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Twas the Night Before Christmas, and Santa is pissed!

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  • Twas the Night Before Christmas, and Santa is pissed!

    For the holidays. Fill in the blanks as you wish!

    Twas the Night before Christmas,
    and Old Santa was ______.
    He cussed out the elves,
    then tore up the list.

    Miserable little brats,
    The ungrateful jerks,
    I have had it to here,
    and I'm scraping the works!

    I've busted my fat ___
    for almost a year,
    Instead of "Thanks Santa!"
    What do I hear?

    The old lady __________,
    'cause I work late at night,
    The elves want more money,
    and the reindeer all fight!

    Rudolph got drunk
    and goosed all the maids,
    Donner is pregnant
    and Vixen's got AIDS.

    The sleigh is all broken.
    The bells, they won't ring.
    No one made cookies,
    and the caroler's won't sing.

    And just when I thought
    that things might get better.
    Those jerks from IRS.
    Well, they sent me a letter.

    It says that I owe taxes...
    and if that isn't funny.
    Who the hell ever sent
    Santa Claus any money?

    And the kids these days
    the spoiled little _______.
    They want the impossible,
    those mean little twits!

    I spent a whole year
    making wagons and sleds.
    Assembling the dolls.
    Their arms, legs, and heads.

    the elves made the toys
    but no request came for them.
    They all wanted computers,
    Who am I? IBM!

    If you think that is bad,
    then just picture this.
    Try holding little brats,
    with their pants full of ______.

    They pull at my nose,
    they grab at my beard.
    And if I don't smile,
    parent's think that I'm weird.

    Flying though the air,
    while dodging the trees.
    Falling down chimneys
    and skinning my knees.

    I'm quittin' this job,
    there's just no more enjoyment.
    I'll sit on my fat ______,
    and collect unemployment.

    There's no Christmas this year,
    and now you know the reason..
    I've found me a blonde..........
    I've gone south for the season!

    Everybody have a Merry Christmas, or whatever it is you choose to celebrate, and may the coming year be filled with health, happiness and everything you wish yourself!
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily
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