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Rejected Children's Books

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  • #16
    67. Mommy and the milkman - What daddy does not know won't hurt him.
    68. Mommy and Daddy got divorced because you were a shit.
    69. Amazing four letter words to learn and share with your friends.
    70. Try this at home - death defying stunts and other dangerous activities
    71. How to make your own beer and other drinks.

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    • #17
      72: Cool At Home Drinks: Cocktails from Under The Sink
      73: God Loves You, Now Be Good and Drink Your Kool-Aid (I hope this isn't too obscure)
      74: How to Fool your friends: The Con-Edition
      75: Jesus Loves Everyone, Except You
      76: How To Shove a Penny Up Your Nose
      77: Mommy Will Do To You What They Did To Mr. Whiskers If You Keep That Up
      78: Why You Won't See Fluffy In Heaven
      79: Hussler For Kids
      80: Mr Fork and Mrs Outlet: Fun At Home Games
      81: The Divine Comedy Pop-Up Book
      82: Marquis De-Sade Pop-Up Book
      It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.
      ~~~H.L. Mencken

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      • #18
        73. Your First Day at School and Why You'll Never Come Home Again
        73. Your First Picture Book: Reading is for Losers
        74. Freeway Dodgeball: The Official Kindergarten Rules
        75. The Really Bad Day--Mommy Put Her Head in the Oven
        76. Santa Claus is a Big Fat Fake (And Other Lies We Told You)
        77. Why Mommy's Boyfriends Pay Her
        78. Daddy drinks because you cry.
        79. Billy was so bad, his Daddy left forever.
        80. Children's Catalog of Prescription Medicines
        81. Grandpa Went To Hell
        82. How to Become the Dominant Military Power in Your Elementary School
        83. Girls Are From Venus, Boys Are From Cootieland
        84. Joe Camel and The Magic Cancer Stick
        85. Mommy’s Got A New Baby To Love
        86. A Child's Guide to Final Arrangments
        Because as we all know, on the Internet all men are men, all women are men and all children are FBI agents.

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        • #19
          I had this as a kid....it's a real book.

          http://www.amazon.com/Struwwelpeter-...5215699&sr=8-1
          Testing
          "I saw a flock of moosen! There were many of 'em. Many much moosen. Out in the woods- in the woodes- in the woodsen. The meese want the food. The food is to eatenesen."

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          • #20
            The Little engine that couldn't because he was a worthless bum like your father.
            Daddy and his new boyfriend
            The little engine that couldn't get it up.
            Marbles taste good.

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            • #21
              • Babar and Bambie Visit the Taxidermist
              • The Attention Deficit Disorder Awareness Organization's Guide to Wild Birds of--Hey Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!
              • Flatulence For Self-Expression and Amusement
              • My Immortal
              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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              • #22
                Mommy's toy "rocket"

                A guide to your two mommies
                The Grand Galactic Inquisitor hears all and sees all.

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                • #23
                  Quoth mafiagodfather View Post
                  Daddy and his new boyfriend
                  Actually, there are two books out called Jennifer Has Two Daddies and Heather Has Two Mommies by Priscilla Galloway. She has some fantastic books, but I don't think I'll be purchasing either of those for my classroom or my own children.
                  ~*~"If your gift is that of serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, do a good job of teaching." -Romans 12:7~*~

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                  • #24
                    Don't forget these!

                    Be careful when buying your kids books about their favorite boy wizard, or you might accidentally end up with...
                    • Harry Peter and the Sorcerer's Bone! (this is, in actuality, a film of the "Adults Only" variety! )
                    • Harry Peter and the Order of the Penis!
                    • Harry Peter in the Half-Blood Wench!
                    More children's book titles to come as I think of them.
                    "Eventually one outgrows the fairy tales of childhood, belief in Santa and the Easter Bunny, and believing that SCs are even capable of imagining themselves in our position."
                    --StanFlouride

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                    • #25
                      97. Everyone You Love's Gonna Die
                      98. Why Does Grandpa Smell Like That?: A Pop-Up Book
                      99. Bugs: Nature's Candy!
                      100. Why Did My Ear Fall Off? - A Child's Guide to the Wonderful World of Leprosy.
                      101. Barney Gets Ebola

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                      • #26
                        Harry Potter and The Squeaky Voice

                        Harry Potter Notices Boobs

                        Why Can't Mr Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Play Nice?

                        "Welcome to McDonald's" and other Mantras for childhood achievement. (Not a diss on you fast food guys, really.)

                        The child's guide to experession through Ebonics.

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                        • #27
                          103. The My Little Ponies Go To The Abbatoir.

                          104. 101 Ways To Torture Your Siblings.

                          105. Babar Meets The Big Game Hunter.

                          106. Alice's Adventures Thru The Windscreen. (Yeah, I stole that from the Simpsons)

                          107. How You Ruined Mummy's Life.

                          108. Knives, Needles, Screws And Other Pointy Objects: A User's Guide.

                          109. Rude Versions Of Popular Christmas Songs.

                          110. Even Mummy Thinks You're A Prick.
                          People who don't like cats were probably mice in an earlier life.
                          My DeviantArt.

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                          • #28

                            106. Alice's Adventures Thru The Windscreen. (Yeah, I stole that from the Simpsons)
                            I know, I remember that line and thought that was from the Simpsons. Anyways for more rejected children's books.

                            - Smoke yourself Thin (yes another idea stolen from the Simpson)
                            - Hand gernades, guns and other fun and cool toys.
                            - A kids guide to flashing
                            - Strangers have the best candy
                            - Five finger discount - How to get stuff for free.
                            - binging - A bulimiac's guide to staying thin.
                            Last edited by Ree; 08-14-2007, 10:26 PM.

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                            • #29
                              The Angry Dragon, the Disappearing Panda, and other fun games to play with your friends.
                              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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                              • #30
                                Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                                The Angry Dragon, the Disappearing Panda, and other fun games to play with your friends.
                                and....the sequel to that best-selling title!...

                                Mommy, who is Sanchez and why is he Dirty?

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