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  • The Sandwich

    Spotted in a free daily "coffee time" type publication.

    As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection.

    A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.


    "Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son), while I get my sandwich," she said.

    I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. And I had no napkin.

    I licked it off.

    It was not mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster.

    It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding.

    With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.

    Later my wife said, "Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon'."
    Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

  • #2
    Oh, ewww!!
    I don't go in for ancient wisdom
    I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
    It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

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    • #3
      musTURD!
      "All I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who out-drew ya"

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      • #4
        He's a new parent, when little Johnny is six months instead of six weeks he'll just spit and go on eating. No need of overreacting .

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