMEDIATELY.
No, I can't give you a credit for "inconvenience".
That's...not how this works.
For some reason a LOT of my customers seem unable to grasp the concept of "Cloud computing". They think the Cloud is one big universal service run by only a single company that anyone should be easily able to access at any time.
Consider this statement from an SC I had two weeks ago: "I got some e-mail about cloud services. What clouds? I don't want clouds, I don't use clouds."
So I spend a few minutes explaining what cloud services are and how they work and he still doesn't really understand, saying: "I have no idea why people would want to store their stuff in clouds."
At that point I kind of mentally checked out. He rambled on about clouds for another few minutes and then hung up.
I really can't stand these people sometimes.
Domestic dispute dispute
I feel bad for this guy to A POINT. Apparently his wife was not who he thought she was and after several years of marriage she bailed on him for another dude. While they were together, he decided to put wifey on his cell phone plan and even get her a tablet too.
Perhaps you can see where this is going...
He's mad at his ex because she was apparently supposed to transfer the phone and tablet lines into her name so he didn't have to pay them any more...but she hasn't yet. My SC is very unhappy about this wants me to, get this, MOVE THEM FOR HIM. As in, set up an account in HER NAME and switch those lines over to it!
After politely explaining to him how fraud works, he seemed to get it but then asked me again to move them.
Move them...where? A black hole? Jupiter? The Grand Canyon? I can't just up and make two lines disappear for you buddy, it doesn't work that way. I know this situation sucks but you chose to add these lines to an account in YOUR name which means YOU are financially repsonsible for them. I feel for your personal situation, but there's not a lot you can do about your wireless account unless you're willing to eat the cancellation fees.
Oh and did I mention he spent pretty much the ENTIRE call referring to his ex by every nasty name in the book? I was MORE than happy when he finally hung up on me.
Another one for the "Ruined Christmas" scorecard...
You currently owe use around $623, some of which is already past due. Your due date is the 11th and here you are asking me to change your due date to the 27th because you want to make sure little Johhny can get his new bike for Christmas.
Now, we do offer promise to pay, the problem is, the length of time we can give you is solely dependent on the system. I can only give you what it says I can give you and unfortunately for you, I can only give you until the 21st.
Yes, I realize that's BEFORE Christmas and I realize that will make it difficult on your budget but that doesn't change the fact that we can't set it any later than that.
No, I can't override the system.
No, my manager can't override the system.
What are you supposed to do now? I don't know, talk to your family members, get a second job, budget more reasonably?
He ended the call by saying he was going to tell his kids that <Red Checkmark> will be the reason they don't get any presents this year. Score one for the Grinch!
This is one Christmas miracle you won't be getting
Me: Thank you for calling <Red Checkmark>, how --
SC: I NEED AN IPHONE X TOMORROW!
Me: That's going to be difficult. Stock is very limited right now. I may be able--
SC: I DON'T CARE!! FIND ME ONE!!
Me: Unfortuantely I'm showing all the <Red checkmark> stores in your area are sold out.
SC: THEN SEND ME ONE!!
Me: We have none available for immediate shipment online and even if we did, you wouldn't have it by tomorrow.
SC: OVERNIGHT IT!
Me: I just said we have no available.
SC: FIND ME A DAMN IPHONE X. I NEED ONE BY TOMORROW!
Me: Is there some reason you're in such a rush to get one?
SC: NONE OF YOUR DAMNED BUSINESS!
Me: (this is going well...) Okay sir, if you absolutely need one by tomorrow you'll have to find somewhere besides <Red Checkmark> to get it. May I suggest Best Buy, Target or Apple?
SC: CAN YOU CALL THEM AND SEE IF THEY HAVE IT?
Me: I'm afraid not. That's on you sir.
SC: YOU'RE F***ING USELESS! *click*
Let's (NOT) make a deal
I get it, everyone is looking for deals around this time of year and while <Red Checkmark> is running some holiday promos, there's a certain class of SC that seems to think there are some super secret, super fancy deals we offer that are NOT advertised.
Sorry to break it you, SCs, but no, there aren't.
Occasionally we do make special offers to customers who are threatening to cancel service, but not to the point of offering steep discounts for the latest and greatest.
And no, we don't have to honor this offer of a Galaxy S8 that you found from some BS coupon site on the internet. Your threat to sue us over that is equally laughable.
The deals are what the deals are, folks. I'm just a phone jockey, not a magic man.
If I had any faith left in humanity, you just killed it
It took a lady TEN MINUTES to find her home button, then it took me another five minutes to teach her how to use it. A 38 minute call all because she couldn't figure out how to change the text size on her phone...
That sucks but it's not our problem
This is kind of the flip side of the first story. Father gives his adult son the PIN number on the account so he could do something at a store, I don't remember what it was.
While he was there, the store rep talks him into upgrading to an iPhone 8 and picking up a few accessories, which he conveniently can bill to daddys account.
Daddy calls in after getting his bill and is currently ripping me a new one demanding I reverse the upgrade and credit all the related charges.
Sorry dude, no dice. The problem is you WILLINGLY and VOLUNTARILY gave your son the code to gain full access to your account. That he did something you didn't want him to is not our problem. May I suggest asking your adult son to, I don't know you, pay you back?
Annnnd now I'm getting cussed out.
Once again, this is NOT fraud, you GAVE HIM THE CODE. Think of it this way, If I give you my debit card and PIN number I don't get to go whine to the bank if you drain my account unless I want to be laughed out of there. Same concept. I can suspend the line to get your sons attention and I would HIGHLY recommend changing your PIN IMMEDIATELY.
No, I can't give you a credit for "inconvenience".
That's...not how this works.
For some reason a LOT of my customers seem unable to grasp the concept of "Cloud computing". They think the Cloud is one big universal service run by only a single company that anyone should be easily able to access at any time.
Consider this statement from an SC I had two weeks ago: "I got some e-mail about cloud services. What clouds? I don't want clouds, I don't use clouds."
So I spend a few minutes explaining what cloud services are and how they work and he still doesn't really understand, saying: "I have no idea why people would want to store their stuff in clouds."
At that point I kind of mentally checked out. He rambled on about clouds for another few minutes and then hung up.
I really can't stand these people sometimes.
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