This is NOT an instant cash loan

[bankworking]

Home loans have regulations.

One is initial disclosures. Customer applies, you have 3 business days to get them initial disclosures, (preferably they are handed right to the customer, or viewed online, but phone applications have to have them mailed or emailed).

Then you cannot complete the loan for 7 business days after those disclosures are given. Seriously. I could have everything I need day 1, and I still have to wait those 7 business days.

If it is an installment loan, I have to send out a Closing Disclosure once everything is ready to go, with final details on it, at least 3 business days prior to the closing appointment (if emailed) and 6 business days prior if mailed.

AFTER you sign home equity paperwork, you get an additional 3 business day rescission (right to cancel). And that ends at midnight on the third business day, so you aren't getting your money until the next morning we open.

Christmas is not a business day.

New Year's is not a business day.

Sundays are not business days.

So, no, you will not be getting your loan within a week of applying.

No it does not matter if you talk to my manager.

Yes, I will expedite to TRY to get you closed the earliest day legally possible. You don't need an appraisal, but be warned, this is contingent on you getting your proof of income and home insurance to me, and there being No Title Search Issues.

And you yelling at me because I didn't reply to your email within two hours makes absolutely no sense. I am already making you a priority, but what time I view your email (I have 50 in front of you) makes absolutely NO difference to how quickly I can get you done with. Not when we are only 3 business days in from initial application.

And no, you looking up the rules on rescission periods online and "wanting" the funds early does not constitute a bona fide emergency that would allow us to let you waive your right to cancel. Frankly, I couldn't even tell you what constitutes a bona fide emergency, because management has only approved one ONCE, and that was half because my co-worker messed up and quoted the wrong date, which is what caused the emergency in the first place.

*sigh* I swear, there are only 2 customers types. Those who think they should be able to get a home loan yesterday, and those who drag their heels for weeks on getting me the last thing I need, trying to ruin my turn times (I have a 25 day average turn-time performance goal).

[earl colby pottinger]

Which is it

The reason I can think of why they want the loan so fast.

1) They are just plain stupid and do not understand the idea behind "Business Days".

2) They did a lot of Christmas shopping on high interest credit cards, and now have just calculated what they will have to pay each just to keep up, much less pay off the cards.

3)They are involved in something that they need the money for very soon but waited to the last minute to get the loan. PS, they knew they would need the money 6 months ago but thought a loan just require they walk into a bank and walk out the same day with the money.

PSS. I got money from the bank that fast, but it had been pre-arranged by the bank and they sent me notices for months that I was pre-approved so I assume they did all the searches already on my mortgage free house.

[bankworking]

3)They are involved in something that they need the money for very soon but waited to the last minute to get the loan. PS, they knew they would need the money 6 months ago but thought a loan just require they walk into a bank and walk out the same day with the money.

This guy was number 3. Knew he needed the money, but waited to apply. Possibly shopped first, though there weren't any other inquires on his credit.

And yes, the final step can go very quickly, if disclosure requirements are already met. IF. And not all banks require title searches, especially on free and clear homes. Which is probably why we keep finding title problems that other places missed. Not certain how your bank would have gotten around the 3-business day right to cancel, though. There are exceptions for it (purchases don't require the wait), but I have to deal with it every single loan. Else they took the risk and gave you the money while you still had a legal right to cancel.

[Buzzard]

Shopping is fine and all, but eventually, one has to ... oh, I dunno, START THE EFFING PAPERWORK

But that's not HIS problem. He filled out the paperwork (eventually), so it's just the slow bank workers holding up his money. It couldn't ever possibly be HIS screwup.
On that note: "Is my money ready yet?" "How about now?" "Is it done yet?" "How about now" *Insert rant/rage about delays* "Is my money ready yet?"

For this one, I won't sell you an in-humanely altered cattle prod. I'll flat-out GIVE you one, Bankworking. Enjoy.

[dalesys]

...For this one, I won't sell you an in-humanely altered cattle prod. I'll flat-out GIVE you one, Bankworking. Enjoy.

Perhaps we could install a Jacob's Ladder across the doorway with a switch at BW's desk?


Naah... Too risky. I doubt one could be built that would both function and have the current limited to safe levels.

[Mental_Mouse]

3)They are involved in something that they need the money for very soon but waited to the last minute to get the loan.

4) Vinny "the Gimp" is leaning on them to come up with the money yesterday.

[Ironclad Alibi]

4) Vinny "the Gimp" is leaning on them to come up with the money yesterday.

It's a medical emergency. If Vinny doesn't get the cash, they get a broken leg.

[Sparklyturtle]

I once saw a record copy request come out of the fax. The person wanted their medical records faxed to [number]. I gave the request to the office who handled that type of request, as I was required to do. About 20 minutes later another fax emerges; it's the same person wanting to know when they can expect their records to be faxed. The exact statement was, "I've been waiting here, and no records are being faxed. When can I expect them to be faxed?"

[Argabarga]

Hey, it is an instantaneous loan...

on a GEOLOGICAL time scale!

Engineers answer... technically correct, but also useless and infuriating.

[Minflick]

I once saw a record copy request come out of the fax. The person wanted their medical records faxed to [number]. I gave the request to the office who handled that type of request, as I was required to do. About 20 minutes later another fax emerges; it's the same person wanting to know when they can expect their records to be faxed. The exact statement was, "I've been waiting here, and no records are being faxed. When can I expect them to be faxed?"

Even if the records are digital, that doesn't they get found instantly. People give incorrect info to find the file, people on the sending side have other things with higher priority to do. And God help you if the records haven't been converted to digital. Finding that shit could take weeks, if only because it's in another county where storage is cheaper!

[Argabarga]

I'd have had some fun and faxed her back - "Lady, you're lucky to get the COPS in 20 minutes, let alone your pwecious papers."