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Beware the speed demon...

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  • Beware the speed demon...

    Once in awhile I get that kind of really special SC. The kind who is EXTRA sucky and EXTRA demeaning and EXTRA condescending. An Alpha-SC if you will.

    This gentleman, who I've nicknamed the Speed Demon, is one of those.

    To give you an idea how bad he is, our account notes generally look something like this:

    Customer Service Call
    SYSTEM NOTE
    SYSTEM NOTE
    PLAN CHANGE
    SYSTEM NOTE
    Customer Service Call
    SYSTEM NOTE
    SYSTEM NOTE

    This guys notes look something like this:

    Customer Service Call
    MANAGER CALL
    Customer Service Call
    Customer Service Call
    MANAGER CALL
    Customer Service Call
    MANAGER CALL
    Customer Service Call
    MANAGER CALL
    Customer Service Call
    MANAGER CALL
    MANAGER CALL
    Customer Service Call
    Customer Service Call
    MANAGER CALL

    And WHY do they look like this? Well, Mr. Speed Demon is one of those hardcore customer types who tracks his network speeds in EXCRUCIATING detail, so much so that if they drop a mere few kbps, he calls us FREAKING OUT, demanding credits, demanding network engineers be sent out and threatening to sue us for the oh so popular "false advertising" because now it takes him 3 milliseconds longer to watch the new episode of the Game of Thrones.

    He's the classic SC bully and somehow he's wrangled us out of, wait for it, $712 in credits this year alone!

    Anyway, he's been so prolific an SC (I've spoken to him five times on Manager calls) that someone at corporate apparently took notice of him and now he's on our internal list of problem customers. So if he keeps going the way he has been, we will eventually disconnect his services and tell him to go pound sand.

    In the meantime he and go around every other week or so, just like this...

    SD: I am NOT getting the speeds I should be!!
    Me: Actually, yes you are.
    SD: NO I AM NOT! THIS IS PROPOSTEROUS! I DEMAND YOU BOOST MY SPEED NOW!
    Me: You've made aware multiple times that's not possible.
    SD: Then I would like a credit for my inconvenience.
    Me: I'm sorry, you've recieved numerous credits for the same in the past few months. so I can't offer you any more.
    SD: I'm not asking you, I'm telling you.
    Me: So am I. We can't give you any more credits.
    SD: GIVE ME A CREDIT!!
    Me: No.
    SD: GIVE ME A CREDIT!
    Me: No
    SD: GIVE ME A CREDIT YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF HORSE MANURE!!
    Me: No, and if you continue with the abusive language, I will disconnect the call.
    SD: F**K YOU!! GIVE ME A CREDIT OR GIVE ME MY PROMISED SPEEDS OR I WILL SUE YOU!!
    Me: As I've told you before, you are free to pursue legal action against us if you wish.
    SD: GIVE ME A CREDIT!
    Me: No.
    SD: THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! I'LL HAVE YOUR JOB FOR THIS! I'LL HAVE ALL OF YOUR JOBS FOR THIS!!! *CLICK*

    Ugh, we can't kick this guy to the curb fast enough.
    Last edited by CrazedClerkthe2nd; 05-23-2016, 06:49 PM.
    "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

  • #2
    $712 in credits and it's only late-may? You have to wonder what The Powers That Be are waiting for? Let him go suck down the profits of some other carrier. Of course, he'll probably blow through his other three options (Blue, Magenta, and Yellow) in short order and be stuck yelling at some luckless outsourced overseas rep with TrainFone, who will proceed to not give a $hit, pretend not to understand him, and simply hang up on his sorry a$$.

    (I had service with a TrainFone brand for a few years, and you totally get what you pay for there... it works great if you are a low-maintenance customer (like I am), but anything beyond that and it just don't work well.)

    Comment


    • #3
      It seem plainly obvious this clown will NEVER be satisfied and WILL continue to be a drain on resources and profits.

      This idiot cannot be dumped fast enough. And then laugh when your competitors refuse him service...

      Comment


      • #4
        Threaten to fire the people that gave him the credits if they give him anymore going forward, that's the way you solve this problem.

        Comment


        • #5
          Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't Internet speeds usually advertised as "up to" a certain speed?
          Skilled programmers aren't cheap. Cheap programmers aren't skilled.

          Comment


          • #6
            mjr - Yup. Certain ones (such as T1 et al) MAY have a guaranteed minimum, but it's rare. Even those come with caveats.
            "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
            "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
            "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
            "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
            "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
            "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
            Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
            "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

            Comment


            • #7
              Man, and I'm sitting here wondering if I can ever figure out why there's a dead spot in my driveway. It's not the cell phone company's fault, but the exact spot where I park my car, which is where I like to go if I have a phone conversation I don't want the whole house hearing, is the one spot that drops calls all the freaking time (Ask Jester about this. He's been on the other ends of those calls. It's really freaking annoying).

              And I really am a "high dollar" customer. I have 7 smart phones, two tables and a 32GB data plan. My cell phone bill isn't cheap. But I still won't ask the company to compensate me for that.
              At the conclusion of an Irish wedding, the priest said "Everybody please hug the person who has made your life worth living. The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth mathnerd View Post
                ... I have 7 smart phones, two tables and a 32GB data plan...
                I'm guessing those are the tables in the formal dining room?
                I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Whoops. Tablets. Including the one that autocorrected that post.
                  At the conclusion of an Irish wedding, the priest said "Everybody please hug the person who has made your life worth living. The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    math - It being outside, probably just a quirk of the geography and reflection of the signal, as it gets bounced around all of the structures and foliage (if any) nearby.
                    "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                    "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                    "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                    "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                    "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                    "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                    Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
                    "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth sirwired View Post
                      $712 in credits and it's only late-may? You have to wonder what The Powers That Be are waiting for? Let him go suck down the profits of some other carrier. Of course, he'll probably blow through his other three options (Blue, Magenta, and Yellow) in short order and be stuck yelling at some luckless outsourced overseas rep with TrainFone, who will proceed to not give a $hit, pretend not to understand him, and simply hang up on his sorry a$$.

                      (I had service with a TrainFone brand for a few years, and you totally get what you pay for there... it works great if you are a low-maintenance customer (like I am), but anything beyond that and it just don't work well.)
                      Unfortunately the internal team that takes care of "firing" customers for us is woefully slow. I remember one particularly rage-y SC I spoke to back in June of 2014. This guy remains to this day one of the WORST customers I've ever had the displeasure of dealing with.

                      His notes were PLASTERED with mentions of how abusive, vulgar, racist and demanding he was. When I got him he had already been on our internal problem customer list for awhile going back to 2013 and it took almost another entire year (and many more abusive, vulgar and racist calls) to FINALLY convince them to drop the ban hammer on that horrible waste of oxygen.
                      Last edited by CrazedClerkthe2nd; 05-25-2016, 01:41 AM.
                      "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth mathnerd View Post
                        Whoops. Tablets. Including the one that autocorrected that post.
                        Mine has an autoquirkette function.
                        I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                        Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                        Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth mathnerd View Post
                          Man, and I'm sitting here wondering if I can ever figure out why there's a dead spot in my driveway. It's not the cell phone company's fault, but the exact spot where I park my car, which is where I like to go if I have a phone conversation I don't want the whole house hearing, is the one spot that drops calls all the freaking time (Ask Jester about this. He's been on the other ends of those calls. It's really freaking annoying).

                          And I really am a "high dollar" customer. I have 7 smart phones, two tables and a 32GB data plan. My cell phone bill isn't cheap. But I still won't ask the company to compensate me for that.
                          My guess would be either a local interference source or your driveway might be over top of a "hand off" point between towers where the signal of each overlaps and in your case, the overlap is not working well and causing you to drop calls. I suspect it's the former though.
                          "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            It's very likely to be a phenomenon known as "multipath interference". This occurs when the signal arrives (from a single source) along two or more paths of slightly differing lengths, and the difference in length (at lightspeed) delays one signal just enough to either cancel or muffle the other.

                            The car itself is entirely likely to factor into this - so it may not be a coincidence.

                            Multipath is why you often get a rapid fluttering effect when listening to the radio and driving near the edge of the station's coverage.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth CrazedClerkthe2nd View Post
                              My guess would be either a local interference source or your driveway might be over top of a "hand off" point between towers where the signal of each overlaps and in your case, the overlap is not working well and causing you to drop calls. I suspect it's the former though.
                              Quoting just this one, but directed to the others who ventured a guess as well:

                              My house is about 3/4 up the side of a neighborhood named "Mount <name>". It's not kind of a baby mountain; more than a hill, less than a mountain. Those familiar with Southern California will know what I mean. The topology creates a kind of fishbowl. It's a highly populated area of a major city, so coverage is fine, but I think the specific geography comes into play here more than anything. It's just annoying because that particular spot is really, really bad and it's the one spot that I like to sit. I like to sit in the driver's seat of my car to talk. I can sit in the passenger seat or the back seat right behind the driver and not have an issue, but the driver's seat itself is a problem. It's like a two foot square dead spot and it's irritating as anything. And I don't like to sit in the passenger seat or the back seat because the slope of the driveway makes those uncomfortable.
                              At the conclusion of an Irish wedding, the priest said "Everybody please hug the person who has made your life worth living. The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

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