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Well, ours store's slowly sliding into several layers of crap that I doubt we're ever going to claw our way out of. While I will post about all that in a couple of different topics at some point, I thought first I'd go over more of the customer weirdness that declining stores tend to face.
Quantum Grandpa
A nickname a customer has bestowed upon a coworker of ours. QG is an older guy, the kind of guy that got a job in a DIY hardware place because he'd rather go two rounds with a bear than face retirement.
The customer and his wife/girlfriend/female romance partner came in to our store looking for brackets. They were building a kitchen bench, but one that they could use as a computer desk as well, because they had a business that they both worked on, sometimes while making dinner. While they had a large piece of timber that was perfect, they needed brackets that could take the weight without tearing down the wall and 90% of the kitchen with it. We had to call QG because I was stumped, as was my coworker.
Well, before we called the guy, my coworker warned the couple that he was basically a crotchety old man. Nice, but prone to not listening properly, or being dismissive and cranky in the pre-lunchtime hours. While doing so, he mused "it's weird, but he's both the happiest, grumpiest grandfatherly old man I've ever met."
Customer thought about it for a second, and mused "so, he's Quantum Grandpa. He exists in both a happy, and angry state simultaneously."
Well, that nickname stuck. Predictably, QG came down, was completely unhelpful, then after deciding he'd solved the problem, wandered off.
Customer wasn't fazed - he simply said he should have done a bit of research, and they'd go ask a few different trades people they knew.
The Stealth Shitter
We have absolutely no idea who this is. But every week, on a random day, we'll roll up the gates in the drive through loading area to find a fresh human turd sitting right near the entrance.
Every week. Without fail. Since our store will never spend any money on anything but the managers, we'll never set up cameras to catch them. We'll probably never know who it is or why they do it. But we know they're out there.
Watching.
Waiting.
Pooping.
The Walking Felons
Well, partner man and I are driving to work on his day off. He drops me off, and goes to get coffee. Twenty seconds later he's back, and tells me to go into his department and warn them about a guy wearing a very specific set of clothes. As I warn them, he's standing there. I'm looking the dude dead in the eye as I describe him. He goes to leave.
The department guys stop him and check his bag. $4000 worth of various tools stashed away. He gets a lifetime ban.
Turns out partner knew he was a thief. He'd gotten away with over $8000 worth of nailgun accessories and various other tools before, and partner had seen him walking down the street to the store.
This is not the first time we've seen known thieves walking up the street on the way to work and called in to stop them. It was the biggest bust though.
Quantum Grandpa
A nickname a customer has bestowed upon a coworker of ours. QG is an older guy, the kind of guy that got a job in a DIY hardware place because he'd rather go two rounds with a bear than face retirement.
The customer and his wife/girlfriend/female romance partner came in to our store looking for brackets. They were building a kitchen bench, but one that they could use as a computer desk as well, because they had a business that they both worked on, sometimes while making dinner. While they had a large piece of timber that was perfect, they needed brackets that could take the weight without tearing down the wall and 90% of the kitchen with it. We had to call QG because I was stumped, as was my coworker.
Well, before we called the guy, my coworker warned the couple that he was basically a crotchety old man. Nice, but prone to not listening properly, or being dismissive and cranky in the pre-lunchtime hours. While doing so, he mused "it's weird, but he's both the happiest, grumpiest grandfatherly old man I've ever met."
Customer thought about it for a second, and mused "so, he's Quantum Grandpa. He exists in both a happy, and angry state simultaneously."
Well, that nickname stuck. Predictably, QG came down, was completely unhelpful, then after deciding he'd solved the problem, wandered off.
Customer wasn't fazed - he simply said he should have done a bit of research, and they'd go ask a few different trades people they knew.
The Stealth Shitter
We have absolutely no idea who this is. But every week, on a random day, we'll roll up the gates in the drive through loading area to find a fresh human turd sitting right near the entrance.
Every week. Without fail. Since our store will never spend any money on anything but the managers, we'll never set up cameras to catch them. We'll probably never know who it is or why they do it. But we know they're out there.
Watching.
Waiting.
Pooping.
The Walking Felons
Well, partner man and I are driving to work on his day off. He drops me off, and goes to get coffee. Twenty seconds later he's back, and tells me to go into his department and warn them about a guy wearing a very specific set of clothes. As I warn them, he's standing there. I'm looking the dude dead in the eye as I describe him. He goes to leave.
The department guys stop him and check his bag. $4000 worth of various tools stashed away. He gets a lifetime ban.
Turns out partner knew he was a thief. He'd gotten away with over $8000 worth of nailgun accessories and various other tools before, and partner had seen him walking down the street to the store.
This is not the first time we've seen known thieves walking up the street on the way to work and called in to stop them. It was the biggest bust though.
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