The Gaping Maw, the Du-uurh Twins and more. (long, some language)

[marty]

I haven't had a lot of sucky customers lately, which is strange and frightens me because it's just not normal.

But, being Easter, and seeing as to how we were pretty much the only retail store open in the entire town, we were flooded with the suck.

Gaping Maw
This woman comes in and is upset about out return policy. I refused to let her get her money back for a new game because, as it clearly states on the receipt, "Opened new items can be exchanged for like item within 7 days." Well, Little Precious opened it, didn't like it, and Gaping Maw is upset because I will only do a return if it is defective, and give him the same shitty game in return. Because that's the policy. On the receipt.

Now, I'm fairly sure that anyone can figure out why I refer to her as Gaping Maw, and you know what? I was more than willing to go outside the policy, just this once and maybe try to get it through to her that we won't do it next time, but she wasn't willing to shut that large black hole of filth and loud that she calls a mouth long enough to let me get a word in. So I didn't. And I let her spew forth foul smells and unintelligable words for as long as she wanted, and in the meantime put her game back on the counter and slid it towards her. There was, of course, the usual, "I'LL NEVER SHOP HERE AGAIN BLARGARAAAH!" before she left.

I'd hate to see how she eats.


Du-uurh Twins
For two days in a row, these two kids, both maybe 13 or 14 have come in, parentless, and did nothing but play our arcades. They didn't purchase anything and had no intention of ever doing so, so I don't consider them legitimate customers no matter what corporate says. Today we had the arcades turned off because we didn't want people like that in there since we knew we'd be busy to begin with.

They come in anyways, ask us why the arcades are turned off, I give them legitimate reasons (the PS3 fan is broken, which is it, the 360 is on the fritz, which it is, and I'm plain not going to turn the damn PS2 on so fuck off.) So they wander over to the PSP, which we can't turn off, and start playing.

Du-uurh 1: Look, dude, I'm going to play this just to piss her off!
Du-uurh 2: Yuk yuk!

Whatever. I don't care. Considering I'm not having to directly interact with them, it's not bothering me a damn bit. A couple of minutes later, I go to the grocery store down the strip mall to get a drink. They follow me, for what reason, I don't know, maybe intending to try to hassle me. But I know the guys who work the checkout counters at Food Lion, and three of them are chatting, strapping young lads, each football player material. So as the Twins walk through the door, I gesture at them while talking to the guys. They pause, turn around, and walk back out.

WIN.


Desperation Day
This: Stereotypical "I live in my mother's basement and pretty much live in front of my computer playing games" guy walks into the store, looks at me and says, "Heeeeey ladies!"

And this: As I'm washing the windows outside, what looks like the other guy's younger brother declares that it is an atrocity that I have to wash the windows! And will I go out to dinner with him!

What the fuck do you think this is, Desperation Day?!: Thanks for staring at me for thirty minutes with your mouth slightly ajar, Creepy Guy Number 3, but that doesn't make me like you anymore. Maybe you can get together with Gaping Maw and you can both learn how to close your mouths together.


What time do we close? Gee, I wonder.
Our hours are posted on the door. We typically pull the gates down five minutes before close to indicate that, yes, we are closing. How many people came in after I pulled them down and asked when we closed? If you guessed 3, then you know sometimes I just want to hurt something because people are so dumb.


Sigh. Happy Easter.

[Boochan]

What time do we close? Gee, I wonder.
Our hours are posted on the door. We typically pull the gates down five minutes before close to indicate that, yes, we are closing. How many people came in after I pulled them down and asked when we closed? If you guessed 3, then you know sometimes I just want to hurt something because people are so dumb.

I share your pain on this one. we have a ridiculously large entrance (double the width it should be) and we close one door to symbolise this.. most days (Saturday was one) we will get more then 5 or 6 customers come through rushing to get stuff.. some still come in JUST TO BROWSE, which is even more wrong. We ordered a trading hours sign for this purpose (so people would shut up regarding closing times, since the mall opens at 8 and closes at 6 where we open at 9 and close at 5:30) so people would stop calling us asking why we wern't open when they walked past at 8:30. Sadly, this hasn't stopped people. >_<

Same deal again with catalogues. We bought a special catalogue stand to stick right at the front of the store, smack in the middle of the entrance area. We still get asked everyday if we have a catalogue running, or where are your catalogues..

Never ends..

[LoneWolf]

What time do we close? Gee, I wonder.

Our hours are posted on the door. We typically pull the gates down five minutes before close to indicate that, yes, we are closing. How many people came in after I pulled them down and asked when we closed? If you guessed 3, then you know sometimes I just want to hurt something because people are so dumb.

Sigh. Happy Easter.

Oh man, even on the other side of the world it's still the same. There's one thing that can make my hair stand on end and that's walking in when there are a lot of obvious signs that you should not walk in.

Perhaps it's so annoying because other people had 8 hours before closing time to bother us.

[marty]

Oh man, even on the other side of the world it's still the same. There's one thing that can make my hair stand on end and that's walking in when there are a lot of obvious signs that you should not walk in.

Perhaps it's so annoying because other people had 8 hours before closing time to bother us.

It really just...I mean, come on, why would anyone expect any store to be open that late on a sunday, much less Easter Sunday when everything else is already closed. We close at six every sunday, did people think we'd magically stay open because the easter bunny came and willed it to be?

[csever01]

My favorite with this one is the "Read, Check, Squint, and Knock."

First, the SC comes up to the locked door and pulls on it. It is locked and therefore doesn't open. The SC then reads the hours printed on the door. Because they can't believe that it can possibly be later than closing time, they check their watch. Keep in mind that they really aren't Sucky yet; they just thought it was earlier than it really is. But then, they cup their hand over their forehead, put their face up against the glass, and squint into the store. Then, of course, since they see people in there, they assume that the place should be open (because it obviously takes no time at all to close down a store). So then they knock on the door until you go up to it, unlock it, and have to TELL them you're closed.

I used to work at a major wireless phone company, and we closed our stores at 7 p.m. We went by the time on our phones for locking the door. One time, a guy banged on the door, I went out there, and he threw a fit. He wanted to return stuff, and it was the last day of his return period, and it was now 7:04. I informed him that our registers were already being closed and counted for the night and we couldn't allow him inside.

He said, "But it's only like 7:04."
Me: Yes, 7:04 is AFTER 7:00, therefore we are closed.
Him: I'm calling corporate!

You do that. They're the ones that told us not to EVER allow ANYONE in after closing because of security and safety reasons.

[Alpha Strike]

My favorite with this one is the "Read, Check, Squint, and Knock."

First, the SC comes up to the locked door and pulls on it. It is locked and therefore doesn't open. The SC then reads the hours printed on the door. Because they can't believe that it can possibly be later than closing time, they check their watch. Keep in mind that they really aren't Sucky yet; they just thought it was earlier than it really is. But then, they cup their hand over their forehead, put their face up against the glass, and squint into the store. Then, of course, since they see people in there, they assume that the place should be open (because it obviously takes no time at all to close down a store). So then they knock on the door until you go up to it, unlock it, and have to TELL them you're closed.

[/I]

Hah! The whole time I was reading this I was silently nodding in agreement. That's EXACTLY how things would work at the EB (games store) that I worked at for a few years, right down to the tug on the chain gate and the obligatory "Are you closed?" question asked while staring forlornly through said gate.

[Acolyte]

Do you work at an EB (Or Gamestop or something), Marty? I feel your pain. At Xmas, we actually had such a problem with people playing the consoles that we had everything we could easily turn off shut down for a month around Xmas. However, we couldn't turn off or unplug our PSP either, so people were still lining up. Finally, we had thing gaggle of little fuckvermin offspring who were yelling and hitting each other trying to get a turn. I'd warned them, the assistant manager had warned them and, when the manager got in, he warned them, but they didn't stop. Finally, the manager turns to me.
'Don, PLEASE tell me you have a knife on you.'
'Uh...I think it's illegal to stab them in the face, or I would have already.'
'I'm not going to stab them, just kill the PSP.'
'Oh, well, here you go.'
He takes my pocketknife, flips it out, grabs the bit of exposed cord the PSP had, cuts it in half and yells 'GET OUT!' at the kids.

Later, he had to file a form to get it replaced by an 'accident' (He said the sliding game trays sliced it...), but it was SO worth it having it shut down.

[marty]

Do you work at an EB (Or Gamestop or something), Marty?

He takes my pocketknife, flips it out, grabs the bit of exposed cord the PSP had, cuts it in half and yells 'GET OUT!' at the kids.

Later, he had to file a form to get it replaced by an 'accident' (He said the sliding game trays sliced it...), but it was SO worth it having it shut down.

Yes. And that, sir, is absolutely brilliant.