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  • #16
    I got several a couple weeks ago that said "HELP ME I AM DYING"

    I'm thinking wouldn't a better use of that guy's time be to log off and call himself either an ambulance or an estate lawyer?

    Lot of dying lads in Lagos, evidently. Either that, or dying Vlads in Russia. What's killing them? I got several of these, too, all in a row. All these desperate, expiring dudes, too weak to take off caps lock.

    It's a mystery.

    Comment

    • #17
      Quoth flybye023 View Post
      I just got one the other day, "make your love sword longer!". Just cracked me up 'cause even the silly romance novels I read have never called it that.
      Read a romance book that called it a "purple-helmeted lance of love."

      To be fair, it was romantic humor, and it was supposed to sound awful.
      "And so all the night-tide, I lie down by the side of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride!"
      "Hallo elskan min/Trui ekki hvad timinn lidur"
      Amayis is my wifey

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      • #18
        A lot of the funny ones I see if I can be bothered to look in the spam box usually just start with "Hi"

        Then carry on to say something like
        "I see ur profile on the site and U R handsome man. Mail me <somenaff@email> or come see me here <somedodgy.webcam.site>

        Being female, I often wonder how many brainless randy males are duped
        Arp happens!

        Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

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        • #19
          Got this at work in our spam hit list: Hey dude! Want to have such a long device as I do! Make ladies think only about your device.



          they sent it to every support email addy we have. bleh..
          Crono: sounds like the machine update became a clusterf*ck..
          pedersen: No. A clusterf*ck involves at least one pleasurable thing (the orgasm at the end).

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          • #20
            I got one today saying "use your carrot better". Carrot? Really? If I'm going to use a carrot, what do I need a man for?
            "I look at the stars. It's a clear night and the Milky Way seems so near. That's where I'll be going soon. "We are all star stuff." I suddenly remember Delenn's line from Joe's script. Not a bad prospect. I am not afraid. In the meantime, let me close my eyes and sense the beauty around me. And take that breath under the dark sky full of stars. Breathe in. Breathe out. That's all."
            -Mira Furlan

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            • #21
              Quoth badgegirl007 View Post
              The sad thing is, there are probably millions of men buying that fake viagra crap so that's why we are subjected to hundreds of spam emails about Maak.e ure pen-is hard with \_/iagra or c.i.a.l.i.s.

              I get those all the time and i've never ordered any in my lifetime lol
              The problem, actually, is that this spam is virtually free for the sender. You spend 20 seconds writing up an email, drop it on your botnet, and go to bed. Even if only ONE guy buys in, you made back your time.

              And unfortunately, there's no way to fix that without alienating legitimate uses. We'll just have to settle for intelligent filters at the relay.
              Last edited by roothorick; 12-02-2010, 02:41 PM.

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              • #22
                Quoth wraiths_crono View Post
                Got this at work in our spam hit list: Hey dude! Want to have such a long device as I do! Make ladies think only about your device.



                That's pretty much the funniest thing I've ever read. Seriously.
                "So, if you wanna put places like that outta business, just stop being so rock-chewingly stupid." ~ Raudf, 9/19/13

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                • #23
                  "Englarge penis-farever - it's very beautiful!"

                  "Doctor Man Max Pills for the fun"

                  Pffft.

                  Comment

                  • #24
                    "You wont forget nights after taking bluepilules."
                    "Show her it can be rock-like"
                    "Re:Re:Re:"
                    "Rep1icaRo1ex :: Breitling Rep1icaWatch :: CartierRep1ica & more. Best R"
                    "PROSTITUTAS Y TANGO"
                    "ndley ywwb"
                    "More love desire with ease"
                    "Male's grow supplement"
                    "Make your love stick as hard as you want it to be."
                    "Make your apparatus bigger, thicker, firmer"
                    "Make us a call a very soon you will get your new diploma."
                    "Make love like R Jeremy" (who the hell is R Jeremy?)
                    "Low Low Low! Darvocet" (Darvocet was pulled from the market last week)
                    "Lose your weight faster now, try our effective method. Buy a bottle of super weight loss pills for only $59,95."
                    "kqpaxyDOWNLOADBLE SOFTWARE for WIN & MACnijar"
                    "Hi {me}, Sale Available Now. for Renowned domestication JFK" (Vi*gr* scam; fifteen copies; different random text on each)
                    "Экспертиза проектной документации" (come again?)
                    "The Just Released Products, MS Office and more at Black Friday Outlet" (if it's online, it's Cyber Monday not Black Friday, you idiot)
                    "A mighty shield in a war against acne occurrence." (OK, that one made me laugh)
                    "absorbent domineering blow" (no idea what that one's trying to sell, and I'm not opening it to find out)
                    "Big penis for 3 month!" (and then what, it shrinks again?)
                    "Diplomas are sold online now, no more need to attend university." (fancy toilet paper, sounds to me)
                    "人妻達の書き込みが溢れかえってる！" (say what??)

                    You want me to go on? I have 770 more like this, just in the last week.

                    Comment

                    • #25
                      ^I shouldn't know this...but I believe R. Jeremy is a pr0n star.
                      "And so all the night-tide, I lie down by the side of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride!"
                      "Hallo elskan min/Trui ekki hvad timinn lidur"
                      Amayis is my wifey

                      Comment

                      • #26
                        Quoth Shalom View Post
                        "Make love like R Jeremy" (who the hell is R Jeremy?)
                        Ron Jeremy. He's enough of a regular celebrity for being big in porn (yeah, yeah, pun totally intended ) that he gets a lot of non-porn gigs. (link is to IMDb, so it's safe to click).
                        Quoth Shalom View Post
                        "Экспертиза проектной документации" (come again?)
                        According to Google: "Examination of project documentation"

                        I... have no idea what that's for. Are they selling certifications?
                        Quoth Shalom View Post
                        "人妻達の書き込みが溢れかえってる！" (say what??)
                        Google (I love that site) says, "We're awash Married to write!"

                        *blink-blink* That ... I .... Yeah, I got nothing.

                        ^-.-^
                        Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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                        • #27
                          Quoth Shalom View Post
                          "人妻達の書き込みが溢れかえってる！" (say what??)
                          Be over-run with married women for you to have your way with! (clean version)
                          CS evolution: Not all the apes evolved, some just learned how to shave.

                          Comment

                          • #28
                            Quoth Shalom View Post
                            "Low Low Low! Darvocet" (Darvocet was pulled from the market last week)
                            Wha????????

                            I still have pills left over from my surgery... in 2006.
                            SC: “Yeah, Bob’s Company. I'm Bob. It's my company.” - GK
                            SuperHotelWorker made my Avi!!

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                            • #29
                              "humorlessness's Mobile's camisoles"
                              I'm not entirely sure what they're selling, but if it's humorless(ness), I don't want it.

                              "decree halcyon imbecile's"
                              Not sure about this one, either.
                              "I look at the stars. It's a clear night and the Milky Way seems so near. That's where I'll be going soon. "We are all star stuff." I suddenly remember Delenn's line from Joe's script. Not a bad prospect. I am not afraid. In the meantime, let me close my eyes and sense the beauty around me. And take that breath under the dark sky full of stars. Breathe in. Breathe out. That's all."
                              -Mira Furlan

                              Comment

                              • #30
                                "It's very beautiful!" and "It's cool!" both of which are about gaining largeness on the south side of things. "WITH TEARS!" is a common one. "It's cool!" is definitely my current favorite, though. One female coworker pinged me on IM saying "Hey, incog! This email says I can have a cool penis!" <3 My co-workers.
                                The original Cookie in a multitude of cookies.

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