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I wasn't sure whether to put this here or in Unsupportable (as it does involve computers and some tech jargon), but I figured everyone ought to hear this story. Names changed, just because it makes me feel all secretive when I do that. Note that the days are not all consecutive. This story happened (so far) over about two and a half weeks.
Day 1
Customer comes into the computer department. She's older (about 60, I'd guess), but she seems normal enough. I approach and begin a conversation. Her name is Joan. She wants a laptop, partly because her boss at work just decided to revoke internet privileges (though he did nothing to add restrictions to the network or anything), and she feels that she needs internet access. This was explained to me in great detail--much more than I needed--while I'm watching for clues about what she wanted in a computer so I could make this exchange faster.
She asked me a few simple questions about the laptops we had. I answered them. She asked for details about a couple of them, so I gave her the information I had. She wanted something rather high-end but didn't want to pay a fortune for it. Eventually, she said she was going to go look at some other stores, just to see what they had, thanked me, and left.
She was slightly annoying in that she talked so much and repeated herself often, but I can tolerate that. She seemed a little picky about her potential computer, but I might be picky too if I was looking at a big investment like that. I went about the rest of my evening as normal.
Day 2
Joan returns. When I saw her approaching, I thought she had looked around at other stores, decided we had the best deal, and was coming back to get one.
I thought wrong.
First, she asked me all the same questions she asked on Day 1. Patiently, thinking her just forgetful, I answered them all again. Then she brought out her research. Apparently, she'd been using the internet at work anyway, though she said she had to be sneaky about it, to look things up. She had a couple of printouts from several different websites, and she wanted me to compare them to the computers I had to sell. I do this often with other customers, and I did the same for Joan.
I regret that decision.
I had to go through each of her printouts, individually comparing them to each of the four laptops in my store that she was considering. "This processor's faster, but that has more memory. That one's the same as this one except with a better video card. That one's crap; don't bother."
Joan: (jokingly) Wow, this is a lot more complicated than I thought it would be. Ha ha. I guess I'm not done researching.
Me: Seriously, based on what you've told me, I would suggest this HP, this Sony, or the one from X website. Any of those will do what you want them to do very well.
Joan: Well, I think I'll just keep looking.
She told me her life story again before she left, just for good measure.
Day 3
Joan returns with an ad from one of our competitors a whole parking lot away. She's found a computer there she likes and wants to compare it to three that I have (having ruled one out on her own).
Me: It's the same specs as this Toshiba.
Joan: They're the same size?
Me: Yes, both a 15.4" screen.
Joan: But this one has a keypad. I want one with a keypad.
Me: Well, then the Toshiba's not for you. This HP that I showed you last time has a keypad.
Joan: Is it better?
Me: Yeah, a little bit. It has better video memory than competitor's. It's 256 dedicated instead of 256 that is half shared and half dedicated, but the processor is a little slower.
Joan: But this one's so big!
Me: It's a 17".
Joan: I'll bet it's really heavy too. I don't want a big and heavy one. Don't you have one like this? (shows me competitor's ad again).
Me: I don't have a 15.4" with a keypad, no, but I do have some computers with internal components like that one.
And round and round we went. To the Toshiba, the Sony, the HP, and back again, covering the same differences a dozen times over. I'd gone over some other details as well, and she decided she'd have us set it up with a security package no matter where she got it, but she couldn't make up her mind on what to get. She even asked me to show her some similar laptops from our website. Like a fool, I obliged. I had to print out about 20 pages of spec sheets for her (because she still wasn't allowed to use the internet at work, though she did anyway) before she finally left again.
I went back to work, dreading the next evening when I was sure she'd come in again.
Day 4
She didn't come in the next evening. I was watching for her, but she never appeared. Instead, she came in on my day off and pestered my co-workers with the same series of questions. Co-workers told me later about some crazy woman who wouldn't shut up. One said, "I don't think I'll ever get out of my head the picture of her wrinkled... uh... low-cut shirt." Ew.
I hoped one of them would tell me that she had purchased a computer. Or, failing that, that she had gotten extremely offended. Either way, I didn't want her to come back, and I figured those were some good possibilities for my wish to be granted. Neither was true, so my only hope was that she would find a better deal elsewhere.
Day 5
For this day, I could basically copy and paste the description of Day 3. Only this time, Joan had a sheet of information about an audio mixing program she wanted to run. She showed me the system requirements. It required some dedicated video memory for running the virtual mixing boards. Everything else was pretty standard. This program is not yet Vista compatible, and I pointed that out to her. She said that was not a problem as she had called the company and asked about it. They assured her that the program will be Vista compatible soon, and that the system requirements won't drastically change. I was skeptical about that, but she insisted that they were right and wouldn't steer her in the wrong direction.
So we looked at the computers again. I had narrowed it down to a Sony and an HP long before, and my recommendations still held with her new program needs. But now she was concerned with sound.
She asked to hear some sample music on the laptops--not just the two laptops I'd suggested but about six of them, with external speakers and without. I pulled out my flash drive and hooked it up. She was happy to be able to hear the music, but none of the laptops sounded quite right.
Joan: Is that turned up all the way?
Me: Yes, it is.
Joan: (checks volume anyway) It's awfully quiet.
Me: Well, the laptops have very small speakers, so they'll typically be a little on the quiet side. But remember you're in a very big, very loud store.
Joan: (attempting to turn up volume already displayed as being at 100%) Doesn't it go any louder?
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
And my music didn't suit her either. I'd selected about twenty songs that I thought demonstrated several genres. Joan would double-click one of them to play, and Windows Media Player would start it. As the song was just beginning, she'd switch the window back to the file folder and pick a different song before the first song had played more than five seconds.
Joan: You don't have any good music on here. Who picks this anyway?
Me: Actually, those are all my songs.
Joan: Oh, these are yours? They don't sound very good on these computers.
Me: Well, let them play for more than five seconds so you can hear more of the song, and they might sound a little better. Most songs start a little quiet.
Joan: Don't you have any jazz or something?
Me: Yeah. The Monsters, Inc. theme song.
Joan: Which one?
Me: That one. The one that says "Monsters Inc. Theme."
She clicked it, gave it maybe ten seconds, and wandered away to another computer.
Joan: Can I hear the speakers on this one?
And so we went. But then there was the Sony. She liked those speakers. It was still a 17" screen and did not have the keypad. It was big and heavy, but she loved the sound. Apparently, sound was suddenly the most important part of the purchase.
And...
She said she'd buy one!
...tomorrow.
She wanted to find some reviews on that model, just to be sure it was the one she wanted.
So close!
Day 6
I was off. Joan came in. The night before she had wanted to buy the Sony. Suddenly she had more questions. Apparently my co-workers did not answer those questions satisfactorily, because...
Day 7
...the next day, I was back to work, and so was Joan. We knew she needed dedicated video memory. We didn't know exactly how much. We knew the Sony laptop had dedicated video memory. We didn't know exactly how much. So I tried to look it up in the computer, but I couldn't find it thanks to the security program / advertising screen saver we have to put on all our floor models.
I then tried looking it up online. Joan kept claiming that she had seen something at Sony's site but couldn't remember where it was. I found the answer (256mb dedicated video memory, 896 maximum total video including shared memory), but she insisted that wasn't it. Finally I found what she was looking for, which was a PDF spec sheet for that model. It said "896 Total Available Graphic Memory" and had an asterisk referring to smaller print that said "Total Available Graphic Memory is the combination of dedicated graphic memory from the graphic controller and system memory allocated to graphic processing."
Joan: There! That's it! But... wait... it doesn't say how much memory is there.
Me: No, it doesn't. It said that on that other page.
Joan: No, I remember it saying it here. Look at that (pointing at the smaller print). What does that mean?
Me: That's just explaining what the term Total Available Graphic Memory means.
Joan: What does it mean?
Me: (explains)
Joan: But that doesn't say how much dedicated whatever this has..
Me: No, it doesn't. It says how much total graphic memory it has up here, and the other page said how much was dedicated and how much was shared.
Joan: But what about this? (pointing at the smaller print again)
Me: That's just the definition of Total Available Graphic Memory.
Joan: What's that?
Me: (explains)
Joan: I don't think I get it. I'm not good with all this computer stuff.
We had that conversation about three times. All throughout it, she kept peering over my shoulder and asking me other questions about the computer (software, memory upgradability, battery, software, webcam, warranty, memory upgradability, software). A couple of those questions involved the audio program she wanted, which I'm not extremely familiar with, so I had to look up some more information online. If I took more than a minute to find her answer, she was suddenly ready to give up shopping for a laptop and just go home or call some manufacturer's support line and ask them her questions. I was not going to let all this time and effort go to waste, so I made sure every one of those questions was fully answered. Still she circled back to the graphic memory thing, insisting that she didn't understand why the definition of Total Available Graphic Memory didn't tell her what she wanted to know.
Finally I just told her that, based on what I had read, what information she had given me, and what I knew about the laptops, the Sony would be a great option for her. She wasn't sure. She wanted to hear the speakers again.
Finally, finally, she bought the Sony. Oh, frabjous day, calooh callay! She even bought a case and some services we'd talked about earlier and a few other accessories, which made managers happy. I dropped her and her computer off at the tech bench, thanked her, excused myself, and restrained myself from skipping back to the computer department.
It was over.
Day 8
No, no it wasn't. It couldn't be that easy.
She brought the computer back after having owned it for only two days. She said it was having problems. She claimed it was overheating. She said that all she was doing was listening to a CD and surfing the internet, but the computer got so hot...
Joan: I was afraid it was going to burn right through my blankets and scorch my legs! I had to put rolled up socks under my wrists so it wouldn't burn me while I was typing!
After some talking and trying to reassure her that heat was normal and that a laptop couldn't get that hot without having serious problems, the techs agreed to take it and test it. They held it overnight, letting Windows run with a CD playing all night long. The next morning, it was warm, but nowhere near burning hot. There was nothing wrong with the laptop.
But at least now the techs agree with me: Joan is slightly crazy. I was finally vindicated. All this time I told them about her, but they kept saying that she couldn't be as bad as I described.
That's where the story ends for now. I hope I never have to see her again. She picked up her computer before I showed up for my shift yesterday, and I don't know what kind of exchanges happened then, but I know I don't have a return to restore and put away. Maybe, just maybe, she's finally happy and will have no other reason to return to my store.
If I'm not that lucky, you'll see Day 9 posted here soon.
Day 1
Customer comes into the computer department. She's older (about 60, I'd guess), but she seems normal enough. I approach and begin a conversation. Her name is Joan. She wants a laptop, partly because her boss at work just decided to revoke internet privileges (though he did nothing to add restrictions to the network or anything), and she feels that she needs internet access. This was explained to me in great detail--much more than I needed--while I'm watching for clues about what she wanted in a computer so I could make this exchange faster.
She asked me a few simple questions about the laptops we had. I answered them. She asked for details about a couple of them, so I gave her the information I had. She wanted something rather high-end but didn't want to pay a fortune for it. Eventually, she said she was going to go look at some other stores, just to see what they had, thanked me, and left.
She was slightly annoying in that she talked so much and repeated herself often, but I can tolerate that. She seemed a little picky about her potential computer, but I might be picky too if I was looking at a big investment like that. I went about the rest of my evening as normal.
Day 2
Joan returns. When I saw her approaching, I thought she had looked around at other stores, decided we had the best deal, and was coming back to get one.
I thought wrong.
First, she asked me all the same questions she asked on Day 1. Patiently, thinking her just forgetful, I answered them all again. Then she brought out her research. Apparently, she'd been using the internet at work anyway, though she said she had to be sneaky about it, to look things up. She had a couple of printouts from several different websites, and she wanted me to compare them to the computers I had to sell. I do this often with other customers, and I did the same for Joan.
I regret that decision.
I had to go through each of her printouts, individually comparing them to each of the four laptops in my store that she was considering. "This processor's faster, but that has more memory. That one's the same as this one except with a better video card. That one's crap; don't bother."
Joan: (jokingly) Wow, this is a lot more complicated than I thought it would be. Ha ha. I guess I'm not done researching.
Me: Seriously, based on what you've told me, I would suggest this HP, this Sony, or the one from X website. Any of those will do what you want them to do very well.
Joan: Well, I think I'll just keep looking.
She told me her life story again before she left, just for good measure.
Day 3
Joan returns with an ad from one of our competitors a whole parking lot away. She's found a computer there she likes and wants to compare it to three that I have (having ruled one out on her own).
Me: It's the same specs as this Toshiba.
Joan: They're the same size?
Me: Yes, both a 15.4" screen.
Joan: But this one has a keypad. I want one with a keypad.
Me: Well, then the Toshiba's not for you. This HP that I showed you last time has a keypad.
Joan: Is it better?
Me: Yeah, a little bit. It has better video memory than competitor's. It's 256 dedicated instead of 256 that is half shared and half dedicated, but the processor is a little slower.
Joan: But this one's so big!
Me: It's a 17".
Joan: I'll bet it's really heavy too. I don't want a big and heavy one. Don't you have one like this? (shows me competitor's ad again).
Me: I don't have a 15.4" with a keypad, no, but I do have some computers with internal components like that one.
And round and round we went. To the Toshiba, the Sony, the HP, and back again, covering the same differences a dozen times over. I'd gone over some other details as well, and she decided she'd have us set it up with a security package no matter where she got it, but she couldn't make up her mind on what to get. She even asked me to show her some similar laptops from our website. Like a fool, I obliged. I had to print out about 20 pages of spec sheets for her (because she still wasn't allowed to use the internet at work, though she did anyway) before she finally left again.
I went back to work, dreading the next evening when I was sure she'd come in again.
Day 4
She didn't come in the next evening. I was watching for her, but she never appeared. Instead, she came in on my day off and pestered my co-workers with the same series of questions. Co-workers told me later about some crazy woman who wouldn't shut up. One said, "I don't think I'll ever get out of my head the picture of her wrinkled... uh... low-cut shirt." Ew.
I hoped one of them would tell me that she had purchased a computer. Or, failing that, that she had gotten extremely offended. Either way, I didn't want her to come back, and I figured those were some good possibilities for my wish to be granted. Neither was true, so my only hope was that she would find a better deal elsewhere.
Day 5
For this day, I could basically copy and paste the description of Day 3. Only this time, Joan had a sheet of information about an audio mixing program she wanted to run. She showed me the system requirements. It required some dedicated video memory for running the virtual mixing boards. Everything else was pretty standard. This program is not yet Vista compatible, and I pointed that out to her. She said that was not a problem as she had called the company and asked about it. They assured her that the program will be Vista compatible soon, and that the system requirements won't drastically change. I was skeptical about that, but she insisted that they were right and wouldn't steer her in the wrong direction.
So we looked at the computers again. I had narrowed it down to a Sony and an HP long before, and my recommendations still held with her new program needs. But now she was concerned with sound.
She asked to hear some sample music on the laptops--not just the two laptops I'd suggested but about six of them, with external speakers and without. I pulled out my flash drive and hooked it up. She was happy to be able to hear the music, but none of the laptops sounded quite right.
Joan: Is that turned up all the way?
Me: Yes, it is.
Joan: (checks volume anyway) It's awfully quiet.
Me: Well, the laptops have very small speakers, so they'll typically be a little on the quiet side. But remember you're in a very big, very loud store.
Joan: (attempting to turn up volume already displayed as being at 100%) Doesn't it go any louder?
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
And my music didn't suit her either. I'd selected about twenty songs that I thought demonstrated several genres. Joan would double-click one of them to play, and Windows Media Player would start it. As the song was just beginning, she'd switch the window back to the file folder and pick a different song before the first song had played more than five seconds.
Joan: You don't have any good music on here. Who picks this anyway?
Me: Actually, those are all my songs.
Joan: Oh, these are yours? They don't sound very good on these computers.
Me: Well, let them play for more than five seconds so you can hear more of the song, and they might sound a little better. Most songs start a little quiet.
Joan: Don't you have any jazz or something?
Me: Yeah. The Monsters, Inc. theme song.
Joan: Which one?
Me: That one. The one that says "Monsters Inc. Theme."
She clicked it, gave it maybe ten seconds, and wandered away to another computer.
Joan: Can I hear the speakers on this one?
And so we went. But then there was the Sony. She liked those speakers. It was still a 17" screen and did not have the keypad. It was big and heavy, but she loved the sound. Apparently, sound was suddenly the most important part of the purchase.
And...
She said she'd buy one!
...tomorrow.
She wanted to find some reviews on that model, just to be sure it was the one she wanted.
So close!
Day 6
I was off. Joan came in. The night before she had wanted to buy the Sony. Suddenly she had more questions. Apparently my co-workers did not answer those questions satisfactorily, because...
Day 7
...the next day, I was back to work, and so was Joan. We knew she needed dedicated video memory. We didn't know exactly how much. We knew the Sony laptop had dedicated video memory. We didn't know exactly how much. So I tried to look it up in the computer, but I couldn't find it thanks to the security program / advertising screen saver we have to put on all our floor models.
I then tried looking it up online. Joan kept claiming that she had seen something at Sony's site but couldn't remember where it was. I found the answer (256mb dedicated video memory, 896 maximum total video including shared memory), but she insisted that wasn't it. Finally I found what she was looking for, which was a PDF spec sheet for that model. It said "896 Total Available Graphic Memory" and had an asterisk referring to smaller print that said "Total Available Graphic Memory is the combination of dedicated graphic memory from the graphic controller and system memory allocated to graphic processing."
Joan: There! That's it! But... wait... it doesn't say how much memory is there.
Me: No, it doesn't. It said that on that other page.
Joan: No, I remember it saying it here. Look at that (pointing at the smaller print). What does that mean?
Me: That's just explaining what the term Total Available Graphic Memory means.
Joan: What does it mean?
Me: (explains)
Joan: But that doesn't say how much dedicated whatever this has..
Me: No, it doesn't. It says how much total graphic memory it has up here, and the other page said how much was dedicated and how much was shared.
Joan: But what about this? (pointing at the smaller print again)
Me: That's just the definition of Total Available Graphic Memory.
Joan: What's that?
Me: (explains)
Joan: I don't think I get it. I'm not good with all this computer stuff.
We had that conversation about three times. All throughout it, she kept peering over my shoulder and asking me other questions about the computer (software, memory upgradability, battery, software, webcam, warranty, memory upgradability, software). A couple of those questions involved the audio program she wanted, which I'm not extremely familiar with, so I had to look up some more information online. If I took more than a minute to find her answer, she was suddenly ready to give up shopping for a laptop and just go home or call some manufacturer's support line and ask them her questions. I was not going to let all this time and effort go to waste, so I made sure every one of those questions was fully answered. Still she circled back to the graphic memory thing, insisting that she didn't understand why the definition of Total Available Graphic Memory didn't tell her what she wanted to know.
Finally I just told her that, based on what I had read, what information she had given me, and what I knew about the laptops, the Sony would be a great option for her. She wasn't sure. She wanted to hear the speakers again.
Finally, finally, she bought the Sony. Oh, frabjous day, calooh callay! She even bought a case and some services we'd talked about earlier and a few other accessories, which made managers happy. I dropped her and her computer off at the tech bench, thanked her, excused myself, and restrained myself from skipping back to the computer department.
It was over.
Day 8
No, no it wasn't. It couldn't be that easy.
She brought the computer back after having owned it for only two days. She said it was having problems. She claimed it was overheating. She said that all she was doing was listening to a CD and surfing the internet, but the computer got so hot...
Joan: I was afraid it was going to burn right through my blankets and scorch my legs! I had to put rolled up socks under my wrists so it wouldn't burn me while I was typing!
After some talking and trying to reassure her that heat was normal and that a laptop couldn't get that hot without having serious problems, the techs agreed to take it and test it. They held it overnight, letting Windows run with a CD playing all night long. The next morning, it was warm, but nowhere near burning hot. There was nothing wrong with the laptop.
But at least now the techs agree with me: Joan is slightly crazy. I was finally vindicated. All this time I told them about her, but they kept saying that she couldn't be as bad as I described.
That's where the story ends for now. I hope I never have to see her again. She picked up her computer before I showed up for my shift yesterday, and I don't know what kind of exchanges happened then, but I know I don't have a return to restore and put away. Maybe, just maybe, she's finally happy and will have no other reason to return to my store.
If I'm not that lucky, you'll see Day 9 posted here soon.
I AM the evil bastard!
Laptop overheating? That's not a software issue. Get thee to Sony, crazy lady!
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