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Where's the period Key? (NOT kidding)

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  • #31
    Quoth HYHYBT View Post
    I'll see your "how to pick up your computer" and raise you Where do I find the "Any" key on my keyboard?

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    • #32
      I don’t think these examples are always from stupidity. Some of them seem to be just ignorance or fear (though that doesn’t make them any less funny in most cases).

      I’ve had many people ask me what the difference is between a laptop and a desktop computer, and I’ve had other people absolutely convinced that you cannot have a laptop if you don’t have a desktop to connect it to.

      I find it highly amusing that HP and Apple would actually post answers to such ridiculous questions on their websites. It makes me wonder whose idea it was and why they made that decision. I wonder more, though, if someone has sufficient difficulty with technology as to make them want to ask the manufacturer how to pick up the computer or where the “Any” key is, how are they going to be able to access the company’s website to find the information, let alone perform the search and browse the results?

      Sometimes I think that the question “How do I do that?” is just a kneejerk reaction for those who think they are technologically incompetent. If you ask them to turn over their router, they immediately ask for instructions because they do not understand routers. If you were to ask the same person to turn over a box of crackers, they would do so without any difficulty because they understand what crackers are and what boxes are. They ask the question before they realize what your instructions are asking them to do. If most of them would take half a moment to think before asking, they would have no difficulty.

      Quoth Noelegy View Post
      When I worked at the bookstore, we had about equal amounts of CD-ROM and floppy disk software (mid-90's). The first question I'd ask when helping a customer would be, "PC or Mac?" Then, "CD or floppy?" Once, I got a guy who gave me a blank look when I said "CD or floppy?" I asked, "Do you put round things or square things in it?" He brightened and said, "Oh! Round things."
      Ignorance or not, though, people still astound me. When I used to work in a call center, I would send out free information packets upon request for a variety of companies. These often included a video, which the caller could have on VHS or DVD.
      - Original Scripting…
      Me: And would you like the video on VHS or DVD?
      Caller: …I don’t know. What do you mean?
      This caused problems and made my calls longer, so I changed the way I read it.
      - My Altered Script…
      Me: And would you like the video on VHS tape or DVD?
      Caller: …I don’t know. What’s the difference?
      That still wasn’t perfect. I never did find a good solution for this problem. Sometimes I had to ask if their TV took black rectangles or shiny circles to play a movie. A couple of times, even that didn’t clear it up.

      And I had a guy call in a couple of months ago who couldn’t find the Number Lock key on his desktop keyboard. I described the keyboard in detail so he could find the button and get his “number arrows” back to typing numbers instead of moving the cursor. How is it so hard to find the key marked NumLk “near the set of number arrows” and press it? He was almost ready to pay to have a tech come out and “fix” his computer, but then he suddenly discovered the NumLk key and “fixed” it himself.
      I suspect that... inside every adult (sometimes not very far inside) is a bratty kid who wants everything his own way.
      - Bill Watterson

      My co-workers: They're there when they need me.
      - IPF

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      • #33
        Quoth Noelegy View Post
        The first question I'd ask when helping a customer would be, "PC or Mac?"
        I asked that once from a customer who wasn't sure if CD-ROM she had already bought was compatible with her computer. Her reply? "XP!"

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        • #34
          Quoth HawaiianShirts View Post
          That still wasn’t perfect. I never did find a good solution for this problem. Sometimes I had to ask if their TV took black rectangles or shiny circles to play a movie. A couple of times, even that didn’t clear it up.
          I could only dumb it down this far:
          "Do you want a thick rectangle thing or a thin round thing?"

          Comment


          • #35
            I'm still trying to figure out the difference between a laptop and a notebook.
            Figers are vicious I tell ya. They crawl up your leg and steal your belly button lint.

            I'm a case study.

            Comment


            • #36
              Quoth Cia View Post
              I'm still trying to figure out the difference between a laptop and a notebook.
              Notebook computers are pretty much just small laptops. There's no strict definition, and sometimes notebook and laptop is used interchangably.

              Comment


              • #37
                yesterday, I had someone who couldn't find the "All Programs" on their Start Menu.
                All Programs! I swear I'm not lying! It took him FIVE MINUTES to find it, even WITH me saying "Sir, it's on the bottom left" repeatedly.
                *headdesk*
                some people should just be given typewriters
                The report button - not just for decoration

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                • #38
                  If you ask them to turn over their router, they immediately ask for instructions because they do not understand routers. If you were to ask the same person to turn over a box of crackers, they would do so without any difficulty because they understand what crackers are and what boxes are.
                  They also, in that example, may think that "turn over" has some other meaning when applied to routers, like "boot" does when applied to computers.
                  Now the trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Quoth Kilamon View Post
                    BTW, does anyone else hate it when people say 'asterick?' It bugs me. It's asterisk. Get it right. Either call it correctly, or use slang and call it a splat, but stop with the asterick bull puckey.


                    That's awesome. I forwarded that to a couple friends. It's best, I think, because it's actually on the compaq/HP web site.

                    I had a customer the other day refer to it as an asterick and it does annoy me everytime, but i had to put this other woman on hold and laugh outloud today as she refered to it as an ASSTRACK.

                    I am not sure what that is but I think I want one!!!

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Lol, funny thing is, I could easily see either my mother or my mother-in-law in any of these posts.

                      "You'd feel a Hell of a lot better if you'd just rip into the occasional customer."
                      ~Clerks

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Quoth techsupptodd View Post
                        I had a customer the other day refer to it as an asterick and it does annoy me everytime, but i had to put this other woman on hold and laugh outloud today as she refered to it as an ASSTRACK.

                        I am not sure what that is but I think I want one!!!
                        Careful what you wish for, it sounds like a synonym of "skid mark".
                        Now the trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Quoth MadonnaC View Post
                          I can believe that - check out compaq FAQ....


                          http://www29.compaq.com/falco/detail...AQnum=FAQ2859&

                          Quoth THE SITE
                          The term "any key" does not refer to a particular key on the keyboard. It simply means to strike any one of the keys on your keyboard or handheld screen.

                          dear lord.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                            ow Ow OW, TEH STOOPID, IT BURNS!

                            Now I have to go fish my brain out of the food processor again.
                            You really shouldn't be playing with your brain like that IPF . . . it'll turn to mush.
                            Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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                            • #44
                              This past week I had a customer call in for an email adress, and help setting it up in Outlook Express. I create the email address, and take her through OE setup. I have the volume turned up, and can still barely hear her, plus she's very old and "can't see" very well. Well I had her on the line for almost two hours doing this mundane and easy process, just trying to be patient and stretch the call as my break was coming up, but it took till about the end of my shift.

                              Enter your name, okay, click next, okay, enter your email address, which is your first and last name @ myisp.net , okay, read that back to me. Uh, why do you have your whole shopping list in there? Clear it out and try it again, okay, now it sounds like you typed in a doctors eye chart, lets start over. I had to have been on this screen alone for an hour plus. Okay, click next and we'll enter the server addresses, this doesn't manage to go as bad, but it did stop here. Then she tells me she did click on Next, when asked, but never did it. She asks if I can just give her the information and she'll have her daughter the instructor do it for her. I advise her we're almost done, just have to enter the password, plus I'm thinking how is she going to write this stuff down if she can't keep it straight in her head, let alone type it in right. Moments of silence and come to find out, she hit cancel, and closed the accounts screen, so shes back at the main screen. More directly this time, I take her back through the process, get to where we were before, send my sup an email that I'm going mental, and then the call goes to hold music, and disconnects. It wasn't our hold music, but I asked my sup if he took mercy on me, but he was just reading the email.

                              I had one kind of like this the next day, I talk to plenty of morons, but usually they can be molded into party intelligent humans for a few minutes. Its my Friday and I can't wait for 3PM.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                I had one of those calls last week.
                                At XYZTV, we are required to "edcuate" our customers on every call about how they can pay their bill. One method of payment is over Channel 5 on the TV.

                                Bonnie Bitch: "...blah blah blah, and you can also pay your bill for free with debit or credit card over Channel 5 on your TV."

                                Customer: "How do I do that?"

                                BB: "Go to channel 5 and follow the prompt screens."

                                Customer: But how do I do that?

                                BB: I don't understand the question.

                                Cust: <exasperated sigh due to assface customer having to deal with stupid me> How do I get to channel 5?

                                BB: Take your remote control, press zero, zero, then five and hit the 'enter' key.

                                Cust: Huh?

                                BB: <said with all seriousness>Ma'am, how do you change channels when you're watching TV?

                                Cust: I don't know. I just press buttons.

                                BB: Then just press zero, zero, and five followed by the 'enter' key. Is there anything else I can help you with today?

                                Cust: No.

                                BB: You have a great day, and thank you for choosing XYZTV.

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