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  • Newspaper Nunchucks

    So Thanksgiving newspapers are a bit special. Even though it's a weekday, they resemble Sunday papers because of all the Black Friday ads.

    Just like on Sundays, the Thanksgiving newspapers come in two bundles: The "ad-pack", with the ads, and the actual news part of the newspaper, which is stuffed with more ads. Normally, it works out to about the same size as a Sunday paper.

    Today, though, was the absolutely largest newspaper they've ever had since I started delivery. We could not fit it in the delivery bags! They just wouldn't fit! I was glad Hubs was helping me, since we ended up bagging the sections separately and then tying the bags together at the ends. The result was nicknamed "Newspaper Nunchucks".

    We couldn't even fit unbagged ones in some of the delivery boxes, either. Most of my customers have the newer ones, but some have the old, smaller ones. We could not fit the newspapers into the smaller boxes. We had to take a bagged "nunchuck", stuff one end in the box, and leave the other end hanging out. It looked weird, but it worked.

    I suppose we should be thankful (on Thanksgiving, lol!) that nothing else bad happened. Thanksgiving historically has been jinxed with either car trouble (one year the clutch died in my car) to bad weather (last year we had heavy snow and had to walk BOTH routes!). This morning was supposed to be stormy, with 30-40mph sustained winds and 60mph gusts, but it turned out to be clear with barely a breeze.

    Anyways, throwing the bagged papers tied together was awkward. I ended up shouting "NEWSPAPER NUNCHUCK ATTACK!" at every house whose driveway or porch I delivered to. And...yeah, that's the whole point of this post. I wanted to share that this morning, I just went around shouting "NEWSPAPER NUNCHUCK ATTACK!" at my customers. Because I'm weird like that.

    I wonder how long their confusion will last when they come out and see two ginormous newspaper bags tied together.
    Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

  • #2
    Dammit, now I want Newspaper Nunchucks! That would be AWESOME!

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    • #3
      They're priced like Sunday papers too, at least in my area. newspaper nunchucks sound like fun though!! Hope you don't get any complaints about it though!
      "And though she be but little, she is FIERCE!"--Shakespeare

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      • #4
        I'm so glad I'd swallowed my drink before reading that last part... I have to know, did any come outside to go "WTF?"
        Look, a signature!

        If every cashier in the world went on strike, retail would come to a screeching halt, even if for a couple hours.

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        • #5
          Same here. I've gotten my weight lifting in lifting bundles of those monster papers today.
          "Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid" Redd Foxx as Al Royal - The Royal Family - Pilot Episode - 1991.

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          • #6
            Quoth bhskittykatt View Post
            I ended up shouting [B]"NEWSPAPER NUNCHUCK ATTACK

            I can't stop giggling ...... thank you for sharing!
            Your story may not have such a happy beginning, but that doesn't make you who you are. It is the rest of your story who you choose to be. So who are you? - Kung Fu Panda 2

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            • #7
              When I did newspaper delivery I usually had to make two trips on Thanksgiving because the papers were so big.

              And I had a regular paper route.

              SC
              "...four of his five wits went halting off, and now is the whole man governed with one..." W. Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing Act I, Sc I

              Do you like Shakespeare? Join us The Globe Theater!

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              • #8
                What gets me is this...
                Our local paper was $1 instead of 50cents...
                Yet the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review was still only 50 cents.
                Both had the same amount of ads. Why did the local cost so much more than the one from miles away?

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                • #9
                  Quoth VenomX View Post
                  What gets me is this...
                  Our local paper was $1 instead of 50cents...
                  Yet the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review was still only 50 cents.
                  Both had the same amount of ads. Why did the local cost so much more than the one from miles away?
                  At first blush, I'd say either they don't own their own presses (so they have to pay the printer for the extra size), or else they have a much smaller print run, and can't take the hit on the extra printload, so have to pass it along to the customers.

                  I used to work at an independant print factory hanging paper on the 66" press. We did around twelve million pieces of advertising per week. Most people have no idea what it takes to get good product out the other end.
                  The Rich keep getting richer because they keep doing what it was that made them rich. Ditto the Poor.
                  "Hy kan tell dey is schmot qvestions, dey is makink my head hurt."
                  Hoc spatio locantur.

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                  • #10
                    Quoth Geek King View Post
                    At first blush, I'd say either they don't own their own presses (so they have to pay the printer for the extra size), or else they have a much smaller print run, and can't take the hit on the extra printload, so have to pass it along to the customers.
                    But if the extra size is due to ads (which are paid for), wouldn't the extra income cover the extra costs and more? From what I've heard, in the newspaper industry ad revenue far exceeds circulation revenue.
                    Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

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                    • #11
                      Quoth wolfie View Post
                      But if the extra size is due to ads (which are paid for), wouldn't the extra income cover the extra costs and more? From what I've heard, in the newspaper industry ad revenue far exceeds circulation revenue.
                      I'm not sure about your location, but our paper wasn't just a normal weekday edition stuffed with ads. It was more like a Sunday edition, with all the extra holiday articles, expanded sports for the games, and entertainment covering the Black Friday madness-to-be. They also charged Sunday edition prices.

                      Else, it could just be the paper charging a bit extra because they knew the readers would pay to get their hands on all the ads.
                      The Rich keep getting richer because they keep doing what it was that made them rich. Ditto the Poor.
                      "Hy kan tell dey is schmot qvestions, dey is makink my head hurt."
                      Hoc spatio locantur.

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