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Stories and Suggestions (long)
Is it bad to think of our customers as somewhat like vultures? To me it seems whenever the store is low on staff and/or product are the times when they all decide that they need ice cream “Now”. I only think this because of how vultures find food is similar to how my customers come in to make the store busy when it's struggling.
I had a women come through drive through who lacked all rudimentary basics of parenting. While she ordered, her kids were talking loudly in the background, interrupting her and even tried to order burgers and such. These “kids” were all teenagers, so more than old enough to know better. It was so bad that after they left with their order, the women behind her even commented to me on how rambunctious they were and how terrible the women was as a parent.
Some tips for my customers:
• We do not make sodas anymore. It hasn’t been on our menu for over a year and our pop machine was taken out over eight months ago. Don’t get all huffy when I tell you we can’t make them. They’re gone, accept it. Please stop asking for them.
• Here’s a simple suggestion for new customers. If you don’t know what you want, don’t go through the drive. Your indecision ruins the flow and creates a back up of cars. Come inside, we’ll welcome you, give you suggestions and let you get on your way.
• Seriously, how can you not know what you want? You’ve been waiting in line for at least fifteen minutes with a colorful 3’x12’ menu board in front of you, as well as paper menus on the podium next to you. What were you doing? Do I want to know?
• Don’t look irritated when you have to wait. You made the decision to come to our store despite the long drive through line and the near full parking lot and the long line inside. Shockingly, after you make your order, you will have to wait for us to get to it. Even if it is only one item, it was after several people before you ordered several items.
• Listen to me through the speaker! When I greet you and tell you to wait a moment, you need to wait. Beginning to order will only give you my ire and force me to tell you to wait again. I don’t like to repeat myself due to your lack of listening skills.
• Yes, I am black; I know this because I can see. This doesn’t give you an opportunity to use thug-life mannerisms. Since we are in the far, far suburbs of Chicago, none of us are thugs and never will be. Your attempt to “reach” me has only made me hate you more.
• Your jokes generally suck. There are the occasional gems and I appreciate those, but for the most part, just no. Unless your day job is as a good stand-up comic, I do not want to hear your routine.
• Control your children! You may love them, but we don’t.
• We close at 11. At 11:02, we would greatly appreciate it if your being was kindly removed from the building. We do have lives outside this store and wish to close and go home. You know why the chairs are up on the tables around you, because we are closed. To the 2 people who have ever asked if we were closed, I thank you for leaving when you heard the answer was “yes”.
• Though we close at 11, we keep the drive through open for PACKAGED-ITEMS ONLY. This means no shakes, no sundaes, no smoothies, and no lattes. You can only buy items that are from our cooler and freezer. When I tell you packaged-items only, then you respond with an item from above, I will repeat what I said before until your brain begins to work.
• We are NOT Dairy Queen neither are we Baskin Robbins. Asking us if we do what they do, will only makes us think you’re a twit and should go to their store if you want that particular style of sundae or ice cream.
• Finally read the MENU. Read It, Read It. <jedi
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I had a women come through drive through who lacked all rudimentary basics of parenting. While she ordered, her kids were talking loudly in the background, interrupting her and even tried to order burgers and such. These “kids” were all teenagers, so more than old enough to know better. It was so bad that after they left with their order, the women behind her even commented to me on how rambunctious they were and how terrible the women was as a parent.
Some tips for my customers:
• We do not make sodas anymore. It hasn’t been on our menu for over a year and our pop machine was taken out over eight months ago. Don’t get all huffy when I tell you we can’t make them. They’re gone, accept it. Please stop asking for them.
• Here’s a simple suggestion for new customers. If you don’t know what you want, don’t go through the drive. Your indecision ruins the flow and creates a back up of cars. Come inside, we’ll welcome you, give you suggestions and let you get on your way.
• Seriously, how can you not know what you want? You’ve been waiting in line for at least fifteen minutes with a colorful 3’x12’ menu board in front of you, as well as paper menus on the podium next to you. What were you doing? Do I want to know?
• Don’t look irritated when you have to wait. You made the decision to come to our store despite the long drive through line and the near full parking lot and the long line inside. Shockingly, after you make your order, you will have to wait for us to get to it. Even if it is only one item, it was after several people before you ordered several items.
• Listen to me through the speaker! When I greet you and tell you to wait a moment, you need to wait. Beginning to order will only give you my ire and force me to tell you to wait again. I don’t like to repeat myself due to your lack of listening skills.
• Yes, I am black; I know this because I can see. This doesn’t give you an opportunity to use thug-life mannerisms. Since we are in the far, far suburbs of Chicago, none of us are thugs and never will be. Your attempt to “reach” me has only made me hate you more.
• Your jokes generally suck. There are the occasional gems and I appreciate those, but for the most part, just no. Unless your day job is as a good stand-up comic, I do not want to hear your routine.
• Control your children! You may love them, but we don’t.
• We close at 11. At 11:02, we would greatly appreciate it if your being was kindly removed from the building. We do have lives outside this store and wish to close and go home. You know why the chairs are up on the tables around you, because we are closed. To the 2 people who have ever asked if we were closed, I thank you for leaving when you heard the answer was “yes”.
• Though we close at 11, we keep the drive through open for PACKAGED-ITEMS ONLY. This means no shakes, no sundaes, no smoothies, and no lattes. You can only buy items that are from our cooler and freezer. When I tell you packaged-items only, then you respond with an item from above, I will repeat what I said before until your brain begins to work.
• We are NOT Dairy Queen neither are we Baskin Robbins. Asking us if we do what they do, will only makes us think you’re a twit and should go to their store if you want that particular style of sundae or ice cream.
• Finally read the MENU. Read It, Read It. <jedi
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