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Do NOT make eye contact with the walkers

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  • #1

    Do NOT make eye contact with the walkers

    The walkers. They are in every store, and are looking for brains. Not brains to eat; just brains to tell them what to do. You know them and see them every day. They amble around the store aimlessly; lifeless eyes and jaws hanging open.

    If you're in lumber cutting 2x4s and accidentally make eye contact with a walker, you know your day is shot. The walker's eyes will appear to have a minimal spark of humanity, and will make your day a living hell.

    Walker: Need help. Where floor tiles?
    Me: What? I can't hear you. I'm sawing lumber.
    Walker: Need help. Where floor tiles?
    Me: I have 25 minutes of lumber to saw; I'll address your needs after I help the customer ahead of you.
    Walker: Need help. Where floor tiles?
    Me: I can help you in 25 minutes.
    Walker: I'm going to tell your manager that you refused to help me.
    Me: Okay.
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  • #2
    They may not want to eat your brains (they're not unreasonable -- no one's gonna eat your eyes), but their very presence will still drain some of your intelligence from you. Very slowly...you won't notice it until it's far, far too late. Some day, perhaps decades from now, you may find yourself in a store...Confusion sets in...You see a line of strange creatures at a desk, with another behind it. Walking up to the latter, and ignoring the former, you hear the words escape your mouth, unbidden: "Need help. Where floor tiles?"
    "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
    "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
    "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
    "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
    "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
    "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
    Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
    "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

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    • #3
      See, when I go into the big box hardware retailer, I look for this weird thing called "Signs" that tell me where the various types of merchandise are. I know! It's crazy!
      When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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