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Wherein I call out a customer on a lie.

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  • Wherein I call out a customer on a lie.

    I have a lot of meetings online. The customers go to our website and can schedule the meetings whenever they are available. It is a great system. Until recently it was Idiot proof. Then the gene pool produced a stringer idiot. Here is a phone call I just had with a customer:

    Customer: Hey, I want to have a [X meeting] with you.

    Me: Ok, you can just head to our website and schedule it yourself.

    Customer: I tried that, it is too complicated. Can you just schedule it?

    Me: well, since I don’t know when you are available, how about I walk you thru scheduling one.

    Customer: FINE. (in a not too pleased voice). Ok, I'm on your site.

    Me: Ok, see that 2"x3" link that says [X meeting]? Click on it.

    Customer: ok, this is where I got stuck earlier.

    Me: Ok. You see that on this page there are 4 choices. [Schedule a new session], [change an existing session], [Delete a session], [Add attendees to an existing session].

    Customer: I see those, but which one do I want.

    Me:.......(blank stare waiting for the lightbulb to glimmer)....well.....which would you guess?

    Customer: well......umm......(this was seriously stressing their mental capacity)....probably.....schedule a new session? Is that right?

    Me: well, it does sound like the right one. Why not give it a try.

    Customer: ok. I clicked it. Now there is only one button. It says [Select a date]. What do I do?

    Me: I would selecting that button.

    Customer: Ok....Oh, it brought up a calendar. What do I do now?

    Me: well, which day do you want to schedule for?

    Customer: Tomorrow.

    Me: then I bet clicking on tomorrow would be the way to go.

    Customer: Ok...now it says choose a time and there is a pull down.

    Me: well, then choose the time you want to have the meeting.

    Customer: Oh, that makes sense. (as if I just told them that water is wet). Ok, now it is asking for my name, e-mail, and phone number.

    Me: I think filling those in would be the way to go.

    Customer: Ok. I hit the Submit button. It is telling me that I have just scheduled a meeting for tomorrow at 3pm. Is that right?

    Me: well, did you choose the date for tomorrow, and the time as 3pm?

    Customer: yes.

    Me: then that is right.

    Customer: It says that you will give me a call tomorrow at the meeting time to start the meeting. Now what?

    Me: well, I would suggest waiting until tomorrow at 3pm.

    Customer: Oh...duh....well, this was a lot easier than I expected it would be.

    Me: You didn't really go on and try to schedule it before did you?

    Customer: well, I am not a programmer or anything, so I didn’t think I would be able to figure it out.

    Me (what I wanted to say) Yes, because MOST websites require you to be a programmer to operate the basic functions available on the site. In fact, we wrote our entire site in Binary just to make it more fun. Oh, and you have to log into a BBS to access it. The password is found simply by accessing our IRC channel to get the directions, then following a 13 step treasure map and digging up a mayonnaise jar in my backyard that contains the password written on punch cards encoded with a 128 bit encryption. Oh, and the website can only be viewed using a genuine 1984 Super Secret Decoder Ring that was provided with the 20oz box of Frosted Flakes.

  • #2
    Quoth bob the goat View Post
    genuine 1984 Super Secret Decoder Ring that was provided with the 20oz box of Frosted Flakes.
    Don't forget to... drink your Ovaltine...? A commercial?
    "I call murder on that!"

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    • #3
      Customer: well, I am not a programmer or anything, so I didn’t think I would be able to figure it out.
      Can you imagine this guy with his gf? "I'm not a woman, so I don't have the slightest idea where to stick my ****."
      Time! Time! Time is what turns kittens into cats.

      Don't teach me a lesson; all I learn is that you are an asshole.

      I wish porn had subtitles.

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      • #4
        And when your done with your ovaltine go shoot your eye out with your new red ryder BB gun

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth Chanlin View Post
          And when your done with your ovaltine go shoot your eye out with your new red ryder BB gun
          And while you're at it, let Scutt Farkus kick you around the yard a few times.
          "Eventually, everything that you have said becomes everything you will ever say." Eireann

          My pony dolls: http://equestriarags.tumblr.com

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth Chanlin View Post
            And when your done with your ovaltine go shoot your eye out with your new red ryder BB gun
            And have Christmas Dinner at the local Chinese resturant b/c the neighbor's dogs barged into the kitchen and ate the turkey

            And don't forget the pink bunny outfit.
            Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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            • #7
              Quoth DGoddessChardonnay View Post
              And have Christmas Dinner at the local Chinese resturant b/c the neighbor's dogs barged into the kitchen and ate the turkey

              And don't forget the pink bunny outfit.
              And give that frozen pole a good licking.
              "Eventually, everything that you have said becomes everything you will ever say." Eireann

              My pony dolls: http://equestriarags.tumblr.com

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth bob the goat View Post
                Binary

                All I can say is: 01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01100001 01101110 00100000 01101001 01100100 01101001 01101111 01110100 00101110
                You don't know what Hades is until you've worked at least one Christmas Season in a toy store that offers free gift wrapping.

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                • #9
                  01001001 00100000 01100001 01100111 01110010 01100101 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01110000 01101100 01100101 01110100 01100101 01101100 01111001 00101110

                  Pit bull-

                  There is no breed of dog more in need of our compassion; in need of our call to arms on their behalf; and in need of what should be the full force of our enduring sanctuary.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Wait, water is wet? Damn, well that explains a lot!!
                    I don't go in for ancient wisdom
                    I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
                    It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth JoitheArtist View Post
                      And give that frozen pole a good licking.
                      And say "Oh, fudge" when your dad , while changing a flat tire, knocks the car hubcap out of your hands that held the lugnuts.

                      Except you didn't say "fudge" You said THE word instead.

                      And once you get home, spend the rest of your evening dining on soap.
                      Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                      "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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                      • #12
                        Quoth bob the goat View Post
                        In fact, we wrote our entire site in Binary just to make it more fun.
                        And the code is in Brainf**k ? Or did you feel like being a jerk and went all the way coding it in Whitespace ?
                        "I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."

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                        • #13
                          fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra
                          I don't have an anger problem! I have an idiot problem!-Hank Hill

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            He wins the idiot prize....the Leg Lamp! Quick, someone use up all the glue....
                            "Eventually, everything that you have said becomes everything you will ever say." Eireann

                            My pony dolls: http://equestriarags.tumblr.com

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth JoitheArtist View Post
                              He wins the idiot prize....the Leg Lamp! Quick, someone use up all the glue....
                              Ok, I did. And I did it on purpose!

                              Comment

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