Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[registerrodeo]

From he Assisted Living Center
*Do not set up Ghoul Pools
*Do not try to have wheelchair races in the hallways with the residents
*Quit singing the Grinch song everytime Sucky Manager walks by, even if other managers think it is funny
*Do not do the Kermit flail and start running around when DPW shows up unannounced for their yearly inspection
*Do not greet new residents with "Welcome to Hotel California"
*DO NOT jokingly tell them bingo has been replaced with quiet time
*Do not yell YOOOHOO over the radio when a co worker repeatedly ignores your calls
*Do not walk into the community bathroom and say "Good Lord what died in here??" when the residents are using it (ok for other employees tho)
*When being thanked for doing them a favor, do not say "Just put me in your will"

[Gilhelmi]

Excerpt from an employee all staff meeting.

Maintenance is complaining about the smell by the back door. From now on no one is allowed to go pee out the back door.

In the interest of full disclosure, I was one of the people who caused this rule. BUT I was not alone, there were at least 10 of us who were guilty.

[fireheart]

I am not allowed to encourage the kiddies to "sock wrestle."

(This is a little less harmful than it sounds: basically you give the kids a giant fluffy sock each and the goal is to remove your opponents sock before they remove yours. There are safety rules around it such as opponents are required to be roughly the same height and weight (by eyeballing) and you cannot tackle them or grab them from the neck up)

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

When a song by Fall Out Boy comes over the PA at da swamp, no organizing a mosh pit by the checkouts and stage-diving off the service desk.

The in-store music changed after Christmas. Lotsa classic rock and more modern, inoffensive rock music. But also some truly laughable country music. At least the in-store music doesn't sound like we're targeting soccer moms and old people as our customers.

[wolfie]

Just curious, but could you give me a couple examples of what you consider laughable country songs?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Okay, here's one. Some old-school Alabama for you:

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I AGREE

Also, the Boot Scootin' Boogie. If you were subjected to line-dancing to this in grade school physical education class, you'll understand.

[wolfie]

BSB is definitely laughable. As for Alabama, I've got an old machine on dialup, and can't access videos. What was the title?

[Kit-Ginevra]

I am not allowed when the kids are having their sing-a-long session at the library to supply alternative lyrics to the song.
Apparently when they sing 'a worm is very wiggly...' adding on 'so have one for your tea' is not appreciated...

[fireheart]

I am not allowed when the kids are having their sing-a-long session at the library to supply alternative lyrics to the song.
Apparently when they sing 'a worm is very wiggly...' adding on 'so have one for your tea' is not appreciated...

I've been guilty of doing this so many times at work

[dbuzman]

BSB is definitely laughable. As for Alabama, I've got an old machine on dialup, and can't access videos. What was the title?

It was "Get it while it's hot".

[fireheart]

I am not allowed to dress up as a Christmas tree ninja for work.

[catcul]

I'm not allowed to refer to the server box as, "my incredibly large package."

I'm not allowed to say to someone holding a small box, "Mine's bigger."

[catcul]

Just because they were sent there, nobody on the team is allowed to sing or play "I'm in Miami, Bitch" by LMFAO.

Sadly, I'm not being sent to Florida this month.

[BrenDAnn]

I'm not allowed to discuss 'Fifty Shades of Grey' at work. Not that I'd want to. I just thought it was funny the boss actually left a note telling us not to talk about it!

[fireheart]

I'm not allowed to discuss 'Fifty Shades of Grey' at work. Not that I'd want to. I just thought it was funny the boss actually left a note telling us not to talk about it!

I've mentioned this before, but when I was working at a childcare service back in my hometown, one of my 5th graders was a sweet kid, appeared somewhat innocent, but also liked to read a lot. Turns out one day she'd bought in 50 Shades of Grey (of all books). Needless to say, she was very quickly told to put it away. (The rule we have is "If we don't see it, it's not our problem", barring certain circumstances-so if you have an electronic device in your bag, we don't give a crap as long as you don't use it.)