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Psychologist thinks I have PTSD after just one session and I think she is right

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  • Psychologist thinks I have PTSD after just one session and I think she is right

    Not sure how long this will be, but I need to get some things off my mind and out into the universe.

    Today I had my first session with a psychologist since I was 16. I'm now 33. This year has been an absolute nightmare of a year. I made this appointment 5 weeks ago with the assistance of my doctor. I had the 5th major breakdown and just couldn't see a way out and didn't want to keep going the way I was.

    I started online uni in February and have had 5 major breakdowns since then. I have failed all of my classes and am currently in the process of un-enrolling/dropping out due to mental health issues. At the moment, the student services team is trying to work out if I can re-enroll on a part time basis next year under the HELP Fees or if I will need to pay upfront. (HELP Fees are like student loans, but you pay it back to the federal government through payroll deductions and any tax refunds you would have received.)

    Since my first class, I have been having panic attacks, nightmares and flash backs to my school years. I have also had a number of blackouts. Some only lasted a few hours, but I have lots several full days and one full week. I can't remember what happens in all of the nightmares, but I wake up with the same feeling of panic and dread that I did back at school. Just the thought of logging onto my class page gives me panic attacks. Having to post/reply to group discussions can take me hours but most of my classes had a requirement to post at least 8 times including at least 3 new threads and responding on the rest.

    I know I've posted on here a number of times about how bad it was for me at both primary and high school. Between the students and the teachers, I was constantly targeted. I don't like remembering specific events because it hurts and I spent so many years not being believed. But I think I talked about being choked by a classmate while the sports teacher stood by and did nothing. My sister had to drag the girl off me while I was turning blue. This was in grade one, so 6 or 7 years old. The school did nothing and she left part way through the next year.

    Then that same girl ended up at my high school. During a new student and parent night, we discovered that she was going to be at my high school. At the end of the evening, my parents and I spoke to the school about the situation and requested that she never be in the same class as me. First day of year 7 and guess who is in my class? I'll give you one guess because you should't need more than that. If you guessed her, you'd be right. She then tried to make my life hell all over again.

    Talking about it today with Tina, she was amazed that I have been able to make it this far in life. Frankly so am I considering how long I was depressed and suicidal during my school years. I only started getting better after I finished year 12 (end of high school).

    Tina wants to have another session before we start working out treatment plans, but she said something today that really made sense to me. She believes that I am suffering from PTSD due to the bullying and abuse that I went through. She also thinks that my trust and control issues come from the same place. My depression, which I have battled with since I was 8, was mostly under control until the last few years. But given I quit 2 of my last 3 jobs due to toxic workplaces, she thinks it might have played a part in that too, either through a worsening of the depression or bringing back the same trapped feelings from school years.

    So she is hoping to fit me in before xmas if anyone cancels an appointment. If not, my next appointment will be in the second last week of Jan and then at least once a month until I start feeling better or have got a good plan in place.

    Now I just need to figure out how to explain to my parents that I have had to quit uni due to the shit that I went trough during school. I know they are so proud that I want to get a degree. And they spent years blaming themselves for what I went through. I don't blame them at all, never did, there was literally nothing that they could have done differently. Even changing schools would not have helped because there was none that didn't have any kids that I didn't know. And I was safer at my all girls high school after several boys threatened to kill me in grade 6. (Again teachers didn't believe me.)

    How the hell do I tell them? I know they will support me and try to understand. But how do you tell your parents that their little girl doesn't just have depression, she also has PTSD?
    A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read. - Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

  • #2
    Quoth Blue Ginger View Post
    ... But how do you tell your parents that their little girl doesn't just have depression, she also has PTSD?
    From your description of your parents i'll guess that their reaction will be...

    You are, always were, and always will be *our* little girl.

    We enjoy your efforts and your successes. We grieve with your missteps and failures.

    However, our true joy is that you *ARE*!

    And their reaction to the PTSD may be, "We wondered." or, "We wondered when you'd recognize it."
    Last edited by dalesys; 12-13-2017, 01:39 PM. Reason: added a line
    I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
    Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
    Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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    • #3
      I know it can be hard to tell your parents stuff like that, especially if there's a chance they will ask questions about what may have caused it. But you've got this - you were strong enough to seek an answer for what was going on, and that is often the biggest battle to fight. And you won that battle!

      I have C-PTSD so I understand how much PTSD can affect a person, even years later. And I know how it ties in with anxiety and depression all too well. It can be a long road to recovery, but I know you've got it in you to see this through.

      I don't have any real recommendations to help between visits with your psychologist because everybody deals with things differently, but I will suggest that when you feel yourself starting to react to a situation that you try to figure out what it is about the situation you are reacting to, and then remind yourself of the positive differences of your current situation in the hopes that it will either stop or dull your reaction.

      Good luck on your journey of healing. You've got this

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      • #4
        You might also consider a lawsuit against the school district.

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        • #5
          You might want to phrase it a bit differently. Don't say "I quit" ... say "At the moment it's not working out for me, but I'm very hopeful of going back next year."
          Customer service: More efficient than a Dementor's kiss
          ~ Mr Hero

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          • #6
            Quoth Mental_Mouse View Post
            You might also consider a lawsuit against the school district.
            I would love to sue both schools. I would also go after specific teachers, principals and students. Unfortunately the last court case where a victim went after the school for lack of action did not go very well at all. It was pretty much she said, he said but with the teachers and school all supporting each other and denying what happened. The victim won, but it wasn't a clear win and the compensation was only just above their court costs.

            If I was to sue, I would struggle to come up with specific incidents beyond the being choked in primary school and two physical fights in high school. Then there was a teacher in grade 4 calling me a 'spoilt little bitch', digging her claws into my wrist so hard the nail marks were still there 3 hours later and then locking me in the reading room (a room off our classroom that small groups used for reading out loud to parents or teachers). Or when the priest called me evil and said I had no soul because I argued that I was 8 and didn't have anything to confess for reconciliation (first confession before first communion in catholic church).

            Most of the abuse I got was verbal or stupid shit like being aimed at when I wasn't participating in various ball games during PE. I don't have dates for events or who said what. The only diary that I have is one I kept in year nine (14/15 years old) and I haven't looked at that in years because it is too painful. I don't think it has specifics but it does have how I was felling about things and it was written during the worst times.
            A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read. - Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

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