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  • #1

    Think before you speak!

    I need to vent. And try to feel better.
    Last night my mother and I did some Christmas shopping. We went to my favorite restaurant that I frequent, let's call it Green Crab. I'm a regular there and they know me. As the server was leading us to our seats, she gives me a big smile and says with a look toward my stomach "That baby is going to grow up LOVING seafood, huh?" I just looked at her and said "Um, I'm not pregnant." She didn't miss a beat and said "Oh? Sorry, I thought you were. I thought someone told me you were expecting." I said "nope, not pregnant. Haven't been for six years." And then she seated us, told us to have a nice dinner, and left with another smile. My mother was silently fuming. I sat and looked at my mom and said "Really?!?! REALLY?!"
    Who does that and doesn't feel embarrassed? I would be MORTIFIED if I called someone pregnant and she wasn't.
    The same thing happened a few weeks ago at a Subway. As my mother and I were looking at the menu, the approximate high school age cashier said "So when are you due?" I stared at her for a second before replying "I'm. Not. Pregnant." She shrugged and said "Oh. Sorry. You just look like you are." I was so shocked that I didn't even know what to do. We ordered and left but I thought my mother would kill her with the glares she was giving.
    What do I do in these situations? I am embarrassed to even be asked this but I'm also embarrassed for the person asking and because I don't want them to feel bad, I tend to gloss over it like it's no big deal. The problem is it IS a big deal. I'm very hurt by these comments.
    I'm not that big. Honest I'm not. I have been going to a gym since March, four days a week, but the progress is slow. I've been doing ab exercises but it doesn't happen overnight.
    The medication I'm on has contributed to the weight gain but my chosen anti-depressant is the only one I have found so far that does not give me awful nightmares. (I loved zoloft but the nightmares were unbearable. I would actually be afraid to go to sleep.)
    I know I should just let the comments slide off my back (or my stomach!) but this has happened three times in the last three months. (There was another time that I didn't add here.)
    What do other people do in these situations? Do I complain to a manager? I didn't want to last night because as I said it's my favorite restaurant and I don't want to get the server in trouble.
    Sorry this is so long. Thanks for listening!
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Thank you, badgegirl007! I really didn't want to complain to a manager but after hearing so many other people say that I should have it made me wonder.

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    • #3
      Daisy, it probably doesn't mean anything, but please go to a doctor and get a check-up. It could be you just have a lot of fat in your abdominal cavity and not in your limbs, but it could also be your abdomen is distended for reasons other than obesity.

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      • #4
        Its less about size and more about the shape usually. For example my soon-ex-husband looks pregnant. He has almost no muscle or fat on the ribs but has IBS so a more rounded stomach area.

        I would mention it to the manager in a "others could be far more offended" way.
        I am so SO glad I was not present for this. There would have been an unpleasant duct tape incident. - Joi

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        • #5
          I've had a full workup from my doctor this year, including testing for anemia, the thyroid, lactose intolerance, and all kinds of stuff. Everything is normal. I do have IBS so perhaps that is it.
          I mentioned it to a couple girls at the gym this morning. One girl has a similar body type so I may start working out with her. She has lost a lot of weight in her stomach.
          Thanks for the feedback! I feel much better today.

          Comment

          • #6
            I would guess that the way the waitress at your favorite restaurant brushed it off was due to her being embarrassed with what she said and trying to somehow make it about a word of mouth thing rather than your appearance. Still makes it impolite of her but I still would guess it was out of her realizing she had messed up rather than her not seeing anything wrong with what she said. I could be wrong, but just something to think about. Definitely still sucks to have people say that.
            "Man, having a conversation with you is like walking through a salvador dali painting." - Mac Hall

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            • #7
              I was going to say the same thing about the server. That was a very fast comeback in her attempt to make it seem like a rumour rather than anything else. The cashier obviously wasn't so quick on her feet. I suspect the server at your favourite restaurant has learned an embarrassing lesson; I personally wouldn't complain due to her attempt to rectify the situation. The cashier, however, needs someone to explain to her that it is NEVER a good idea to "assume" anything based on a person's appearance.

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              • #8
                In defense of your server, it may not have been a mistaken assumption on her part based upon her perception of your appearance; someone may have actually told her that, based upon THEIR assumptions. If not, the server played it off better than anyone I've ever seen.

                "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is                 Still A Customer."

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                • #9
                  I'm beginning to think we need some kind of PSA airing on TV or something:

                  Unless you can see an actual baby hanging out of the woman at that moment, say nothing that suggests you think she may be pregnant, may have ever been pregnant, may ever be pregnant, or has ever even gone so far as to have impure thoughts about a member of the opposite sex.

                  I honestly thought that was just common sense.
                  Drive it like it's a county car.

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                  • #10
                    Quoth Antisocial_Worker View Post
                    I'm beginning to think we need some kind of PSA airing on TV or something:

                    Unless you can see an actual baby hanging out of the woman at that moment, say nothing that suggests you think she may be pregnant, may have ever been pregnant, may ever be pregnant, or has ever even gone so far as to have impure thoughts about a member of the opposite sex.

                    I honestly thought that was just common sense.
                    That's hilarious!

                    It is common sense, Antisocial, but sometimes people just slip up and the words are out of their mouth before their brain kicks into gear. At that point you can't do much except try to do some really fancy footwork to try to repair the situation (as the server did and the cashier did not) and make a solemn vow that you will never, ever do that again.

                    Besides the baby hanging out of the woman, you are also excused if she's wearing one of those jumbo T-shirts imprinted with "Baby" and an arrow pointing to her abdomen.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Quoth Pixilated View Post
                      Besides the baby hanging out of the woman, you are also excused if she's wearing one of those jumbo T-shirts imprinted with "Baby" and an arrow pointing to her abdomen.
                      And if she's wearing one of those and she's not pregnant (and it's not April 1st), then it's her own dang fault.

                      Though to be honest, I've contemplated wearing my "Loading, please wait" maternity tee while very much not pregnant before. Part for trolling and partly to get more use out of the shirt since I didn't get it until I was preggers with my third.
                      "Enough expository banter. It's time we fight like men. And ladies. And ladies who dress like men. For Gilgamesh...IT'S MORPHING TIME!"
                      - Gilgamesh, Final Fantasy V

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Pixilated View Post
                        ... T-shirts imprinted ... and an arrow pointing...
                        How to sex those "I'm with Stupid" T-shirts:
                        Female: Arrow points to side.
                        Male: Arrow points down. (or up)
                        I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                        Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                        Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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                        • #13
                          If it happens again, just look at the person and ask "Are you trying to be insulting or are you just an idiot with absolutely no social skills?"

                          See, I have no qualms about making the person who has the audacity to make such an assumption squirm.

                          Except, of course, the time it was a 5 year old and he was trying to be sweet and wanted to pat my belly to say hello to the baby. That time I just explained to him that there wasn't a baby in there.
                          Don't wanna; not gonna.

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                          • #14
                            How long has the server known you? If it's been a while, it could just be she thought you were early in the pregnancy and not showing yet.
                            "I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask." - House

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                            • #15
                              Quoth Antisocial_Worker View Post
                              I'm beginning to think we need some kind of PSA airing on TV or something:

                              Unless you can see an actual baby hanging out of the woman at that moment, say nothing that suggests you think she may be pregnant, may have ever been pregnant, may ever be pregnant, or has ever even gone so far as to have impure thoughts about a member of the opposite sex.

                              I honestly thought that was just common sense.
                              Hilarious, but there are exceptions.

                              As Pixilated said, if they're wearing a shirt that announces to the world they are pregnant ("Future Phillies Fan" is one a coworker wore when she was pregnant).

                              Or if, ya know, they tell you themselves. That to me is when I'll ask when they're due. And believe it or not, as a bartender, I get a lot of eomen telling me they're pregnant. It may seem counterintuitive to some of you, but it usually goes something like this...

                              JESTER: "What can I get you to drink?"
                              GUY: "I'll have a Toasted Lager."
                              JESTER: "And for you, darlin'?"
                              GIRL: "Just a water."
                              JESTER: (raises a skeptical eyebrow)
                              GIRL: "I'm pregnant."
                              JESTER: "And THAT is the only excuse I'll accept! One hydrogen oxide martini, coming up!"

                              "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is                               Still A Customer."

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