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  • Manager: "Have you thought of looking for a new job?"

    The other day, my manager took me off into the room where employees are scolded to tell me that other employees (higher up on the food chain than I) had been complaining about my work.

    This is not something new. There have been complaints before.

    Some of you may remember how desperate I was a few years ago - barely any income, no work in sight, and all sorts of personal crises going on. When I got the job, I was more grateful than I'd been for anything in a very long time. I was determined to make good, and I wanted more than anything to be the best they'd ever seen.

    Only I'm not. I'm not the worst they've ever seen, but then, the worst people aren't there anymore, so that makes me the worst by default. There are just so many things about the job that I don't get, and it doesn't help that one of my coworkers is the Golden One. You know the type; every workplace has one. This coworker does nothing wrong. Coworker knows everything. Manager and coworker are good friends, and often have lunch together. Everyone asks Coworker questions on various topics, and Coworker almost invariably knows the answer.

    My manager doesn't understand why I don't get things the way that Coworker does, even though I would have thought it was obvious; I just don't learn in the same way.

    So, anyway, I was taken aside for the talk, and at first, I tried to explain that I just don't have the same learning ability (at least, not for this job). But my manager brought up the old "how long have you been here?" question, which I absolutely hate. He often asks me how long I've been there, to reinforce the fact that I tend to make basic mistakes, and forget things that have been told to me more than once.

    Finally, though, I couldn't proceed. I told him how hard I've tried, and all the things I've done to increase my learning ability in general, as well as working to improve at my job. I told him that I know everyone thinks I'm an idiot, and that I don't know why I can't be his perfect employee, but it's obvious that I can't.

    My manager has his faults, but he's a fair guy. He told me he had no idea I was so unhappy. And that's when he suggested that I might look for another job. Being the guy he is, he suggested various jobs where I might do better, and be happier. He told me that if it takes a year or more to find a new job, so be it. And that if I have an interview during my current working hours, that's fine, too.

    One one hand, I don't like the fact that I've failed at this job. I told him that I wanted to be good enough so that, when the time came for me to move on, they would actually miss me. I told him that I didn't want my coworkers to think that I expected them to take up the slack when I made mistakes. And this is all true.

    You know what I have done to try to improve? I'll tell you. I've played brain-training games online. I've used essential oils that are supposed to help with focus. I've done EFT. I've listened to binaural beats that are also supposed to help the mind focus. I've dabbled in meditation. I've used affirmations. I've imagined myself receiving huge praise from my boss.

    And this is where it got me.

    Maybe this is where I'm supposed to be. I've known for a long time that I don't fit in at this job. I don't have lunch with my coworkers. I'm not invited to their events. On Mondays, I hear the rest of them talking about the things they did together over the weekend. It's a club of which I'm not a member, and not just because I'm not good enough at my job. I could be the best worker they've ever had, and I'd still be the odd one out. Such is the reality.

    So, now I'm looking around to see what's available. As it happens, I've been learning a new trade that will, I hope, make me highly employable in a field very different from the one in which I now work. I'm still learning, so I'm not ready to put myself out there for employment yet. I told my manager about this, and he smiled and looked interested. Come to think of it, he was probably relieved that I'm doing this, and that I wasn't counting on remaining at this company indefinitely.

    It just hurts to have tried so hard, only to be faced with the reality that if I hadn't tried at all, I would have done just as well. I don't know if I'm naturally inept at this job, or if it's PTSD from recent events combined with a lack of interest in this work.

    I'm literally, physically tired by all of this. I've been putting on an act for a long time, and now - I'm exhausted. I'm too tired to go anywhere today. I've been sleeping a lot. I know that my coworkers know about the scolding, since it came about as a result of their complaints. Even though I've known for a long time that this isn't my dream job, or anything like it, I've been very depressed at the realization that I'm viewed as such a problem.

    I'm glad it's the weekend.

  • #2
    Quoth Eireann View Post
    I've known for a long time that I don't fit in at this job. I don't have lunch with my coworkers. I'm not invited to their events. On Mondays, I hear the rest of them talking about the things they did together over the weekend. It's a club of which I'm not a member, and not just because I'm not good enough at my job. I could be the best worker they've ever had, and I'd still be the odd one out. Such is the reality.
    Welcome to my workplace. Downtown is a completely different world from us. One incompetent there just got his SECOND major promotion and pay bump - which he is completely unqualified for and undeserving of. Meanwhile his wife (who technically can't work there due to the nepotism rules) got a promotion and their daughter (who was a part-timer but had a full-time position created just for her) got a promotion that puts her above almost all the other older office workers. The monetary awards came out last month and the blatant untruths about what the winners did to deserve the awards prove that not only do our superiors lie to us, they deliberately cheat us as well. And on Tuesday the Town Manager will once again give the big speech and excuses why the cops and downtown got their raises while all the outlandish projects pushed by the mayor and the Town Council got funded but <unbelievably> there's no money to give us raises or cost of living, or even replace equipment that's older than a lot of the people here.

    The mutiny is coming...

    Comment


    • #3
      This is where the tarot's Death card would be appropriate. That job was stress on a stick to you. I'm glad they're basically giving you time to search for something else, but you and that job just weren't suited to each other too well.

      You are better than that, and should work at something you actually want to do.
      Customers should always be served . . . to the nearest great white.

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth Kristev View Post
        but you and that job just weren't suited to each other too well.
        Yeah, that. And I'd also like to mention, what an important thing it is that you've recognized and admitted your shortcomings in this position. I've worked with others that were convinced they were doing the most amazing job ever, and were shocked that others didn't agree with them, blaming every shortcoming on someone else or the computer system. It sounds like your boss is a decent guy, and that he also recognizes your efforts and wants to work with you. I wish you much success in whatever the future brings.
        A lion however, will only devour your corpse, whereas an SC is not sated until they have destroyed your soul. (Quote per infinitemonkies)

        Comment


        • #5
          Eireann


          Reading your tail brings to mind a few things, first let me regal you with a story from my en-tempered youth.

          When I was young I took a third job as a Waiter at a Chain Restaurant. Now I had always cooked, I liked to cook but I had 2 Cooking jobs and needed a more flexible schedule for a third job. I went through the training and started working. For the first few days it seemed like I couldn't get things right then it all clicked. The rest of that week I learned some fast and valuable lessons.

          My issues started with a Waitress that kept poaching my tables, I spoke to the manager who just said deal with it. Then she started stealing my tips off my tables. I again spoke to the manager who said I had no proof and no one saw her do it. Well one day I caught her red handed and in front of all the customers and staff made a point to call her a thief. The Manager came out and told me I had no proof again and I needed to apologize. So I did what any reasonable person would do....

          I told the Manager to F off i flipped my serving tray upside down used it as a frizz bee and bounced it off the thief's head half way across the restaurant. Then walked out.


          The Lessons.

          1: It isn't worth the stress. I was working 3 jobs and still not making ends meet while losing my mind. It just wasn't worth it.

          2: You will always have clicks, pets, suck ups, and general issues when dealing with humans. Being with the "in crowd" is not worth your personal integrity, they are not worth your time or stress. Their Opinions do not matter to your life.

          3: Not ever one learns at the same speed, or the same level, Do the best that you can at your level and let the stress go. People make mistakes, you will make mistakes, try and learn from them move your self forward.

          4: Kudos and praise from people that have zero respect for you are worthless words. I would prefer the sincere thank you from the beggar I gave a bottle of water to than the hollow good job from the boss.

          5: And probably the most important lesson I personal learned was never ever for any reason work front end. Wait staff don't screw with chefs who use 12 inch blades for a reason lol ( side note most of the time but that is another story)


          Good Luck with the job search keep us posted.

          Comment


          • #6
            Remember, too: "Failure is an event, not a person." I think that's a famous Zig Ziglar quote.

            What really matters is how you react to that failure. It sounds to me like your reaction is thus: "I know where I'm weak. I'm working hard to improve myself."

            That's admirable.
            Skilled programmers aren't cheap. Cheap programmers aren't skilled.

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth mjr View Post
              Remember, too: "Failure is an event, not a person." I think that's a famous Zig Ziglar quote.

              What really matters is how you react to that failure. It sounds to me like your reaction is thus: "I know where I'm weak. I'm working hard to improve myself."

              That's admirable.

              Well said!!

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth mjr View Post
                Remember, too: "Failure is an event, not a person." I think that's a famous Zig Ziglar quote.

                What really matters is how you react to that failure. It sounds to me like your reaction is thus: "I know where I'm weak. I'm working hard to improve myself."

                That's admirable.
                I really like that quote. I feel pretty similar to the OP. Basically, I have to start an internship and I don't think I'm going to be competent. I was not great in the interview, and I felt very out of my depth when they were talking about some of the stuff they are working on. I also talked to a guy who just did an internship there, and he talked about stuff I didn't even know what it was. Now, I know a bit of this is posturing, because I've dealt with it my whole time at school. But I already started out not great, and I'm not confident that I can reverse that first impression.

                At least you've tried to do stuff to fix your issues. I wouldn't even know where to start, sometimes I think I'm doing great and then something like this comes along. So, I guess I just wanted to commiserate with you and feel sad for myself.
                Replace anger management with stupidity management.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I know where you're coming from, Eireann. I felt, and still feel, the same way about my job at that godawful Hampton Inn. I tried my damnedest but it wasn't enough to overcome a lying guest and the manager's personal dislike of me. She'd just been waiting for an excuse that would look good enough on paper to get rid of me and she pretty much even admitted it when she was canning me.

                  What made it really sting was that I had spent five years of my life working in other hotels and excelled at it. The owners left the place in my hands when they left the country for four months of the year. For five years, the hospitality industry was my life... And that still wasn't good enough. I never felt competent at the Hampton, and I actually never felt like I was anything other than a kid playing dress-up in a bad polyester suit.

                  It still bothers me to this day, the injustice of it and how my best was not only not good enough, but that the manager felt the need to rub that in my face when she was firing me. I still harbor an intense dislike that borders on hatred for that company and everyone who works at that particular Hampton.

                  But you know what? That job was the worst experience of my working life. I hated every second I had to spend there, and the best part of being fired was being able to wash the stench of that place out of my hair -- quite literally. I know I wasn't a good fit for the place because in the process of becoming a social worker, I lost the ability to care about the stupid shit that hotel guests complain about. I lost the ability to devote large chunks of my time trying to correct a problem that was largely imaginary in the first place, and which matters not at all in the long run. I lost the ability to take abuse from overprivileged twats who want to take out the miseries of their rat-race lives on me because yet again they're far from home and missing their children growing up while their marriages die of neglect.

                  But, despite the fact that I hated the people I worked with, hated the place where I worked, hated the work that I did, and hated the people I served with that work, it still hurt me and it still infuriated me to be told I was not good enough. In some ways I'm still getting over it.

                  However, I've never had to smell the stale chemical reek of that godforsaken shitpit in my hair even once in the time since I've left. That being said, however much this sucks and however much it hurts (and I know how much it sucks and hurts), try to find something bright about leaving to hold on to.
                  Drive it like it's a county car.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    It's not a case of the manager giving me hell to further his own goals. He doesn't dislike me, and he doesn't single me out for abuse. I don't envy him his job, because he has to do shit like this, whether he wants to or not.

                    I'm not sure why I've resisted finding a job that I do well, where I'll be valued for my contributions. Maybe I'm afraid that if I go for a job that I really want, and I'm not good enough for that, I won't have any other options. But I'm tired of doing a job I don't like, where I'm not good enough, and which offers me nothing.

                    I have had jobs where I was the object of unbelievable verbal abuse, and I think I've carried over the bad habits I learned at those jobs into this ones (like being afraid of the person in charge). I'm going to do a long session with my therapist about it.

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