Wasting Away Again in Jesterland....

[Jester]

It's been a while, but here are some of the memorable customers I or my crew have dealt with over the last few months.


He Knows What He Wants
HIM: "I'll have a martini."
ME: "Would you like that up or on the rocks?"
HIM: "Cold."


She Can't Get What She Wants
Coworker answers phone for a delivery order...
CW: "Okay, I'll need your name and phone number."
CALLER: "I don't have those."


Why Couldn't He Be Beached On Another Island?
Customer says this is his first time on an island. Asks where the water is. I tell him, correctly, that he'll get to the water no matter which way he walks. Same customers goes on and on about how his best friend back home has been bartending for years, then leaves me no tip on his $20 tab. This was on a credit slip, upon which he had written in the total, so it's not like he forgot.


A New Kind of Beer
HIM: "What do you have for bottle drafts?"
ME: "Excuse me?"
HIM: "What do you have for bottle drafts?"
ME: *blink blink*
HIS FRIENDS:
HIM:
His friends and I were cracking up, and they continued to ride him long after I'd moved on. I'm sure they still are.


Film At Go Fuck Yourself
Camera crew comes in to film something for a TV show about Key West. Never asked permission, just did it. At one point, without asking, the cameraman gets behind the bar and is filming the talent at the bar. Rule #1 of bar etiquette is you NEVER go behind the bar without the bartender's permission. Annoyed, but trying to go along, I say nothing. Cameraman stops filming, now they are just chatting, he is still behind the bar, and in my way. I politely tell him that he needs to get out from behind the bar. He mutters an apology and does so. Later, filming again, he again comes behind the bar without asking permission. As I'm busier than the first time, and he's still in my way, this is even more annoying, but again, I try to be cool and say nothing. The group finishes up, and pays their tab of $34.50. And leaves me a whopping tip of $1.50. I hope the cameraman drops his huge camera on his tiny pecker, and that a faulty fuse electrocutes them all.


Charged
DRUNK GIRL: "Do you have an iPhone charger?"
ME: "Sorry, no."

[Five minute later...]
DRUNK GIRL: "Do you have an iPhone charger?"
ME: "Um, no."

[Two minutes later...]
DRUNK GIRL: "Are you SURE you don't have an iPhone charger back there?"
ME: "Nope, just like when you asked me the last two times, I don't have an iPhone charger."
DRUNK GIRL: "Oh, come on. I know you have one."
ME: "I really don't."
DRUNK GIRL: "You SO have an iPhone."
ME: "Actually, I have a Droid."
DRUNK GIRL: "I don't believe you."
ME: *shows her my Droid*
DRUNK GIRL: "..."

[Two minutes later...]
DRUNK GIRL: (To my coworker behind the bar with me) "Do YOU have an iPhone?"
COWORKER: "Yes."
DRUNK GIRL: "Do you have an iPhone charger???"
COWORKER: "No."
DRUNK GIRL:
ME AND MY COWORKER:


Come On Baby, Light My Fire
Very visibly drunk dude wanders in right at the end of my shift, unlit cigarette in hand.

HIM: "Hey, got a light?"
ME: [initially ignoring the fact that you can smoke in inside bars that serve food in Florida] "Nope. Don't smoke."
HIM: "You don't have any matches?"
ME: "No. As I told you, I don't smoke. And the bar doesn't carry matches, since you can't smoke in here due to state law."
HIM: "If I spent $500 in here--which I could--you'd find a light for me."
ME: "Sir, I can't make something I don't have simply appear."
MY UNSPOKEN THOUGHTS: "You're not spending any money in here, and based upon your appearance and condition, I doubt you could drop five bills in here. And even if you wanted to spend money here, you are far too fucked up for me to even consider serving your dumb drunk ass anyway."
HIM: "You just lost my business." (As if he was even a paying customer.)
ME: "Sir, I still can't make something appear out of nowhere."
HIM: *leaves*
ME AND MY COWORKER:


HUH???
CUSTOMER: "Can I have three bottles of water? And one of them no ice."


What's Below The Well, Lassie?
HER: "How much is a vodka cranberry?"
ME: "Well, that depends on the vodka."
HER: "Doesn't matter. Your well."
ME: "Six dollars."
HER: "Do you have anything cheaper than that?"
ME: "....That's our well."

So she and her friends got drinks and food, and loved everything. When it came time to pay, they handed me the check presenter and cheerfully said, "Keep the change!"

The bill was $56.08.
Inside the check presenter was three twenties, for a big fat tip of $3.92. I was shocked, I tell you. Utterly shocked.


Russian Sunrise?
CUSTOMER: "Can I get a margarita for the happy hour price?"
ME: "No, but you can get a Tequila Sunrise."
CUSTOMER: "Doesn't that have vodka in it?"

[MoonCat]

She Can't Get What She Wants
Coworker answers phone for a delivery order...
CW: "Okay, I'll need your name and phone number."
CALLER: "I don't have those."

Then you don't exist. Next, please!

Wow, you had some doozies! Love the "got a light" idiot. What is it with people who say you just "lost their business" when they weren't going to buy anything, anyway? And all for a match? A frickin' MATCH? Moron.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

Some SCs claim there's a barman to blame,
but he knows, it's their own damn fault.

[Akasa]

Oh that was good Crazed!

[Jay 2K Winger]

Livin' in Key West
Where life's just the best
All those tourists needin' cheese with their whine
Startin' the work day
Pourin' out Mount Gay
With no ID, they're just wastin' their time

Wastin' away again in sunny Jesterland
Searching for their free t-shirt for shots
Some gripers claim that there's a Jester to blame
But we know, it's their own damn fault.

[wordgirl]

Wow. That film crew though. What jackholes.

If that ever happens again, it would probably be a real good idea to make a quick phone call to be sure they are authorized to film there. If they get caught filming and they find out you didn't at least check, it could rebound on you. I've been on the other side of that (working with a photographer, in this case a news photographer) and unless it was hot breaking news, we always got permission from someone who was at least manager level.

[wolfie]

HIM: "What do you have for bottle drafts?"
ME: "Excuse me?"
HIM: "What do you have for bottle drafts?"
ME: *blink blink*
HIS FRIENDS:
HIM:

Be glad he wasn't trying to use the BOGO coupon that came out a while back. IIRC, it appeared in 2 places, printed on the box both times - set of spark plugs for a Cummins, and with the President's Choice kosher shrimp ring.

Camera crew comes in to film something for a TV show about Key West. Never asked permission, just did it.

Unless it's breaking news (i.e. filming the scene of a "hot news" story), they won't be able to use the footage commercially without getting sued for everything they've got. If they didn't ask for permission, they clearly don't have a property release from the bar owner, or a model release from everyone in the shot.

[Crossbow]

Unless it's breaking news (i.e. filming the scene of a "hot news" story), they won't be able to use the footage commercially without getting sued for everything they've got. If they didn't ask for permission, they clearly don't have a property release from the bar owner, or a model release from everyone in the shot.

THIS.

Make sure everyone is keeping an eye out for the show, Jester. If it does air, the bar should be going after them pretty much instantly.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Be glad he wasn't trying to use the BOGO coupon that came out a while back. IIRC, it appeared in 2 places, printed on the box both times - set of spark plugs for a Cummins, and with the President's Choice kosher shrimp ring.

The shrimp I knew about, but I had to look up Cummins engines to get that reference.

[WishfulSpirit]

I don't think even the news is allowed to go inside private buildings without owner consent. Every time I've watched the news and they're reporting something going on inside a structure, the reporter is standing on the sidewalk. I think they have to film from outside. Well, unless part of the building is missing due to said news event and is therefore now view-able from public space, maybe?

[wolfie]

They can't go inside without consent, but they can use the footage shot from outside without consent. In cases where it isn't breaking news, they need a property release in order to be able to use the footage. Couple of examples:

- Bar is struck by lightning, catches fire. They can broadcast footage of the burning building, or the burned-out wreckage the next day, without consent, as part of a news story.

- TV station is doing a feature story about theme bars in the city. They can't use footage of the bar without a property release, since this is not a news story.

Not a lawyer, but my understanding is that the time element of the story has to be such that the time needed to obtain a release would mean the footage would no longer be newsworthy before they can use it without a release.

[wordgirl]

Just a small correction: Journalists can go inside businesses - at least in that part of a business that is open to any other member of the public - without consent up to the point where they are told not to be there, i.e. issued a trespass warning. One of our reporters went into several local shops once to survey the variety of bongs, pipes etc. that were on sale. Another time, a local politician was arrested for misdemeanor consensual naughtiness in a department-store restroom - there are photos of said restroom in our archives and a first-person account of what it looked like (from a female reporter, no less.)

As a general rule, though, as I said above, a responsible reporter/photographer/videographer will generally touch base with someone with authority, and at least let them know we are going to be there (which gives them the chance to say "Do not come on our property.") For most news stories, there's really no need to push your way into a situation.

Releases are never required for journalistic activity protected by the First Amendment. There was one famous case where a reporter was sent to cover a farmer's market in the parking lot of a shopping mall - a real nothingburger of an assignment. She took a photo of a couple kissing and it ran. Turns out the lovebirds were married - to other people. They sued. They lost on the grounds of invasion of privacy, and they lost on the grounds that the reporter didn't have permission to be at the shopping mall taking pictures. MassComLaw twofer!

Now, commercial activity is a whole 'nother thing. If you're going to use someone's image solely for commercial gain, you better have a release. And honestly what Jester described SOUNDS very much like commercial shooting - a promotional spot.

[Jester]

Unless it's breaking news (i.e. filming the scene of a "hot news" story), they won't be able to use the footage commercially without getting sued for everything they've got. If they didn't ask for permission, they clearly don't have a property release from the bar owner, or a model release from everyone in the shot.

Everyone they were filming definitely were there voluntarily. As for permission, well, without getting into details, they had at least tacit permission from the company to film on location (one of those being filmed is management at another bar in the company), though it was all news to me and the MOD at the time. Even so, they should know better than to come behind a bar without asking the bartender first.

[notalwaysright]

I think one of the quickest ways to piss someone off is to invade their space. Someone walks behind the cutting counter and my mind is like "GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!" There's really no half-way, it doesn't matter why they go back there, it's my area. Maybe not my personal space, because other employees go back there. But it's different somehow.