Not your face, not your concern

[rerant]

Sorry rerant, April and Vel, but I'm always going to be of the opinion in any situation, it's better to ask the question and become informed, rather than remaining ignorant. But there's still a right and wrong way to ask, and the askee doesn't have to answer.

And would you ask someone while they're working?
There is a time and place for everything and while someone is checking you through the register is neither.

[LizaMarie]

Today's Moral is:

Be polite!!

Seriously, it's one of the earliest lessons kids learn and also the cause of so many problems in society. How hard is it to just be polite?

As an aside, I've got 3 tattoos and the most common question I am asked when people see them is "How will you feel about that when you're old and saggy?" It's usually asked in jest, but I figure once I am old enough to be wrinkly I will not really care that much about my appearance. When you're old you're not trying to impress anyone with looks anyway, who cares about a wrinkly tattoo? I think the same applies to gauges and other mods.

[rerant]

As an aside, I've got 3 tattoos and the most common question I am asked when people see them is "How will you feel about that when you're old and saggy?"

I recently worked a promotion at the Canadian National Exhibition, and while walking around one day I saw a woman who had to be about 70 on a scooter with a full sleeve tattoo.
I turned to the girl I was working with (who is now a friend) and said, "See. THAT is what I'm going to do when I'm older! YOU GO NANA!"

So yes, when people ask me how I'm going to feel about my tattoos when I'm older I just think of the rockin' scooter Nana.

Ultimately I think that some people tend to forget that the majority of us who make these modifications have already taken our old age into consideration, and have gone through with the mods with the understanding and acceptance that they are life-long choices.

So I reiterate a point from my original post:
Q: What are you going to do when you're 65?
A: Retire. (edit) With all of my tattoos still lovingly in tact. More or less .

[Ree]

There is a time and place for everything and while someone is checking you through the register is neither.

I still fail to see the issue, as long as a person is OK with questions and all the criteria for those questions, as discussed, has been met.

We always talk about customers who treat us as robots, automatically ringing through their orders, but not a human behind the uniform.
If customers are not being sucky or critical/mocking with their questions, and are genuinely interested, what is really so wrong with having a casual conversation along that line?

Then again, the wildest I ever got with piercing or body modification was to get my ears pierced, cover up my grey hair, and gain too much weight.
It's not like I have to deal with those types of questions on a daily basis.

[rerant]

I still fail to see the issue, as long as a person is OK with questions and all the criteria for those questions, as discussed, has been met.

But how do you know someone is OK with being asked those questions?
Since body modifications are often personal choices, a lot of people don't appreciate discussing them with strangers and find the questions intrusive.
Sure many people here don't seem to understand why someone may find such questions intrusive, but then again some people don't understand why pregnant women don't appreciate strangers touching their belly.
(obviously that's an invasion of personal space, but I'm using it as an example to show that some people don't understand where the line is, and are confused when they're told they've crossed it)
I agree that striking up a conversation is a good thing, but I would much rather talk about the weather.

[LizaMarie]

I still fail to see the issue, as long as a person is OK with questions and all the criteria for those questions, as discussed, has been met.

I think the problem there comes with that fact that customers are generally in a position of power over clerks. Customers can get away with asking questions that may not be very PC because the cashiers can't retaliate as they may like to. Conversing with customers and treating each other as equals is a wonderful way to exist, but the reality is that cashiers, or customer service reps are paid to serve. It may be a job, and there's certainly nothing shameful about it, but socially it harks to feudalism.

Maybe that's a little extreme. But I hated being a cashier in because I felt like I could never defend myself and I was powerless not only in the face of customers, but management as well. Ugh. Don't work at Cumberland Farms kids.

[Tigress]

While I don't judge other peoples' mods, I really can't imagine getting a face full of peircings. Mostly because I'd be scared to death of them getting accidentally ripped out in taekwondo class.

As for tattoos, I keep in mind the wise words of Terry Foy: "Get some Silly Putty, put the design on it, then stretch it out. That's what it's going to look like in 50 years."

[Tria]

I'm 6'8 tall

I'm 5'3" and I hate you.

[Broomjockey]

I agree that striking up a conversation is a good thing, but I would much rather talk about the weather.

Sorry, but F*** the weather. That's the most useless annoying topic of conversation EVER. "Oh, it's so nice out." or "Cold enough for ya?" Sheesh. So, that's out. Can't talk about your bodmods, That's out. Can't talk about hair styles. That's out. Can't talk about clothing (usually person's in a uniform anyway). That's out. Can't ask about how someone's day is, that could be invading personal space too! And most people treat it as a social niciety anyway and just say fine. That's out. Got it. No talking to employees at all, as forcing my status as customer on them, getting them to talk, is abusive.

Because frankly, I'd felt that it was better to talk to someone while they were at work, as it could provide a distraction from the sometimes drudgery. If they're going about their business on personal time, I can't very well stop them for a quick question, because then I'm certainly imposing on them.

Well, now that I'm all clear on this subject, all I've got to say is: " "

[Nekojin]

Well, considering that I know this person fairly well (I wouldn't call him a friend - we don't hang out, or anything like that - but we know each other well enough that he knows my name, and recognizes me on sight), most body mods I see nowadays are pretty yawn-worthy, unless it's incredibly artistic.

[LizaMarie]

No talking to employees at all, as forcing my status as customer on them, getting them to talk, is abusive.

Because frankly, I'd felt that it was better to talk to someone while they were at work, as it could provide a distraction from the sometimes drudgery. If they're going about their business on personal time, I can't very well stop them for a quick question, because then I'm certainly imposing on them.

That's not what I meant. I was only referring to customers who use the fact that cashiers can't fight back or defend themselves as an excuse to pose potentially rude questions. And sometimes you gotta talk about the weather, though lately even that can be controversial with global warming issues bubbling underneath every "Boy, sure is hot out!"

[rerant]

Sorry, but F*** the weather. That's the most useless annoying topic of conversation EVER.

I think you're being a tad dramatic here.
Did you notice where I said:

"And to whoever it was who mentioned the tone customers use when asking me these questions, I can sum 90% of it up with one word: condescending.
Another reason why this bothers me, and admittedly something I probably should have tossed in the post, but yeah..."

Now no one is saying you're not allowed to talk to employees, or that, "as forcing my status as customer on them, getting them to talk, is abusive." Come on now.
What I'm saying is that there is a line between what is and is not an appropriate topic of conversation for work, and I personally believe that asking questions like that (especially considering HOW they're asked - as stated in the bit I quoted from my earlier reply) is not one of those that are appropriate.
I have every right to be bothered by the fact that people ask me these things, and I'm sorry if I don't buy the, "well you're inviting these kinds of questions simply by having the mods," argument.
That to me is like saying a woman who dresses provocatively is "asking for it" when she's sexually harassed, or worse.

[GingerBiscuit]

I have come to accept that if I get my planned mods people are going to be curious. But I can promise you all this, they aren't to get attention, although that will obviously be a side-effect, but to get me closer to the me I feel like. It's hard to explain, but It's kind of... transformation into who you feel yourself to be.
The attention is just a side-effect. My work means no facial piercings or visible tattoos, but when my Ultimate Plan is in effect I will be getting a good few tats on top of my planned back tattoo.

Those of us who look different in our day to day life usually accept we are going to be stared at, have ignorant comments or stupid questions. That's fine, for me, I can expect it. Doesn't mean I have to like it, or be nice to the people who do it.
Doesn't mean that sometimes you don't get massively fed up of it.
Most comments are not thoughtful, interested queries. I am happy to answer those, and most people with mods I've met have been as well. Just the other day I spoke to a girl about her tattoo, and because I was actually interested in the WORK, rather than the stupid questions she probably gets asked all the time, she was really happy to chat to me for a couple of minutes.
Most comments are 'Huuuh, lets try and make the freak feel stooopid'.

[BaristaGirl]

*First paragraph explains my unusual body piercing, has the potential to weird you out.*

I have something called a microdermal. It's a piercing with one point of entry, located on the upper part of my right cheek, beneath my eye, and out to the side. All you see is a little gem there, but in reality there is a bar underneath my skin holding it in. You can get them anywhere on your body, but I got one in that specific location to 'replace' an anti-eyebrow piercing that rejected. (*Heartbroken!*)

I have to wear a bandaid at work, both jobs, to cover it. (Which, in reality, draws more attention to it, dumbass corporate, but that's another rant.) I get my fair share of "Why do you have a bandaid there?" and I love answering the question/talking about it to people who ask the right way. If there is no line, if I don't look busy, and if you're curious, then feel free to ask.

It annoys me when people react badly to my explanation. But I can get over that, largely because of my personality type. I can deal with their disapproval and morbid curiousity because at the end of the day I love my microdermal, because it has improved the way I look significantly (to me) and helps me feel more like -me- in my skin. I hate the people who ask about it rudely, expecting it to be some kind of coffee burn or scratch. I hate when people get outright offended. It's like, look, buddy, YOU asked, and all it is is a very tiny, adorable jewel, it's just that the way it's in there is rather unconventional. Don't tell me about how you'd NEVER do something like that or you'd DISOWN your child if they ever did.

I also have significantly unusual ear piercings, (and more to come, planning to add another rook and a conch to my rook on the left and my right ear is done with an industrial bar and a daith,) that I'm also usually more than happy to discuss with folks who don't seem to be upset by the topic.

I feel that I answer the questions of my own volition, to educate others and to discuss something I love. I don't think I'd ever turn away conversation about my piercings or tats. But at the same time, I wholeheartedly agree with everybody preaching that it's my face/body, leave it be. I do consider it rude to ask, even though my reaction may tell people otherwise. I have a bandaid here for work, period, end of story. If I didn't, you'd think I had stuck a gem on with eyelash glue. None of these inhibit my ability to smile politely while I get you your drink or seat you at your table. Your offended/rude reaction, however, does inhibit my ability to see you as someone worth being nice to. I answer because you probably don't know that it's rude to ask and I'm generally an easy girl to get along with. I'm grateful for this thing in my face every day, thank you very much. Don't like it? Easy; DON'T GET ONE. You want to know if I can get it removed? Maybe I don't feel like answering that. You're curious or interested, in a polite way? I hand out my piercer's card all the time to people who like his work. (He rocks forever. I have such a girlcrush on him.) Call him, he has all the answers. Me, I just want to have a little sparkle in my life. ^.^

[BookstoreEscapee]

I have to wear a bandaid at work, both jobs, to cover it.

I also have significantly unusual ear piercings, (and more to come, planning to add another rook and a conch to my rook on the left and my right ear is done with an industrial bar and a daith,) that I'm also usually more than happy to discuss with folks who don't seem to be upset by the topic.

So, wait, you can have all the piercings you want as long as they're in your ears, but you have to cover up one tiny sparkle on your face? To be honest, I don't know what all the ear piercings are, exactly, but I'm guessing they are more noticeable than a little jewel on your cheek...

What about people who wear nose studs as a cultural thing (I'm thinking like Indian women who wear tiny diamonds)? Would they have to cover those up, too?