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  • Wherein the SCs go global...

    In addition to my usual lines of work at <Red Checkmark>, my team has now also been added to the international queue so when customers are out of the country and having phone or billing issues, we get those calls. I'm sure you can probably guess how well this is working out...

    Don't Cry For me, Argentina

    SC: I'm on vacation and my damned phone doesn't work!
    Me: I'm sorry to hear that. What seems to be the problem!
    SC: I can't can get any signal, what the hell man??
    Me: Okay and what country and city are you in right now? (sidenote: I've given up asking "Where are you?" because I'm tired of vague, non specific answers to the question)
    SC: [Obscure place], Argentina
    Me: Okay, one moment. (I pull up the coverage map and there IS coverage there, but it's one not so powerful tower and it can only push out 3G. I explain this to the customer and...)
    SC: WHAT?!?! That's retarded. Why the hell isn't there faster service out here??
    Me: I can't really speak to that sir, I don't work for an Argentine network.
    SC: So is my service going to suck the whole time I'm here?
    Me: If you remain in that location you can expect spotty signal. If you are traveling to somewhere more urban you will see improved performance.
    SC: Ugh, this sucks. I think when I get back home I'll switch to T-mobile.
    Me:

    The truth hurts

    Guy calls in complaining about coverage issues in Guatemala. I pull the maps and find there's a sporadic outage affecting service...

    SC: So when will it be working again?
    Me: I don't know sir, there's no ETA on the ticket.
    SC: You don't know??? How can you not KNOW??
    Me: I can only go by what our network team puts on the ticket, right now they haven't indicated how long it will take to fix, probably because they haven't found the cause yet.
    SC: This is ridiculous! I did not come all the way to South America to be treated as though I am in a third world country!
    Me: Well, actually sir, Guatemala IS considered a third world country and such places do tend to have infrastructure issues pretty regularly.
    SC: Bunch of freaking morons...so what are you going to do for me?
    Me: There's nothing I can do sir. We need to wait for the ticket to be worked.
    SC: WRONG! There's plenty you can do. I want a full refund of my international plan.
    Me: I can't do that either.
    SC: WHY NOT???
    Me: For one, we do not and can not guarantee service in every country under every circumstance. Two, you've been using the plan for 8 days now without issue so even if I did approve a refund, it wouldn't be a full one.
    SC: Fine, whatever! I hope you're happy, you've ruined my trip! *CLICK*

    Really?....Really?....REALLY?!?!?!

    SC: Do I need an international plan to get coverage in Alaska?



    The angry foreigner

    Imagine a guy with a thick eastern european accent. That'd be the SC in this one.

    SC: Get my your f---ing manager, now!
    (well this is off to a grand start...)
    Me: Certainly, may I ask what this is regarding?
    SC: NO! I want manager. Now!
    (I have no account information on this guy, he won't even give me his name. So I begrudingly call over a manager who - surprise - wants me to see if I can get this guys account up and figure out what the problem is)
    Me: Okay, I have my manager here now sir but he wanted me to validate your account first so who I am speaking with?
    SC: Why am I still talking to you? Bunch of a freaking monkeys. I said I want manager. Get me manager.
    Me: Sorry sir, just trying to do my job!
    SC: SHUT UP!! No good monkeys...get me manager!

    So I transfer the call to my manager and the moron SC won't even give HIM any information because he's convinced we have caller ID and already have all his info in front of him. Sorry, sport, doesn't work like that. Manager hung up on him.

    "It's all your fault!"

    Let's review:

    1. You ordered a phone from <Red Checkmark>
    2. After several days you decided you didn't like the phone and would send it back.
    3. You LOST the original return label we sent with it and instead of calling us and asking us for another one, you googled an address to one of our stores or offices and sent it there.
    4. You then dropped the package off at a USPS dropbox, getting NO receipt and thus having no proof of dropoff.
    5. You have now been charged nearly $700 because no one knows where the phone ended up.
    6. You are currently screaming at me that this is all <Red Checkmark>'s fault and I better credit every penny of that charge back to you right now or you're going to Death Star wireless.

    Unfortunately for you, I don't offer much in the way of first aid for self inflicted injuries. YOU messed up. YOU didn't follow the correct procedure. You don't even remember the address you sent it to and I'm not about to call every <Red Checkmark> location in the country trying to find it.

    Sorry lady, it's game over. You LOSE. Have fun with our competition. You won't be missed.

    Chinese checkers

    SC: Yeah, I'm in Beijing and my phone keeps popping up this weird message in Chinese. I don't know what it says but it's annoying the crap out of me. I need you to get rid of it.
    Me: Okay, is there a small bit of text at the bottom of the message that looks like an "OK" or "Cancel" button?
    SC: Yeah, I tried that but it keeps coming back. I wish I knew what the hell it's saying.
    (Just a wild guess, but I'm thinking there's some oh, I don't know, CHINESE people around you at the moment that might be able to help you with that. I know they don't all speak English, but I doubt it would take too much effort to find one who did)
    Me: Unfortunately Chinese is not one of my strong suits. I can only guess it's something being put out by the Chinese wireless network you're on. Possibly a weather alert or a service alert of some kind.
    SC: You don't sound that sure.
    Me: Well, I'm not since I can't see the message and even if I could I can't read Chinese.
    SC: Oh my god...can't you just like, send a signal to the phone and make it go away?
    Me: The signals we can send aren't really designed for issues like this and even if I did do that, odds are it would just come back anyway because it's being generated by the Chinese network you're connected to.
    SC: But I have <Red Checkmark>!
    Me: Yes but you are currently IN CHINA. There are no <Red Checkmark> towers in China. We pay the Chinese carriers to provide service to our customers while we they are there. Unless you can figure out what the message means, there's no easy way to make it go away until you leave the country.
    Me: This is so stupid. Why do people have to be so stupid?.... *CLICK*
    Last edited by CrazedClerkthe2nd; 06-05-2018, 04:19 AM.
    "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

  • #2
    Hang up if they did nor answer who and why

    That was the store policy when I work at the computer store.

    If you wanted to talk to a tech (who were making money for the store at the rate of $70-$150 per hour) you had to give your name and the reason for the call.

    Customers would call for stupid questions that anyone in the store with free time could answer but were demanding to talk to a tech. Since us tech were making the store money with our work, pulling us off to answer phone calls was wasting money.

    Comment


    • #3
      Man now I wish I was still in the Navy.
      *calls red checkmark* From boat phone.

      I have no signal..

      where you at?

      ahhh somewhere between Bermuda and the Azores Islands.
      AkaiKitsune
      Sarcasm dear, sarcasm. I’m well aware that dealing with civilians in any capacity will skin your faith in humanity alive, then pickle anything that remains so as to watch it shrivel up into an immortal husk thus reminding you of how dead inside you now are.

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth Rosco the Iroc View Post
        ... ahhh somewhere between Bermuda and the Azores Islands.
        Oh buoy! Lookit that cell tower riding the waves!
        I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
        Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
        Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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        • #5
          I had a new boot ask and bitch about using his phone at sea.
          AkaiKitsune
          Sarcasm dear, sarcasm. I’m well aware that dealing with civilians in any capacity will skin your faith in humanity alive, then pickle anything that remains so as to watch it shrivel up into an immortal husk thus reminding you of how dead inside you now are.

          Comment


          • #6
            I imagine the Alaska thing confuses a lot of people from the Lower 48.
            Don't waste time trying to convince someone that the sky is blue.

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            • #7
              Even non-US citizens know that Alaska and Hawaii are part of the US, so why do so many US citizens not know? Don't you have world maps in your classrooms, or are they all hidden behind the flags?
              This was one of those times where my mouth says "have a nice day" but my brain says "go step on a Lego". - RegisterAce
              I can't make something magically appear to fulfill all your hopes and dreams. Believe me, if I could I'd be the first person I'd help. - Trixie

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              • #8
                Quoth RealUnimportant View Post
                so why do so many US citizens not know?
                I'm an Australian and I know that New Mexico is a US State.

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                • #9
                  Quoth gerund View Post
                  I'm an Australian and I know that New Mexico is a US State.
                  Dayyum. I'll have to quit using my grandfather's geography book (1906)!
                  I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                  Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                  Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth RealUnimportant View Post
                    Even non-US citizens know that Alaska and Hawaii are part of the US, so why do so many US citizens not know? Don't you have world maps in your classrooms, or are they all hidden behind the flags?
                    to be fair, if i was traveling to Alaska I would be worried I might at one point ping off a Canadian Tower, especially if I was going to be close the border.
                    Heck I'm pretty sure my phone pinged off a few Mexican towers when I lived near the Mexican border.....

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth CrazedClerkthe2nd View Post
                      Guy calls in complaining about coverage issues in Guatemala. I pull the maps and find there's a sporadic outage affecting service...
                      I'm going to hazard a guess that if that's been in the last couple of days, that Volcán del Fuego might have something to do with it.

                      Quoth gerund View Post
                      I'm an Australian and I know that New Mexico is a US State.
                      You'd be surprised at how many of our neighbors in Arizona, Colorado, and Texas...the states that border us...don't know that. That's why our license plates say "New Mexico USA" on them. I leave the state anymore and I take a map of the US with me.
                      It's floating wicker propelled by fire!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth Sliceanddice View Post
                        to be fair, if i was traveling to Alaska I would be worried I might at one point ping off a Canadian Tower, especially if I was going to be close the border.
                        Heck I'm pretty sure my phone pinged off a few Mexican towers when I lived near the Mexican border.....

                        I agree with this part as well. We don't leave ConUS often (actually haven't done so in the last 30 years so my sweetie would worry about everything), so that is something that we might be concerned about. Him because he's such a planner and me because I wouldn't want to run up a huge bill by calling my mother in an area that would cost money. We do tend to talk...

                        As to us Zonies not knowing that New Mexico is a state, lots of us never paid attention in school. I did and it always amazes me what people ask sometimes. I have had to overwrite my own script to use instead of the standard one because answering questions about things everyone should know is so tiresome and wasteful.

                        For examples: What is a Nationalized Citizen? What does average mean? Why are they taking all of this money out of my checks every payday? What is a retirement account?

                        My standard answer is "If this applied to you, you would know. *Next question:*

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth Slave to the Phone View Post
                          What is a Nationalized Citizen? What does average mean? Why are they taking all of this money out of my checks every payday? What is a retirement account?
                          A) The government owns your a**, teakettle, and all accoutrements.
                          B) Aver Age is when you're old enough to be told the truth.
                          C) The Dread Lord does not like that question.
                          D) It's where the office bets you'll die real soon. See 'C' above.
                          I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                          Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                          Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Quoth TheWolfEmperor View Post
                            I imagine the Alaska thing confuses a lot of people from the Lower 48.
                            To be fair there are plans with coverage only in the Lower 48. I noticed that my plan covers Puerto Rico, but not the US Virgin Islands.
                            I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my keister!

                            Who is John Galt?
                            -Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

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                            • #15
                              Quoth Sliceanddice View Post
                              to be fair, if i was traveling to Alaska I would be worried I might at one point ping off a Canadian Tower, especially if I was going to be close the border.
                              Heck I'm pretty sure my phone pinged off a few Mexican towers when I lived near the Mexican border.....
                              I live in Washington State (see my avatar) and have Red Checkmark service. We've learned when traveling in Washington but near Victoria, B.C. (such as San Juan Island or Port Angeles) to call Red Checkmark and tell them, as we frequently get the text "Welcome to Canada! Calls are $X.XX per minute!"
                              Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the restraints...
                              TASTE THE LIME JELLO OF DEFEAT! -Gravekeeper

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