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...Because I can always overhear the best storytime in the evening when I'm leaving work. Yesterday's crowning jewel was a pair of ladies sitting right next me. If I was guessing age based solely on looks, one was low-mid twenties, the other mid-upper twenties. They both looked fairly "normal," or at the very least benign to my mind. They had already been on the metro when I got on, but there was nothing about them that made me think to notice them at first. They were quiet and non-obtrusive. Until the doors closed.
So, what made them fabulous? Really I had to bite my tongue for the vast majority of my ride, for several reasons.
At one point, the (loud) conversation turned to how the older looking one found out that one of their mutual (male) friends was doing crack. How did older lady find out, you ask (no one asked)? Well, he just went and "did" some right in the middle of her house. He didn't even have the decency to go into the bathroom first!
Older lady is surprised that his wife hasn't left him.
Oh! But younger lady knows for a fact that wife kicked him to the curb and changed the locks.
Really? Older lady didn't realize this; he always talks about how he just never has time to go home because of all the jobs he does.
No, younger lady knows he's actually homeless and that's why he sleeps at older lady's house.
Older lady is still surprised, and wondering why wife hasn't taken him back. (Wait, didn't you ask why wife hadn't kicked him out in the first place?)
The conversation moved on. They talked about their friend named "C" (to protect the poor sod from the repercussions of his upstanding friends), who is apparently a gay man. According to younger lady, C is built like a football player, but C likes to receive. And that's just completely wrong. Only (read this part right now with a bad fake lisp just to set the mood) those weak guys like that. (I assume she meant "metrosexual" but she was also doing the limp-handed wave and a slew of other stereotypical things at this point.)
Oh, says older lady, she doesn't want to hear about what C does.
Younger lady seems to take the phrase "I don't want to know" to mean "yes, I am very interested tell me every sordid detail you know." C just can't like to receive; it's just not right! I mean, he's done, like four girls. (I... don't understand how that is relevant but what do I know? I'm just a passenger on a train car stuck listening to you until the end of the line, or the point that you get off.)
Also, did you know that C was trying to convince "T" to have sex (or something) but T wasn't sure about it. Eventually T let C give him a handjob. Younger lady knows this because it happened in her living room while she was making out with her boyfriend. T also asked after the fact that younger lady not tell anyone about this.
At this point, younger lady had this glorious thing to say: "I haven't told anyone. Well, I told you just now, but you won't tell- ...Actually, you'll tell everyone. But the point is, I didn't tell anyone." (...
)
Now, what actually made this entire thing exceptionally stupid? You know, aside from the fact that they're having this loud conversation in a train car and people are clearly able to hear them? They had a child with them. A young child. An impressionable, young child. Bonus points, ladies, for using the word "f*ck" not really as a word, but more as a form of punctuation. I gleaned from the earliest form of your conversation that this child was spawned from one of you, although I know not which one. Double bonus for completely ignoring the child for the duration of the trip, barring one incident. Triple bonus for taking out a water bottle and basically pouring part of it onto the floor of the car when the child gestured that he was thirsty, in your "effort" to clean the mouthpiece of the sippy cup, but only after you'd been holding said cup just out of the little one's reach for a good five minutes.
Wouldn't you know it, but they rode to the end of the line with me.
So, what made them fabulous? Really I had to bite my tongue for the vast majority of my ride, for several reasons.
At one point, the (loud) conversation turned to how the older looking one found out that one of their mutual (male) friends was doing crack. How did older lady find out, you ask (no one asked)? Well, he just went and "did" some right in the middle of her house. He didn't even have the decency to go into the bathroom first!
Older lady is surprised that his wife hasn't left him.
Oh! But younger lady knows for a fact that wife kicked him to the curb and changed the locks.
Really? Older lady didn't realize this; he always talks about how he just never has time to go home because of all the jobs he does.
No, younger lady knows he's actually homeless and that's why he sleeps at older lady's house.
Older lady is still surprised, and wondering why wife hasn't taken him back. (Wait, didn't you ask why wife hadn't kicked him out in the first place?)
The conversation moved on. They talked about their friend named "C" (to protect the poor sod from the repercussions of his upstanding friends), who is apparently a gay man. According to younger lady, C is built like a football player, but C likes to receive. And that's just completely wrong. Only (read this part right now with a bad fake lisp just to set the mood) those weak guys like that. (I assume she meant "metrosexual" but she was also doing the limp-handed wave and a slew of other stereotypical things at this point.)
Oh, says older lady, she doesn't want to hear about what C does.
Younger lady seems to take the phrase "I don't want to know" to mean "yes, I am very interested tell me every sordid detail you know." C just can't like to receive; it's just not right! I mean, he's done, like four girls. (I... don't understand how that is relevant but what do I know? I'm just a passenger on a train car stuck listening to you until the end of the line, or the point that you get off.)
Also, did you know that C was trying to convince "T" to have sex (or something) but T wasn't sure about it. Eventually T let C give him a handjob. Younger lady knows this because it happened in her living room while she was making out with her boyfriend. T also asked after the fact that younger lady not tell anyone about this.
At this point, younger lady had this glorious thing to say: "I haven't told anyone. Well, I told you just now, but you won't tell- ...Actually, you'll tell everyone. But the point is, I didn't tell anyone." (...
)Now, what actually made this entire thing exceptionally stupid? You know, aside from the fact that they're having this loud conversation in a train car and people are clearly able to hear them? They had a child with them. A young child. An impressionable, young child. Bonus points, ladies, for using the word "f*ck" not really as a word, but more as a form of punctuation. I gleaned from the earliest form of your conversation that this child was spawned from one of you, although I know not which one. Double bonus for completely ignoring the child for the duration of the trip, barring one incident. Triple bonus for taking out a water bottle and basically pouring part of it onto the floor of the car when the child gestured that he was thirsty, in your "effort" to clean the mouthpiece of the sippy cup, but only after you'd been holding said cup just out of the little one's reach for a good five minutes.
Wouldn't you know it, but they rode to the end of the line with me.
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