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The IRS Would Like a Word with You...
My coworker had an interesting experience last week. She waited on a table, and when she went to pick up the check to cash them out, she realized there wasn't enough money in the check presenter to cover the bill (let alone leaving her any tip). She returned to the table and very politely explained to them that they had not left enough money to cover the bill. The guy's response to this?
"I don't pay taxes."
Ex-cuse me? Say what? YOU don't pay taxes. Well, that's just great, buddy, way to make a stand. One small problem: you don't have a fucking choice. Yeah, you can decide not to pay income tax, I suppose, and things could get very interesting for you down the road. But you have no choice when it comes to sales tax. It's part of the bill. We as a business have no choice but to charge the sales tax, as we as a business have no choice but to pay it. It's not optional. It's part of the bill. If you just purchased a meal, the bill is the amount of the meal plus the appropriate sales tax. Period, end of story, thank you, buh bye!
All of which my coworker and the manager explained to the customer, far more politely than I just phrased it. In the end, he paid the entire bill, sales tax too. He was very angry at that point, but he paid. Naturally, he didn't tip my coworker one damn cent, but at that point, she was happy just to get him the hell out of the building.
"I don't pay taxes." Yeah, well fuck you. Go make your political stand somewhere else.
We're All Adults Here...and So's the Language
So my buddy Popcorn and I were out at a sports bar, watching a basketball game that both of us were very interested in, as he was a fan of one team, and I was a fan of the other. It being a sports bar, and us being guys full of testosterone, watching a sporting event, and filling ourselves with beer (and shots), we were getting a bit vocal. You know...standard sports bar behavior.
Well, right around the corner of the bar from us were an older couple. The wife was dressed in a rather fancy pants suit; very un-Key Westy. Odd, but no biggie. But then at one point, when a play went against Popcorn's team, he unleashed an expletive-filled exclamation, which included everyone's favorite f-word. To which the woman pointedly said, "Nice mouth."
POPCORN: "Excuse me?"
WOMAN: "Nice mouth."
POPCORN: "Where are you from?"
WOMAN: "Why?"
POPCORN: "Because when I come up to from wherever the hell you're from on vacation, you can tell me how to talk. But right now you're in my town. So shut the hell up."
At which point I'm trying not to laugh my ass off. I can see the husband is getting angry, and considering coming over and kicking Popcorn's ass. Which would have been hilarious, since he was in his sixties or so, and Popcorn is about 6'4" and 240 lbs. Things likely would not have gone well for the old man.
But the woman wouldn't let up.
WOMAN: "I have children your age, and they NEVER use that word!"
MY BRAIN: "Maybe not in FRONT of you, but they use it, lady." I didn't say this out loud, though. Because then things got...strange.
Popcorn, who had been drinking since noon (the game started at 7 pm), went over to the old couple to apologize. Why, I don't know. Other than his last nasty comment, I didn't really see the problem. It's a fucking sports bar. And you're sitting at the bar.
But anyway, he went over there and apologized, and go into an involved conversation with the woman. Me, I only half paid attention to that, as I was still intently watching the game that we had made a point of watching together. But I did catch the end of the convo, where Popcorn promised that he would "never use that word again!" Yes, he was serious. I just laughed. When he took his seat next to me, I just said, "Dude, not only will that not last the night, it won't even last the half." I was right. It didn't. But to his credit, he only used the f-word three times in that half. Which for him is restraint.
This should have been the end of it. But it wasn't. A little bit later, I myself yelled out that fun-filled word when a play didn't go my team's way.
WOMAN: "That's not very nice."
ME: "I never said I was nice."
And I went right back to watching the game. And the guys next to me who had been watching this whole thing play out just laughed their asses off, though the woman didn't seem too happy with me. But no muss, no fuss, no vicious comments to the couple, nor apologies for my comment. And that WAS the end of that.
Because, you know, it's a fucking sports bar.
Can You Hear Me Now?
Key West gets a lot of cruise ships in, pretty much on a daily basis. As The Bar is not far from where the majority of them dock, we get a decent amount of traffic from them, from both the passengers and the staff. I have some regulars on Thursdays that are staff on one such boat. They are great. But this story is not about them. Because I also have another regular, who comes in every other Monday, when his ship is in port. And he's....not great.
All he ever buys is a coke, he gets a refill or two, and he pays for it, never tipping. And he sits at one of the bar tables for two hours, using our wi-fi and talking loudly on his little blue tooth headset thingy for his phone. And I mean LOUDLY. To the point where a couple of Mondays ago, I actually had some customers who were sitting at the bar near his table move a bit down the bar to get away from his overly loud end of the conversation.
And then, this last Monday, the same thing happened. Empty bar, just one couple sitting at that end of the bar, and this really loud guy at a table behind them, yammering away to whoever the hell he was talking to. So, they moved a few seats down. I had had enough of this, and wanted to say something to the guy, but wanted to clear it with management first. So I went over to the GM, who was the MOD that day, and explained the situation, and asked if I could tell the guy to keep it down, since he was bothering other customers. My GM said it was no problem. I was going to wait till the guy was off the phone, but my GM had other ideas, and after a few minutes of watching this yahoo continue prattling on, decided to take care of this problem himself.
My GM, a big guy with a big beard and lots of tattoos and piercings, who looks like he should be a roadie for ZZ Top, walks up to the guy while he is still talking loudly and flat out interrupts him. "Look, pal, I have no problem with you coming in here, only ordering a soda, and using our wi-fi for free, but I've gotten several complaints about the tone of your voice, so you either need to keep it down, or find some other place to take advantage of."
And that, as they say, was the end of that. The guy continued to work on his laptop and talk on the phone, but very, very quietly.
As I've said before, I LOVE my job!
They're Almost Like Real People, Only Without the Personalities
Yesterday it was pretty quiet in the bar, and I happened to notice a group of three come in and get seated in the dining room. And almost immediately, saw their server bringing out food to them, before she had even gotten a drink order. This seemed odd. I asked my GM about it, and he rolled his eyes, and explained to me that they had called ahead to place their order, but they were going to eat it at the restaurant. Were they in a hurry? Because I could see that. Nope. They weren't. According to my GM, they are just assholes, who call ahead to place their order, insisting that they "don't want any of that imitation shrimp crap," (all our shrimp is real, honest-to-goodness shrimp), and they don't want any of this or that imitation garbage (none of which we actually use), etc, etc. And they wanted their meals with Fish A, but prepared in the style of Fish B. And no sauce, because they didn't want any of "that imitation crap." I should point out that our sauces are made from scratch, and don't use any imitation or fake stuff. Also, according to my GM, not only is the guy who called a jackass, but the girl in the group is, to use his word, "a raging cunt." A word my GM never uses, by the way. But he had the displeasure of working with her at another establishment, and between her, the ringleader, and the other guy, it is clear my GM can't stand these people.
Well, the server brought out their meals, with no sauce, and their very first question was "Where's our sauce?" Not, "Oh, we wanted the sauce on the side," or, "Oh, could we have a side of the sauce?" No. Just a very nasty, "Where's our sauce?" Yes, the very sauce that they had asked to NOT have when they called in their order.
Also, as the server was getting their drink order, the girl asked if we had fruit smoothies. The server explained to her that while we can make virgin daiquiris of various flavors, we don't have actual fruit smoothies. To which the girl shot out, "What? No smoothies?!?!" Again, very nasty.
All of which begs the very obvious question a head chef I used to work with loved to ask: "What about our menu DO you like?"
More to the point, if everything is so damn bad here, why do you keep coming back? Horrible, nasty, hateful people. I love my coworkers, but I hope these fuckers always sit in the dining room, and never at the bar. I've never dealt with them, and I hate them already.
My coworker had an interesting experience last week. She waited on a table, and when she went to pick up the check to cash them out, she realized there wasn't enough money in the check presenter to cover the bill (let alone leaving her any tip). She returned to the table and very politely explained to them that they had not left enough money to cover the bill. The guy's response to this?
"I don't pay taxes."
Ex-cuse me? Say what? YOU don't pay taxes. Well, that's just great, buddy, way to make a stand. One small problem: you don't have a fucking choice. Yeah, you can decide not to pay income tax, I suppose, and things could get very interesting for you down the road. But you have no choice when it comes to sales tax. It's part of the bill. We as a business have no choice but to charge the sales tax, as we as a business have no choice but to pay it. It's not optional. It's part of the bill. If you just purchased a meal, the bill is the amount of the meal plus the appropriate sales tax. Period, end of story, thank you, buh bye!
All of which my coworker and the manager explained to the customer, far more politely than I just phrased it. In the end, he paid the entire bill, sales tax too. He was very angry at that point, but he paid. Naturally, he didn't tip my coworker one damn cent, but at that point, she was happy just to get him the hell out of the building.
"I don't pay taxes." Yeah, well fuck you. Go make your political stand somewhere else.
We're All Adults Here...and So's the Language
So my buddy Popcorn and I were out at a sports bar, watching a basketball game that both of us were very interested in, as he was a fan of one team, and I was a fan of the other. It being a sports bar, and us being guys full of testosterone, watching a sporting event, and filling ourselves with beer (and shots), we were getting a bit vocal. You know...standard sports bar behavior.
Well, right around the corner of the bar from us were an older couple. The wife was dressed in a rather fancy pants suit; very un-Key Westy. Odd, but no biggie. But then at one point, when a play went against Popcorn's team, he unleashed an expletive-filled exclamation, which included everyone's favorite f-word. To which the woman pointedly said, "Nice mouth."
POPCORN: "Excuse me?"
WOMAN: "Nice mouth."
POPCORN: "Where are you from?"
WOMAN: "Why?"
POPCORN: "Because when I come up to from wherever the hell you're from on vacation, you can tell me how to talk. But right now you're in my town. So shut the hell up."
At which point I'm trying not to laugh my ass off. I can see the husband is getting angry, and considering coming over and kicking Popcorn's ass. Which would have been hilarious, since he was in his sixties or so, and Popcorn is about 6'4" and 240 lbs. Things likely would not have gone well for the old man.
But the woman wouldn't let up.
WOMAN: "I have children your age, and they NEVER use that word!"
MY BRAIN: "Maybe not in FRONT of you, but they use it, lady." I didn't say this out loud, though. Because then things got...strange.
Popcorn, who had been drinking since noon (the game started at 7 pm), went over to the old couple to apologize. Why, I don't know. Other than his last nasty comment, I didn't really see the problem. It's a fucking sports bar. And you're sitting at the bar.
But anyway, he went over there and apologized, and go into an involved conversation with the woman. Me, I only half paid attention to that, as I was still intently watching the game that we had made a point of watching together. But I did catch the end of the convo, where Popcorn promised that he would "never use that word again!" Yes, he was serious. I just laughed. When he took his seat next to me, I just said, "Dude, not only will that not last the night, it won't even last the half." I was right. It didn't. But to his credit, he only used the f-word three times in that half. Which for him is restraint.
This should have been the end of it. But it wasn't. A little bit later, I myself yelled out that fun-filled word when a play didn't go my team's way.
WOMAN: "That's not very nice."
ME: "I never said I was nice."
And I went right back to watching the game. And the guys next to me who had been watching this whole thing play out just laughed their asses off, though the woman didn't seem too happy with me. But no muss, no fuss, no vicious comments to the couple, nor apologies for my comment. And that WAS the end of that.
Because, you know, it's a fucking sports bar.
Can You Hear Me Now?
Key West gets a lot of cruise ships in, pretty much on a daily basis. As The Bar is not far from where the majority of them dock, we get a decent amount of traffic from them, from both the passengers and the staff. I have some regulars on Thursdays that are staff on one such boat. They are great. But this story is not about them. Because I also have another regular, who comes in every other Monday, when his ship is in port. And he's....not great.
All he ever buys is a coke, he gets a refill or two, and he pays for it, never tipping. And he sits at one of the bar tables for two hours, using our wi-fi and talking loudly on his little blue tooth headset thingy for his phone. And I mean LOUDLY. To the point where a couple of Mondays ago, I actually had some customers who were sitting at the bar near his table move a bit down the bar to get away from his overly loud end of the conversation.
And then, this last Monday, the same thing happened. Empty bar, just one couple sitting at that end of the bar, and this really loud guy at a table behind them, yammering away to whoever the hell he was talking to. So, they moved a few seats down. I had had enough of this, and wanted to say something to the guy, but wanted to clear it with management first. So I went over to the GM, who was the MOD that day, and explained the situation, and asked if I could tell the guy to keep it down, since he was bothering other customers. My GM said it was no problem. I was going to wait till the guy was off the phone, but my GM had other ideas, and after a few minutes of watching this yahoo continue prattling on, decided to take care of this problem himself.
My GM, a big guy with a big beard and lots of tattoos and piercings, who looks like he should be a roadie for ZZ Top, walks up to the guy while he is still talking loudly and flat out interrupts him. "Look, pal, I have no problem with you coming in here, only ordering a soda, and using our wi-fi for free, but I've gotten several complaints about the tone of your voice, so you either need to keep it down, or find some other place to take advantage of."
And that, as they say, was the end of that. The guy continued to work on his laptop and talk on the phone, but very, very quietly.
As I've said before, I LOVE my job!
They're Almost Like Real People, Only Without the Personalities
Yesterday it was pretty quiet in the bar, and I happened to notice a group of three come in and get seated in the dining room. And almost immediately, saw their server bringing out food to them, before she had even gotten a drink order. This seemed odd. I asked my GM about it, and he rolled his eyes, and explained to me that they had called ahead to place their order, but they were going to eat it at the restaurant. Were they in a hurry? Because I could see that. Nope. They weren't. According to my GM, they are just assholes, who call ahead to place their order, insisting that they "don't want any of that imitation shrimp crap," (all our shrimp is real, honest-to-goodness shrimp), and they don't want any of this or that imitation garbage (none of which we actually use), etc, etc. And they wanted their meals with Fish A, but prepared in the style of Fish B. And no sauce, because they didn't want any of "that imitation crap." I should point out that our sauces are made from scratch, and don't use any imitation or fake stuff. Also, according to my GM, not only is the guy who called a jackass, but the girl in the group is, to use his word, "a raging cunt." A word my GM never uses, by the way. But he had the displeasure of working with her at another establishment, and between her, the ringleader, and the other guy, it is clear my GM can't stand these people.
Well, the server brought out their meals, with no sauce, and their very first question was "Where's our sauce?" Not, "Oh, we wanted the sauce on the side," or, "Oh, could we have a side of the sauce?" No. Just a very nasty, "Where's our sauce?" Yes, the very sauce that they had asked to NOT have when they called in their order.
Also, as the server was getting their drink order, the girl asked if we had fruit smoothies. The server explained to her that while we can make virgin daiquiris of various flavors, we don't have actual fruit smoothies. To which the girl shot out, "What? No smoothies?!?!" Again, very nasty.
All of which begs the very obvious question a head chef I used to work with loved to ask: "What about our menu DO you like?"
More to the point, if everything is so damn bad here, why do you keep coming back? Horrible, nasty, hateful people. I love my coworkers, but I hope these fuckers always sit in the dining room, and never at the bar. I've never dealt with them, and I hate them already.
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