Wish us luck with mom ...

[Pixilated]

I've got a train ticket for My Hometown tomorrow ... brother is already there ... both going to visit mother.

Got a call and an email today: caretaker came in to find mom lying on the floor. She refused to go to the hospital -- insists she did not fall and to be fair, brother sees no indications of a fall (bruising, etc.) He says at this point she cannot walk (even with a walker) without help; she cannot even turn herself over in bed without help.

Now we must, heaven help us, somehow convince her she CANNOT stay in the house, for any length of time, on her own. At best, if she goes to hospital they MIGHT be able to bring her back to where she was a couple of weeks ago and that would at least grant her a little more time in her own home. But she has so far proven very stubborn and I don't know if anything we say will change her mind. Brother thinks that, without 24/7 help, within 3 days there would be some sort of "catastrophic event" that would negate any choice she has in the matter of her future residence.

[Lindsey]

That's rough. It's a difficult conversation but I hope you can get her to see the situation the way you and your brother already see it. Good luck and good thoughts toward all of you.

[Mishi]

Good luck! I hope that everything works out well and that she accepts that she needs a higher level of care.

[Pixilated]

Thanks, guys. Just waiting for the taxi now.

In fact, things have gotten a whole lot worse in the last 24 hours. I think the conversation is going to get much rougher because we are now looking at a situation where she needs far more care than she can possibly get at home. And that is likely to have to be done without her consent.

[Merriweather]

Having been there, done that, my only suggestions would be to play up the non-obvious advantages - don't focus on she needs someone to take care of her, that's the part she doesn't want to face. Focus instead on having friends around her, no more cooking & cleaning, activities to take part in, etc. Even better if you can find a friend or aquaintance of hers who is living somewhere nice and can talk to her about the plus side of it (if she goes to church, her minister might be able to help you on that).
Other than that, well, we had to resort to a bit of threatening and bullying with my mother, I hate to say, but it did work out in the end, I believe she was fairly happy after she settled in, she made friends and talked about the various activities and all.

Good luck, and hugs - it isn't an easy situation to deal with under any circumstances.

[Akasa]

I feel for you. I wish you patience and luck.

[Pixilated]

Sorry I didn't reply sooner but mom's computer is antiquated and almost not worth getting onto.

Thanks, all, for the sympathy and suggestions. The situation has been settled: mom has been deemed incompetent, so at this point, she will have help and "watchers" regardless of whether she wants them. Longterm care has been recommended.

I am sorry for mom, but unfortunately, given her deteriorating condition, this is the best thing for her.

[El Pollo Guerrera]

It sounds like it is the best for her.

Best wishes and positive thoughts for her. And you and the rest of your family. I know it's a rough time for you.

[Der Cute]

I'm sorry this is here to deal with; but I am glad that she's cared for now.