Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[fireheart]

Does the supplied lanyard have a breakaway device? This is a safety measure - if the lanyard gets caught on something, the breakaway will separate with a few pounds of tension, keeping it from strangling the wearer.

If it doesn't (and I've seen a lot that don't - including those distributed with ID cards at trade shows), then there's an occupational health and safety issue. Wearing the (no-breakaway) company-supplied lanyard instead of your own (with breakaway) is an unsafe practice - and you can't help it if the first breakaway lanyard you were able to find was a rainbow one.

The company lanyard does have a breakaway device, as does the one that my keys are on (and will soon be replaced as the logos have fallen off).

[catcul]

At the mental health clinic, when a patient says, "I don't want to be here," I'm not allowed to say, "The only two ways you get to leave are to get well or die."

[fireheart]

I am not allowed to start randomly screaming "SPACESHIP".

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Please try really hard to not let a "Jesus Fuckin' H Christ" slip around your uber-religious co-worker, y'know, the one who always wears long skirts to work.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I can't chase folks out the back door with the cane I have stashed beside my desk.

Nor can I grab 'em by the waist with the curved end of it (like in the vintage Looney Toons cartoons) and yank 'em back inside.

[Deevil]

I'm not allowed to play with stomp rockets...but balloon volleyball in between calls is apparently fine.

[CrappyToHelp]

Laugh when children ask "Can I play with your hose?"

[fireheart]

Laugh when children ask "Can I play with your hose?"

I am not allowed to walk into the art teachers room and announce that "I have balls!"

[drunkenwildmage]

Turn the old Sun E450 Server into a kegerator, or Auto-bar.

[Canadian In Maine]

When customers ask me what the new 'Ultimate Cinnamon Bun' is like I'm not allowed to tell them it's better than sex.

It is.

[fireheart]

I am not allowed to encourage my boss to use the Russian Elmo voice.
Or the Sinister Elmo voice.
He is not allowed to dress up as Magalor for work.
He is not allowed to do Sinister Elmo while dressed up as Magalor.

[purple]

I am not allowed to dress Steve the sheep for events (holidays, sport games ect) espically if it is in support of the team playing my bosses team.

[Teysa]

I am not allowed to throw the turkey meat off the train when it doesn't pull apart easily.
I am not allowed to drink the mini bottles of liquor and say they spilled.
I am not allowed to ask annoying passengers if they want to take a walk outside.

[Seanette]

I'm not allowed to play with stomp rockets...but balloon volleyball in between calls is apparently fine.

Did that once in a call center during a slow period (about six or eight participants). Supervisor didn't care as long as calls were answered promptly. About my only pleasant memory of that job.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

When two co-workers are discussing whether or not to display canned cashews and peanuts on an endcap, do not interrupt their conversation to make a "deez nuts" joke.

Upon seeing a game of making words from the letters in "chewy delicious dots" on the back of a box of Dots candy, do not announce that the first word you came up with is "dildo."

The box said you could only use each letter once.

OBJECTION! I used the "d" in delicious and the "d" in dots. So I used those letters only once. So .