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Ok, so this guy came in today and he was one of those customers that no sooner he got onto the carpark, much less walked in the door, you could tell he was gonna be an SC. On our carpark there is a company demonstrating the next generation of in-car computer (the fact they are still having to plug these cars in to run the computers all day says to me not to buy one until they can get it to run off the alternator) but they had taken one of the cars out to grab lunch so to keep their space, they coned-off the space they were in. SC stopped, got out of his car, moved the cones onto the adjacent grass verge and parked there.
You couldn’t actually see that from the tech desk, that was what I was told by security later
Comes up to tech and of course, who is the one who serves him? ...yeah. Me.
Me: Tech who seems to be attracting abuse just lately
SC: Laptop guy
BCH: Branch call handling guy
SC: *almost throws the laptop onto the counter* this fucking thing isn’t charging it’s battery again. It’s just out of its warranty now, but I complained about it when it was inside the warranty. It’s still not been sorted
Now, this isn’t un-common with electrical devices. The nature of electricity is such that you can think you’ve sorted the problem, and it seems to work long enough for you to test the new components or the fix...then when it comes to the actual deployment and using it in real life, it fails almost immediately. The best example is when your power goes off. You’ll see it sometimes where it comes back on for a brief second, then goes back out again. That’s because national grid have thought they have fixed the problem, but haven’t.
So I take the computer and the charger, put it on my work bench, plug it in, power it up ad hover the mouse pointer over the battery symbol. To my surprise, it does in fact say “Battery: 0% Plugged in, Not charging. Power mode: Balanced”
Me: *Walks back out with the computer* Yeah. Looks like the battery just doesn’t want to know. Can I see your receipt?
He hands me the receipt. The computer is 23 months old. And, total surprise, I look on the computer and I find that the log about the battery not charging was logged on the computer at 7 months old however, the laptop was on test in the workshop for a week. Apparently they have realised batteries can be a bit of a bastard so they obviously test them much longer. On test for a week; problem fixed.
Me: Okay, the computer is 23 months old, the problem was fixed. You need to buy a new battery
SC: *raises his voice* What?! You have to do something
Me: I don’t have to do a damn thing. I SHOULD charge you for the diagnostic but since it only took me 2 seconds, I’ll let it slide
SC: *starts shouting* This is fuckin’ ridiculous. I demand that you sort my computer out this very fuckin second, you worthless little fuck!
Me: *Points to a sign just above and to the left of me* this sign says that I have the right to work in a safe environment and that the company will actively prosecute anybody who does not respect that right. If you continue to yell and swear at me, you and your computer WILL be kicked out
SC: Bollocks. I want to speak to your manager right fucking now, you little shit
Me: Right, I warned you...
This is the point where I get to test out a new line to my particular brand of pwnage
Me: ...*Picks up his laptop and walks away towards the doors*
SC: Where the hell do you think you’re going?!
Me: I told you that if you continued then you would be removed from the building *Stops at security and speaks to the guard* Please don’t let this guy back in
Security: Fine
Me: *Continues to walk outside with the laptop under my arm. Gets to the pavement at the end of the car park, SC still in tow and I place the laptop on the pavement, then turn around and walk back to the store smiling inwardly*
Needless to say the guy EXPLODED
SC: YOU WERE JUST GONNA LEAVE THAT HERE?!!
Me: I told you that you would be ejected from the building. If you come back in, the security guard will detain in and you will be prosecuted. This conversation is over. Goodbye
At that point I just turned back and walked back into the store. He did try to come back in but security stopped him and informed him that if he didn’t leave right this very second, he would be arrested. He left, but not before shouting “THIS PLACE IS FUCKING SHIT. I’M NEVER BUYING FROM HERE AGAIN!”
Good riddance
So, I get back to Tech
Ade: Oi! Botch. The fuck d’ya do to piss fuckwitt over there off?
Me: Told him he had no consumer rights on a 2-year-old machine.
Ade: That all it took?! Fuck me
Me: Well, once he started yelling, after I warned him, I did take his computer outside and place it on the pavement at the end of the car park
Ade: Quality
shoulda dropped the fucker. Would have served the bastard right. Twat.
So, about 2 hours later I’m sitting at my desk and the phone rings
“Incoming Call. Branch Call handling” I’m pretty familiar with some of the guys at Branch Call handling. A few of them I am on first name terms with. So I picked it up
Me: Hello, Tech.
BCH: Hi, who am I speaking to?
Me: Flea.
BCH: Oh, Hiya, Flea! Hows things?
Me: Is that Simon?
BCH: Yeah
Me: Hiya Si. Not too bad thanks. You?
BCH: I’m good. Hey, listen. I’ve got this guy on the phone, giving me a right ear bashing about something that happened in store today. I was just wandering if I could speak to someone who knows about it
Me: What happened?
BCH: Well, apparently, he was having a problem with his computer, so the guy he dealt with took his computer outside and just left it on the pavement
Me: Oh yeah. That was me.
BCH: WHAT?!! What the HELL did you do THAT for?!!
[So I told him the story]
BCH: Oh, fair enough. I can believe that. Jesus Christ though, did you have to piss him off like that? Lol
Me: He started being aggressive. I am well within my rights to use any and all reasonable means to eject him from the store. I’ve already told out GM who’s behind me on this one.
BCH: Fair enough. Now I gotta go and deal with him. You owe me a drink for this one
Me: I owe you several
BCH: Yeah. I plan to build them up and get plastered on YOUR tab
Me: Good job you live in Nottingham then, a good 200 miles away from my wallet
BCH: *Chuckles* yeah, all right. Catch you later.
Me: Bye. *Hangs up*
You couldn’t actually see that from the tech desk, that was what I was told by security later
Comes up to tech and of course, who is the one who serves him? ...yeah. Me.
Me: Tech who seems to be attracting abuse just lately
SC: Laptop guy
BCH: Branch call handling guy
SC: *almost throws the laptop onto the counter* this fucking thing isn’t charging it’s battery again. It’s just out of its warranty now, but I complained about it when it was inside the warranty. It’s still not been sorted
Now, this isn’t un-common with electrical devices. The nature of electricity is such that you can think you’ve sorted the problem, and it seems to work long enough for you to test the new components or the fix...then when it comes to the actual deployment and using it in real life, it fails almost immediately. The best example is when your power goes off. You’ll see it sometimes where it comes back on for a brief second, then goes back out again. That’s because national grid have thought they have fixed the problem, but haven’t.
So I take the computer and the charger, put it on my work bench, plug it in, power it up ad hover the mouse pointer over the battery symbol. To my surprise, it does in fact say “Battery: 0% Plugged in, Not charging. Power mode: Balanced”
Me: *Walks back out with the computer* Yeah. Looks like the battery just doesn’t want to know. Can I see your receipt?
He hands me the receipt. The computer is 23 months old. And, total surprise, I look on the computer and I find that the log about the battery not charging was logged on the computer at 7 months old however, the laptop was on test in the workshop for a week. Apparently they have realised batteries can be a bit of a bastard so they obviously test them much longer. On test for a week; problem fixed.
Me: Okay, the computer is 23 months old, the problem was fixed. You need to buy a new battery
SC: *raises his voice* What?! You have to do something
Me: I don’t have to do a damn thing. I SHOULD charge you for the diagnostic but since it only took me 2 seconds, I’ll let it slide
SC: *starts shouting* This is fuckin’ ridiculous. I demand that you sort my computer out this very fuckin second, you worthless little fuck!
Me: *Points to a sign just above and to the left of me* this sign says that I have the right to work in a safe environment and that the company will actively prosecute anybody who does not respect that right. If you continue to yell and swear at me, you and your computer WILL be kicked out
SC: Bollocks. I want to speak to your manager right fucking now, you little shit
Me: Right, I warned you...
This is the point where I get to test out a new line to my particular brand of pwnage
Me: ...*Picks up his laptop and walks away towards the doors*
SC: Where the hell do you think you’re going?!
Me: I told you that if you continued then you would be removed from the building *Stops at security and speaks to the guard* Please don’t let this guy back in
Security: Fine
Me: *Continues to walk outside with the laptop under my arm. Gets to the pavement at the end of the car park, SC still in tow and I place the laptop on the pavement, then turn around and walk back to the store smiling inwardly*
Needless to say the guy EXPLODED
SC: YOU WERE JUST GONNA LEAVE THAT HERE?!!
Me: I told you that you would be ejected from the building. If you come back in, the security guard will detain in and you will be prosecuted. This conversation is over. Goodbye
At that point I just turned back and walked back into the store. He did try to come back in but security stopped him and informed him that if he didn’t leave right this very second, he would be arrested. He left, but not before shouting “THIS PLACE IS FUCKING SHIT. I’M NEVER BUYING FROM HERE AGAIN!”
Good riddance
So, I get back to Tech
Ade: Oi! Botch. The fuck d’ya do to piss fuckwitt over there off?
Me: Told him he had no consumer rights on a 2-year-old machine.
Ade: That all it took?! Fuck me
Me: Well, once he started yelling, after I warned him, I did take his computer outside and place it on the pavement at the end of the car park
Ade: Quality
shoulda dropped the fucker. Would have served the bastard right. Twat. So, about 2 hours later I’m sitting at my desk and the phone rings
“Incoming Call. Branch Call handling” I’m pretty familiar with some of the guys at Branch Call handling. A few of them I am on first name terms with. So I picked it up
Me: Hello, Tech.
BCH: Hi, who am I speaking to?
Me: Flea.
BCH: Oh, Hiya, Flea! Hows things?
Me: Is that Simon?
BCH: Yeah
Me: Hiya Si. Not too bad thanks. You?
BCH: I’m good. Hey, listen. I’ve got this guy on the phone, giving me a right ear bashing about something that happened in store today. I was just wandering if I could speak to someone who knows about it
Me: What happened?
BCH: Well, apparently, he was having a problem with his computer, so the guy he dealt with took his computer outside and just left it on the pavement
Me: Oh yeah. That was me.
BCH: WHAT?!! What the HELL did you do THAT for?!!
[So I told him the story]
BCH: Oh, fair enough. I can believe that. Jesus Christ though, did you have to piss him off like that? Lol
Me: He started being aggressive. I am well within my rights to use any and all reasonable means to eject him from the store. I’ve already told out GM who’s behind me on this one.
BCH: Fair enough. Now I gotta go and deal with him. You owe me a drink for this one
Me: I owe you several
BCH: Yeah. I plan to build them up and get plastered on YOUR tab
Me: Good job you live in Nottingham then, a good 200 miles away from my wallet
BCH: *Chuckles* yeah, all right. Catch you later.
Me: Bye. *Hangs up*
. Here's to pwning and banning SC's.
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