Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Still in total shock....

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Still in total shock....

    I still can't believe this happened. I've never been through something like this before. Last night at around 1:15 a very dear friend who is like a big brother to me called me. Said he was in the hospital. He'd had a quintuple bypass 2 months ago, but he said this time it was his wife's turn. He said he could use a hand, so I went out to the hospital to see him. The following is copied and pasted from what I told someone on skype, because I can't type this all again. I can't.

    I got to the hospital and John told me that his wife, Andrea, seized and turned about 5 different shades of grey. He said she had been FINE all day. They made candy and watched a couple of movies. Then they were getting ready for bed and she remembered her phone was in her car. She's an on-call IT tech for her company, so she needs her phone. She never made it to the car, she went to the bathroom instead. She called to him suddenly and he went to see what was wrong because she sounded different. She said she thought she had passed out. Then she had a seizure. He called 911 and the paramedics got there within about 10 minutes. She was responsive, answering their questions, and they sent him to the hospital to check her in.

    So we were sitting there and then at about 1:30 the nurse came out and said we should go wait in the Family room back in the ER. He's like a big brother to me, but since I am not blood family and his 2 sons were on their way, I said I'd wait in the lobby. about 2 minutes later, the nurse came back out and said, "Pumpkin, he's going to need you back there." My heart sank. I got back there and he said, "She's dead. Her heart stopped 20 minutes ago. They're doing CPR." I said they'd bring her around, they HAD to. Then the doctor came in and said they had her intubated and were doing everything they could but her heart wasn't responding and at that point he wasn't sure if she'd pull through. About 2 minutes later he came back. He asked John if he wanted to go back and say goodbye before he called it. So he did. They pronounced her dead at 1:44am.

    He said she coded at 1:10. 3 minutes after he left the house to go to the hospital. So she didn't suffer, it was pretty damn fast. I helped him make calls to both sides of the family, gave lots of hugs, expressed my sympathy to his sons when he got there, shared hugs with their girlfriends. I took him home at around 3:00, stayed there cause he's just totally in shock. He kept pointing at his bypass scar and saying, "It was supposed to be me." More family started to show up so I left at around 7. So I could get my contacts out for a little bit so they didn't dry out my eyes. And maybe get a nap. I'm going back out there this afternoon.

    Andrea was 43 years old. They had just celebrated their 26th wedding anniversary a couple of weeks ago. I've never been in that situation before, I've never been right next to someone when they were told a loved one was going to die. I tried to do the best I could but I don't feel like I did enough.
    "You are loved" - Plaidman.

  • #2
    *hugs*

    I been in John's place. I was told my husband would die and he did with me by his side without really knowing I was there since they had him in coma.

    You did the only thing that anyone needs at that point. You were there.
    As soon as I start thinking
    That I'm sensible and sane
    The Random Hedgehog comes along
    And fiddles with my Brain
    (from card I got)

    Comment


    • #3


      I don't know what more you *could* have done, short of trying to do CPR yourself.

      Just remember that life is unpredictable, and all you can do is the best attempt at doing the right thing you can. You might see if there is something you can pitch in and lend a hand with for your friend support-wise [this is the big secret behind people bringing over casseroles and cleaning your house when you have a death in the family. It makes it easier to get through the rough patches if you don't have to worry about where the food on your table or if there are clean dishes in the cupboard for a week or so. Same deal goes with serious illnesses or popping out a baby.]
      EVE Online: 99% of the time you sit around waiting for something to happen, but that 1% of action is what hooks people like crack, you don't get interviewed by the BBC for a WoW raid.

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth Lady Legira View Post
        You did the only thing that anyone needs at that point. You were there.
        Agreed. There's no need to beat yourself up over this. Just be there for your friend. That's what he needs. I'm sorry.

        Comment


        • #5
          I don't think there was anything else that you could do other than what you've already done.

          Just be there for your friend to lean on, other than that I'm at a loss.
          Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

          Comment


          • #6
            Kara, Honey, you did exactly the right thing. You were there by your friends side in a time of need. He called and you dropped everything and went to be there. That is the definition of a true friend. I am so sorry for the loss that you are all feeling.

            Comment


            • #7
              You were there for a friend when he needed you most. You did exactly what he needed you to do.

              I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm sure she was a special lady.
              They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

              Comment


              • #8
                Like everyone else said, you did everything you could. What you can do now is be there for them.
                The High Priest is an Illusion!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth Kara View Post
                  I tried to do the best I could but I don't feel like I did enough.
                  You did your best. What more could you do?

                  Darlin', in situations like these, there never is anything that is "enough," in the truest sense of the word.

                  But in reality, you did enough. You did more than enough. You did your best and was there for your friend. Many people in this world would not have done that.

                  Many people could learn from your example. And I have no doubt that your friend felt that you did more than enough. So stop beating yourself up over this. Please. Just stop.

                  You were there. That's what matters most. That's always what matters most.

                  "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                  Still A Customer."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    You did your best, and all you could do. You were there for your friend in his time of need. That's all that matters.
                    "Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid" Redd Foxx as Al Royal - The Royal Family - Pilot Episode - 1991.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Kara, you acted as a true friend does. Your presence at this time was the greatest gift you could give: he did not go through this alone.

                      Keeping you and your friends and their family in my prayers.

                      (((hugs)))
                      Don't wanna; not gonna.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Thanks everyone. I managed to get a little sleep but nothing resembling a full night's worth yet. I knew her, but what broke my heart was seeing how it devastated him. After the 100th "I'm so sorry," you really start wishing there was anything else you could say.

                        I've talked to him a bit today, he has family there and lots of people have been calling to express their sympathy. Reality hasn't quite hit yet, I think. He knows she's gone, but I don't think he's had that realization that she's never ever coming back home. I was going to go over there this evening, but when I found out he has not slept AT ALL, I insisted he at least lay down.
                        "You are loved" - Plaidman.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Kara...babe....if you need, ping me. I'm here if you need me.

                          /big hugs
                          By popular request....I am now officially the Enemy of Normalcy.

                          "What is unobtainium? To Seraph, it's a normal client. :P" -- Observant Friend

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Kara, if he wants you to come over, and you can, you should. He'll sleep when he's ready.

                            "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                            Still A Customer."

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Go hug him. Just sit with him, on a couch. Tell him you love him, and love her, and you're feeling it too. You're BOTH numb. Make some easy food, stick it in front of him and say eat. He's forgotten it.
                              And god..that's got to be so damn hard.
                              In my heart, in my soul, I'm a woman for rock & roll.
                              She's as fast as slugs on barbituates.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X