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A morning of stupidity, fun and pure unadulteraded SC

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  • A morning of stupidity, fun and pure unadulteraded SC

    A good day, all in all. Not so much SC as Frakking SC to the point of funny. Silly people and their so-called rights of customers. :P

    The entertainer!

    We're across from a bar. Ever suck your face into a glass as a kid? Ever see a drunk try to do that with a really thin Carlings glass?

    Bellyache? Peptol bismol? Tums? For weaklings!

    Here we drink solutionized baking soda! Yes, folks! Genius number one tried to drink a drink mixed with baking soda! Pure unadulterated baking soda in a glass of water.

    Now, for anyone who has tried this, or tasted baking soda, it is NAAAASTY. (I did the latter.) and this genius? Drank, gagged, manned up and drunk the rest... And then began to paint the nearby garbage can interior green and milky white.

    Wherein my tongue rebels against speech!

    Me: "Can I help you?"
    SC: "Bluwugh? Uuhhhhhhhhhh.... Mrrr.... Mrh mrhm hrm hrm hrm hrm hrm..."

    Either this is a new version of Morse Cat that head office wasn't aware of and therefore neglected to give me the manual, or you're drunk off your keister. I'm willing to bet the latter, though I'm still gonna call head office about the translation manual.

    What's this about my work choice?

    SC: You're just working so you can stare at girls and F**k teenagers, aren't you, you prick!

    Seriously, sometimes I think that's what a lot of people are here to do, or at least come here to do, till they realize the fare is akin to beef jerky when they expect Fillet Mignon. I'd rather sleep with a juiced up polecat than tangle with some of my regulars.

    Oh, and thanks for the comment. Now filing you with the people who are never going to be served again. Next!

    Bwuh?

    C: "I need a pack of condoms that speak "Lady killer".

    It's called sandpaper, and if you want my advice, try it on yourself first. I hear the 60 grit is really soothing when you tickle your prostate with it.

    Speaking of sandpaper...

    SC: "I need something abrasive to scratch my tickets with.
    Me: "I can lend you a penny-"
    SC: "No! Abrasive! A-b-r-a-s-i-v-e. Do you understand english?

    What a poignant character. A request to you good sir to stick your rather verbose bonce up a duck's bottom and be on your way? Delightful. Next!

    Sightings: The drooler.

    Now, we've had a few customers who breathe through their pieholes, but this one takes the proverbial cake. Mouth open like he just saw a nude Judge Judy dancing the can-can and drooling down his front. Not the drip drip drool, but a looooong string of sticky saliva. Slug-worthy here buys scratchtickets and every time he exhales the string vibrates.

    eeeeugh. *Wince Wince* Sir, please, your tonsils have aired enough!

    That's all for now folks! It was an eventful morning.
    Go for the eyes!

  • #2
    Quoth ackmeow View Post
    Bellyache? Peptol bismol? Tums? For weaklings!

    Here we drink solutionized baking soda! Yes, folks! Genius number one tried to drink a drink mixed with baking soda! Pure unadulterated baking soda in a glass of water.
    My grandfather used to do that. I always thought it was gross, but he claimed it worked just like Alka Seltzer.

    C: "I need a pack of condoms that speak "Lady killer".

    It's called sandpaper, and if you want my advice, try it on yourself first. I hear the 60 grit is really soothing when you tickle your prostate with it.
    Good thing I was observing Rule #1.

    Speaking of sandpaper...

    SC: "I need something abrasive to scratch my tickets with.
    Me: "I can lend you a penny-"
    SC: "No! Abrasive! A-b-r-a-s-i-v-e. Do you understand english?
    See topic above under "Sandpaper".
    When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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    • #3
      I have to tell you that if you have really bad heartburn a LITTLE BIT of baking soda mixed in water will stop it immediately. An old home remedy but not to be used too often because of the sodium content. Have you ever seen what happens when you mix vinegar and baking soda? Does the same with excess stomach acid, bubbles a bit, one big burp, and heartburn is gone. Just gotta drink it fast so you do not taste it too much.

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      • #4
        Quoth ackmeow View Post
        SC: "I need something abrasive to scratch my tickets with.
        Me: "I can lend you a penny-"
        SC: "No! Abrasive! A-b-r-a-s-i-v-e. Do you understand english?
        [OT] Since Canada in getting rid of their penny, whatever will Canadians use to scratch off their lottery tickets? [/OT]
        "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

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        • #5
          ... Quarters work better than pennies for scratch-off stuff. They have the serrated edge.

          Baking soda solution -- yeah, just like alka-seltzer. Drink a little in a shot glass of warm water for heartburn or indigestion. If I have an upset stomach I'll drink that and it'll either settle things down or make me, er, paint a garbage can. Either way I feel better. :P

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          • #6
            Chiming in as another that uses baking soda solution. Before my cousin an her family moved in with me it was rare that I actually had an antacid in the house, but I always had baking soda.

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth ackmeow View Post
              ...a nude Judge Judy dancing the can-can...
              Gah! Curse your vivid descriptive powers and my active imagination! I have to try to go to work now and NOT have that image in my head.
              I suspect that... inside every adult (sometimes not very far inside) is a bratty kid who wants everything his own way.
              - Bill Watterson

              My co-workers: They're there when they need me.
              - IPF

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              • #8
                Quoth ackmeow View Post
                Speaking of sandpaper...

                SC: "I need something abrasive to scratch my tickets with.
                Me: "I can lend you a penny-"
                SC: "No! Abrasive! A-b-r-a-s-i-v-e. Do you understand english?

                What a poignant character. A request to you good sir to stick your rather verbose bonce up a duck's bottom and be on your way? Delightful. Next!
                Me: "Just use your personality"
                Life is too short to not eat popcorn.
                Save the Ales!
                Toys for Tots at Rooster's Cafe

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth HawaiianShirts View Post
                  Gah! Curse your vivid descriptive powers and my active imagination! I have to try to go to work now and NOT have that image in my head.
                  Try sleeping with that image in your head.

                  Even more frightening would be to imagine Judge Judy posing naked on the cover of Modern Maturity.
                  Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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                  • #10
                    Quoth DGoddessChardonnay View Post
                    ...Judge Judy posing naked on the cover of Modern Maturity.
                    DGoddessChardonnay said it... we know who to glare at when (not if) it happens!

                    ...after all, to speak of a great horror is to summon it.
                    Last edited by dalesys; 04-09-2012, 10:20 PM.
                    I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                    Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                    Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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                    • #11
                      I've used bicarbonate of soda as an antacid, but only as a last resort. Tums are calcium carbonate, so they react with your stomach acid to make carbon dioxide and a variety of calcium salts. Calcium is good! Sodium bicarbonate makes carbon dioxide and sodium salts. I have high blood pressure, so sodium is bad for me. And it tastes nasty. But if you don't have tums, and the tummy is roiling, then bicarb and water will do the trick.
                      "Them boys ain't zombies! They're just stupid!"

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                      • #12
                        Quoth ackmeow View Post
                        like he just saw a nude Judge Judy dancing the can-can
                        Thank you for that lovely mental image.
                        "Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages." - Terry Pratchett
                        Emissary of Minong - my blog and its Facebook page

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