Phrases that don't help

[technical.angel]

"It died."

[Bandit]

"It's broken."

"It doesn't work."

"It doesn't work right."

B

[lordlundar]

"fix it"

(bah, letter limit)

[Broomjockey]

Or from the user's point of view:

"That's interesting."

"Never seen that before."

"You must be doing something wrong."

(Usually used in conjunction. Means the tech is in so far over his head that it'd take a submarine to rescue them)

[Captain Trips]

"Well, it was working YESterday!"

(Yeah, and Grandpa was alive yesterday. What happened?)

[draggar]

I get some error message.

It won't connect.

I downloaded something.

[crazylegs]

(What's the best number to reach you on?)
This one

[draggar]

Incoming IMs:

11:00 (User): I need your help.
11:00 (User): I need your help.
11:01 (User): I seriously need your help.
11:02 (User): Are you there? I need your help.
11:02 (User): I see that you're online! I need your help!
11:02 (User): Stop ignoring me, I need your help.
11:03 (User): I seriously need your help!!!
11:03 (User): Are you there?
11:03 (User): HELP ME!!!
11:04 (User): I need your help!!!
11:04 (User): I'm contacting your boss since you're not doing your job and not helping me!

All while my status was "OUT TO LUNCH". I'll let my boss know that too, as well as the IMs with time stamps.

Maybe next time I'll sneak into their PC (from my office) and turn off communicator.

[Broomjockey]

Incoming IMs:

Christ, people who expect me to answer their IMs in less than a minute no matter what are fucking annoying enough. To then have to deal with my boss because of their impatience, and they'd learn the true meaning of "not until the heat death of the universe."

[draggar]

Christ, people who expect me to answer their IMs in less than a minute no matter what are fucking annoying enough. To then have to deal with my boss because of their impatience, and they'd learn the true meaning of "not until the heat death of the universe."

The great part is that my boss will just remind them off of the policies - they're supposed to call the help desk and log a ticket.

I'm just nice and help them out when they need it (and when they're nice).

[HawaiianShirts]

Unhelpful phrases I heard while selling computers:

"I need to upgrade my machine." *expectant stare*

"Word" or "Microsoft" when used as an answer to my question of what operating system they're currently using.

And the customers never could understand the bemused look on my face when they offered one of these:
"My computer took a dump."
"My computer crapped out on me."
"My computer took a sh** on me."

[draggar]

I have a problem using Adobe.
I have a problem using Microsoft.
I have a problem with my Cisco.
I have a pronlem with Citrix (they make a variety of applications my company uses).
I have a problem using the internet.

[protege]

"I'm going to need you to...."
"(Software) is broken..."

Uh, how the hell does software *break?*

[Crossbow]

"I'm going to need you to...."
"(Software) is broken..."

Uh, how the hell does software *break?*

When your software is composed of "two million lines of glass spaghetti," breaking is easy. I've managed to get an error that three developers swear was impossible because it was commented out.

[Daskinor]

"I tired to fix it myself"