My job is getting weirder, I think.

[ThePhoneGoddess]

I hate people who kill my call time.

Me: Thank you for calling Bugaboo cell phones, my name is TPG, my rep ID is 12345, can I have your cell phone number please?
SC: Your name is what?
Me: The Phone Goddess.
SC: And your number was what?
Me: 12345.
SC: Let me write that down. *mumble mumble* I had no idea this was going to take this long. *mumble mumble* Hold on, I need to find a pen. *Shuffle papers, bang things around, mumble some more, say bad things about me under their breath, walk through a few rooms, mumble some more, shuffle more paopers, bitch about not finding a pen, and then---finally---*Ah ha! A pen. What was your name again?
Me: The Phone Goddess.
SC: Dammit! Write! This pen doesn't work. Hang on. *Shuffle through some drawers for a loooooooong time, eventually find another pen.* Okay, The Phonnnnne Goddesssss. And what was your number?
Me: 12345.
SC: 12345. And what did you want from me?
Me: Can I have the cell number you're calling about?
SC: Oh, I don't know. Hang on. *mumble shuffle* How do I look up the number while I'm talking to you?
Me: Oh, you're not able to do that while on a call, I'm sorry. Do you have at least the last 4 numbers?
SC: Uh...I think it's 7777?
Me: all right let me take a look. You said 7777?
SC: No, wait! uh...7778.
Me: 7778.
SC: No, wait!---7787. Yeah, that was it! 7787!
Me: Ok, 7787. Hold on while I look that up.
SC: See, my friend, Kev wanted to put minutes on my phone so I could call home so my gramma wouldn't bitch at me for being late with her car, and he went and put the credit card number in and the address and his name and part of his social and all this other shit and then it said to wait one hour and that was like 3 hours ago. So I was calling back to find out why it didn't go through, cause you know it charged his card but we didn't get the minutes.
Me: Ok, I see here that you had placed an order for $100 dol---
SC: Yeah, did it go through yet?
Me: I have an order for $100 using a visa car---
SC: I know, I know! Did it go through yet?!
Me: Using a visa card that ends in #4999. Is this your--
SC: Look, I just need to know if it went through yet.
Me: *gritting teeth* Is this your credit card sir?
SC: No, why?!
Me: The order needs to be run through a security verification. I need to speak to---
SC: Okay, I got all the information. What information do you need?
Me: I need to speak to authorized signer of the card.
SC: He's not here right now. Look, I got his social, his date of birth, his address, what all information do you need to get me my minutes.
Me: I NEED to speak to the cardholder, sir.
SC: Well, he's not here right now.
Me: All right, sir, you would need to have him give us a call back. Would you like a toll free number he can call to speak with us?
SC: Jesus Christ. Why is this so difficult?!
Me: Because he is the only one who is legally allowed to place an order with his card, sir.
SC: Okay, well he's not here right now. Fine, give me that number, I'll see if I can have him call you.
Me: 800, 867, 8888.
SC: Eighttttt hundred, eighhhhhht sixxx sevvvvven...eight eight eight eighhhht.
Me: I will hold this order open for him, all right? Thank you sir.
SC: Well wait, I got another question!
Me: Yes?
SC: Um, so I got this plan with this feature under this promotion, but I wanna know if I can get this other feature instead, cause I found another promotion with this other feature but it costs like, 30 dollars more. Can I get that promotion for this price?
Me: You would need to talk to customer service, sir. I don't have any information on promotions, would you like me to transfer you?
SC: You don't know anything about these promotions?
Me: No, sir.
SC: Well...isn't that part of your job? You really should know about these promotions, you know. That's part of your job.
Me: Sir, I don't have any information on the rate plans, customer service is who you would want---
SC: You really need to know that, Ma'am, that's part of your job.
Me: I do not have any information on the rate plans sir, you need to---
SC: Well you are supposed to know that! It's part of your job!
Me: Sir, this is the security department. I am not trained to assist you with the promotions or rate plans at all. Would you like me to send you to customer service?!
SC: *siiiiiigh* All right, fine.

Grrr......








Another Gene Pool Reject?

Me: *ringgggg*
SC: Hello?
Me: Hello, may I speak to Mary Smith please?
SC: This is Mary.
Me: I'm calling from Bugaboo phones about an order that was placed to add minutes to a cell phone.
SC: Minutes to a what?
Me: To a cell phone. Did you place an order to add minutes to a Bugaboo cell phone?
SC: What's a cell phone?
Me: A cell phone is a phone that's not connected to anything that you can carry around with you.
SC: Oh. No, no I didn't.
...

This woman spoke perfect English. I can think of no other reason for her not to know what a cell phone is.







Don't bluff someone who's got nothing to lose.

*after nearly 10 minutes of an extremely difficult conversation, this SC finally consents to a security verification. He answers the first question, and then refuses to answer the second.*
SC: Look, I am not going to answer anymore of your stupid questions!
Me: Sir, I cannot process your order until we have completed the security verification.
SC: Bullshit! Either give me my minutes or cancel my order.
Me: All right sir, your cancellation number is 123456.
SC: WHAT?!!!
Me: Your cancellation number is 123456. sir. Thank you for calling Bugaboo phones.
SC: I didn't want that order cancelled!
Me: Sir, I cannot process an order if you choose not to complete the security verification. You asked me to cancel it, so I did.
SC: I didn't ask you to cancel it! What do you think you're doing?!
Me: Yes, sir, you did. You told me to either give you the minutes or cancel the order. Since I cannot give you the minutes without finishing the verification, I cancelled your order.
SC: Goddammit I didn't want that order cancelled! Uncancel it right now!
Me: I'm sorry, you would need to replace the order, then we would need to complete the security verification. Did you want to do that?
SC: What is your problem?! How dare you cancel my order! I want to talk to yuor supervisor!
Me: Sir, you TOLD me to cancel it, so I did. Hold one minute for a supervisor, please.

Don't give me an ultimatum, cause I'll take you up on it.





Things never to say to coworkers number 7,346:

New Co-irker: Do you wanna see my rash?!

TPG's response: Absolutely not. And if you try to show it to me I will scream bloody murder and go running to the lead to tattle. So don't even think about it.

*This new guy had been coming on to me for 3 hours straight. I was already annoyed when he broke out with this. I'm afraid I was a little harsh. But hey, it worked. He blanched and backed off immediately.*







Some random quotes taken from various calls.


"Ain't nobody could'a placed a order from that phone. He was burned up in a car wreck. The phone too!"

"I don't see what is so difficult about this. I just want to put minutes on my phone. Why does it matter whose card I use?"
It doesn't matter? Well then here, why don't you use mine?


"Is this your credit card?"
"It's my debit card..."
"And it's your name on the card?"
"My bank has the wrong name on the card, it's my grandmother's name, but it's my debit card..."
Riiiiight. And I got a bridge in Minnesota to sell you, too!

[cinema guy]

Do you have to ask verification questions of everyone, just suspicious people, or is there some way of deciding when they have to speak to your department?

[ThePhoneGoddess]

Some people are selected by the computer when they place multiple orders back to back, or some other behavior that the computer is programmed to flag. Some people act suspicious so the recharge people flag the order and send it to us. Sometimes there's a glitch in the system and it won't recognize the correct address even though the customer insists that is the billing address, so it gets sent to us. Sometimes the bank doesnt use starcheck so we have to call and verify a checking account number manually.

There are all sorts of reasons why calls gets sent to us, but no, we do not speak to every single caller.

[Boozy]

I liked how the first guy complained about how long everything was taking, and then slowed the whole process down to a halt with his lack of organization.

[Imogene]

Did the lady who didn't understand cell phones sound old? That's about the only way I can imagine she wouldn't know what they are, and even that's shaky nowadays.

[zzapp the witch]

Dude, my friend's 95 year old great grandma can text faster than I can.

(She actually has Bing Crosby next to the Foo Fighters on her Ipod, too).

Sooo....yeah, wierd, but you never know.....

[Raventhistle]

hah, I loved the "You don't need to know that!" customers....I'd look up their account with their name, birthdate, etc. If that didn't work I -need- the soc sec #. There are so many people who'd give you their firstborn child, but then would rather go dig through paperwork they should've dug through before they called, just so they didn't have to give me "confidential" info that we already had on file somewhere. *sigh, shakes her head*

[JLRodgers]

Well it could be possible for a debit card to have the wrong name on it -- although I'd never accept it. My bank once sent everyone who's name was on an account a debit card -- in the name of the first account holder (so 3 debit cards, 3 different numbers on the cards, 1 name).

But that "what's a cell phone" reminded me of my next door neighbor that died. I was outside talking on a portable phone (not cell, just a normal phone without a cord) -- he saw me outside, walked over, and kept on trying to answer the things I was saying to the person I was talking to. When I said "hold on, the next door neighbor thinks I'm talking to him" -- he actually said "oh, there's someone else here *looks around* must've left, I didn't hear anyone else".

So there's even people that don't understand a cordless phone out there too.

[elysia]

She may not have known what a "cell phone" was if she's not North American - they are "mobile" phones in UK I think. I could see that tripping up someone a little slow.

[ThePhoneGoddess]

No, she was obviously American. She had a classic Northeastern accent and a Massachusetts address. She was totally American.

[BaristaTrav]

the spirit of KaraCS lives on..